Dont Get into the Ditch in the first place, then you wont need any Rescuing

Khalia (Mohammad Ali's daughter) her Jewish husband Spencer, and  son Jacob



Muhammed Ali Celebrates Grandson's Barmitvah



In a recent newspaper article a well-known black politician stated categorically that absent black fathers were the major reason behind knife and gang crime in the UK.

This is no news to any BWE proponent I am sure, even as we watch other folk struggle to be politically correct about it all, laying the blame at the door of slavery, poverty, government and what have you. Indeed this black politician comes from the Labour party (democrat equivalent) where you kind of, don’t say such things. However he decided to break with protocol. You could almost feel from his words, the frustration with the situation, how that things had gotten to such a head that it couldn’t be covered over any longer and he just had to speak the truth as he saw it. Of course the white media, tried to contain the message and water it down by injecting exceptions and humour etc, I guess as they are required to do by journalistic protocols these days!

Now the fact that this was a black politician even from the left, making this kind of assertion, is not really the big deal for me, instead two or should I say three other things from the back story grabbed me.

One is that he said he had sat with countless single mothers in the black community who were desperate for black fathers to participate in the lives of their sons, the second was that he was the son of a single mother himself and maybe I should add that he himself is married interracially.

Of recent I have been writing about how certain incidents have served to illuminate many of the core concepts we have been preaching with BWE, concepts that to even me have sometimes seemed purely theoretical, well this was another of those instances.

As I pictured this room full of single mothers (standing room only perhaps), imploring for this black man politician (this symbol of black manhood and a black person who would thus care about their situation) to do something- who knows what- on their behalf, maybe find a political wand that would magically make these men come back into their son's lives, it came home to me strongly, how black women make their own way hard.

Instead of taking easy steps to avoid getting into the situation in the first place, these women prefer to trust that some kind of magic will come to the rescue in the end, some kind of undiscovered, unexplored solution would somehow come into view and make things alright! Someone once made a snide comment about the fact that 'Black women are looking to government but government cannot find you a husband', once on a BWE blog and I know it came from a hateful place so was dismissed, but there is a load of sense in that statement.

The situation with these single mothers is no unpredictable accident, for the most parts, these women choose men who they knew and had seen, display a lack family values. Such women also get pregnant under conditions that have a 70:30 chance of landing them in single-parenthood. They can see and observe this to be the case all day and everyday so it's not like they didn’t see what was ahead or where taking by surprise at how it all panned out (as is the impression about mothers ending up alone). Some of these men have even had offspring with their friends and acquaintances and so they know what is likely, despite the crocodile tears they shed later.

Lets look at this lifestyle of having an option not to get into a predicament, yet deciding to do that which will clearly land you in the bad situation. Lets look at a lifestyle of expecting to be bailed out somehow, by the system, by government or by God etc even as you make decisions that are leading you into a place of problems. Apart from anything else, this is an amazingly inefficient way to conduct one's affairs. In today's parlance it would be termed purely 'unsustainable' and unacceptable in an age when as humans we have a moral obligation to conserve and live reasonably and sensibly with our resources, if not for anything, for the continuation of our very planet. Such a lifestyle if it was the model for an organisational, business etc, would lead to the catastrophic failure of the company and the loss of jobs. Think about that.

Think about the whole idea of asking a politician to somehow solve something outside the realm of human capabilities as in bringing back men (who very likely where never committed to the offspring or mother to start off with), into a family unity. Even if it could be managed by some wonderful alchemy, think of how much time, effort, resources would have to go into any kind of solution which will never be ideal, and then imagine how easy it is and would be for any black women to just opt out of getting into such a predicament in the first place.

In any case, I doubt even angel Gabriel could manage to do something for the situation of these women let a lone a singular black politician. This is the place where personal responsibility is the only solution or should I say personal common sense.

Think about how very straightforward it is to avoid having to end up in this situation with men who don’t participate in their children's lives. We are talking about marriage here, about not trusting just a word of promise (especially uttered in the heat of passion), one that is not immediately backed up with an offer of commitment.

Healthy Distrust

When you look at the mental set that leaves black women in this single-parenthood predicament (excluding rape, and abuse of under-age black girls), you will notice a couple of things:

One is that they know and expect the single parent state will come to pass for them at some point. In other words they don’t resist it but continue down the road when it opens up for them. For black women, single parenthood has become a culture therefore it should not be framed, even tackled as an issue of mishap, mistake or naivete. Black women need to be looked square in the eye and asked, 'Are you simply deciding to go down the road of single parenthood as a way of life?'

I see it all around me, at the right age range say 16-21, boys set up girls to be single-mothers and it follows like clock work to plan. It happens too frequently now for it to be couched as a mistake or something that just happens there is on a level an acceptance even an embrace of single motherhood.

Secondly for some black women who claim to have been fooled (a small percentage), by the whole situation and scheming of black men who they gave a 'brothers trust', it appears these women are relating to black men with trust that is unwarranted given the track records of black men.

If you had a business partner that repeatedly breached contracts (be they gentlemen’s agreements or signed legal documents), at some point you would learn to put into place safeguards, and the right protection whenever you had to deal with them. It appears black women by being so 'fooled' over and over and despite all the backlog of experience to teach them otherwise have not learnt to deal with black men and their repeated betrayal the way that is required and as any sensible being would after repeated disappointment. Which points again to them accepting black men's unreliability on some level, and eschewing a healthy distrust of black men, that would natural evolve in black women's attitudes due to the current state of play between black men and women.

I repeat that very few people would continue to deal with a repeated contract breaker

without adjusting to the fact that they have proved repeatedly unreliable and thus covering themselves legally or otherwise. I am well aware that many black community agents are acting to squelch this naturally evolving and self protecting distrust in interracting with black men, by branding it invalid or self-hate.

Substitutions

There is another thing here and that is that there are and continue to be in our modern society, substitutes for the participation of black men as fathers in their children's lives (welfare, other black women etc), and as long these 'stand ins' remain, the option to choose to be irresponsible and unsustainable in approach will continue to be taken up by a significant number of black women (even while covering themselves with the excuse that 'I was tricked', 'I was fooled'). In other words the motivation to act wisely is just not there currently for who whole host of black women because of the safety nets in place.

Which brings me to the conclusion that, I suppose one of the good things about our tight economic situations is that people are beginning to understand the hard way, how to organise themselves and their situations to be 'efficient' and sensible. The rationale for personal responsibility and common sense is being so effortlessly made as we get squeezed financially and cuts to all sorts of safety nets are being implemented. When there are no more government programs to stand-in for a participating husband and father, many black women curiously become wise!

My Latest e-books are now available to buy from my website book page or from Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.




First Steps to Personal Empowerment
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon

Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon




Supposing I wanted to
Date a White Guy...?
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon