The destruction of black community was never a joint enterprise between black men and black women. Black women never had the casting vote in the majority of the destructive practices operating in the black community. Often time they are trying to correct or make the best of a bad situation unwittingly worsening it!
Last week I was reading a newspaper article about a gang of paedophiles that had been smashed by police.
It consisted of four women and one man.
But guess what (if you haven’t guessed already), the four women (all white mind you), where made out to have been ‘controlled’ by this lone man. The word Svengali was used repeatedly in the article to describe the man (and if I may say so has become a commonly used term whenever issues of males and females joint enterprise of abuse comes up, where the women are white of course). It is amazing that this is term is used quite commonly and repeatedly, given that Svengali is actually a fictional character!
Yes it is always spun that the white female in the picture is somehow under some strong mind control of the man even if there was only one man and multiple women as in this instance. I am not even sure if the gang ever met up physically. From what little I read (I was disgusted), these women abused their own children and posted pictures on the internet, under 'remote' control of course of said 'Svengali'.
You best believe that a black woman would never be able to plead mind control, she would be deemed as well and truly in full control of all her senses to do such evil!
Why is the white community invested in the idea of guiltlessness in white females?
I have a theory.
It is in part possibly due to the strong reaction against the notion of the mother (the universal nurturer), the dependable carer of humanity, ever being in possession of malicious and evil impulses. Even if it is clear such is the case, it is better to give a benefit of a doubt to women than discard the model that mothers have their childrens best interest (imagine the social upheavel if this were not assumed to be true). It helps us all sleep well at night for sure. 'Indeed best push all that ability for evil unto the male figure, I mean he can handle it cant he.'
Have you noticed that males are always deemed to be perpetrators of evil until proven otherwise. If you watch any of those crime series; Law and Order, CSI etc etc, the ’perp’ is always identified as a ’he’, if a pronoun is needed in building a story, that is until firm evidence comes that a female is possibly responsible. Also look at how males are interrogated! They are almost always assumed guilty in interrogation rooms and they have to communicate in the necessary ’tone’ to extract themselves.
This leads me to the other part of my theory. There is actually another hidden part of the reason why males in general are deemed to be the morally deficient party in any such situation and even overall in the wider (not black) context. It came to me when I noted how black men respond to the taking any responsibility, or the lead part in any activities towards social improvement, restoration even well doing.
As we know, most black men will refuse any responsibility or blame for any negative that has befallen black people, but also notice the way they frame their responses. They will say something like this, ‘Well what about black women? Black women didn’t do ‘A’ therefore I couldn’t do B‘, or Black women weren’t A so I couldn’t be B, or black women weren’t playing part X so I couldn’t do P’.
They make their part dependent on black women doing some bit. It might not seem obvious at first but this quickly sets up an ‘impasse’ situation (beloved of those who enjoy the status quo or cant be bothered to do anything to address a situation).
In this situation men can hold their communities to a standstill by saying others have to 'move' or 'prove' before them. By introducing a 'negative' status to men and a positive to women as is done in the wider society, men find they are under an obligation to ‘prove’ themselves whether good, resourceful, worthy etc etc. Men therefore 'initiate', they kick things of and forget about looking for women to start up proceedings. They get busy doing and forget about what women are doing or not doing!
This is the principle of the simple cell battery. No current flows if both poles are at the same charge (your batteries grow weaker as the poles charges come to the same level). Males being under a negative charge means they are under an impetus to work and prove, and if you notice real men relish a chance to prove themselves ‘Men’. This is especially true when men realize that the male privilege and status has to be balanced by responsibility. Thus if you are a ‘Man’ and have all the trappings and privileges of manhood attached to you, then it is only sensible and socially responsible for you to have responsibility attached to that privilege.
Think about that for a second. We moan about sexism, but in the wider society males do not just enjoy male privileges. They have responsibilities attached to them, so they must 'get up,' and investigate when something goes 'bump' in the night and women and children must be allowed 'off the titanic' first. Thats what it takes to have the privilege of manhood attached to you. You have to pay for it in all sorts of ways and I can imagine all those men on the titanic wanting that chance to go into the boats with the women and children!
The black community is the only community that has broken the link between male privileged and any sense or form of responsibility be it social, moral, leadership, or otherwise to said community. Instead women do for men and still present men with the same accolades of manhood. No wonder destructive masculinity runs riot in black settings. Indeed masculine privilege without responsibility = destruction!
Wondering about Interracial dating?
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Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Why the defaming of the black female image affects you
While we were having our last discussions about black women retiring the idea of being co-creators of the black chaotic sistuation with black men, we had another incident of a rapper Crapper taking a swing at dark skin black women and lets call it what it is, essentially an attack on undiluted and essentially unambiguously black women. I dont want to go into naming the Crapper or get into any other great lengths of detail of something I am sure you all are aware of.
I was noting the reactions especially of black women online.
First of course there was the denials that he said such. People however pointed to lyrics on a couple of his tracks that essentially say the same thing which he is accused of saying. Then there were the 'high self-esteemers', who proclaimed to have such a high self esteem as to be unaffected by the statements of a half wit. I like the spirit but I also recognize the 'I am unaffected' or 'I am not the one he speaks about', response can come from a point of hopelessness and from those who feel 'nothing can be done so best ignore', or a displaced reaction of frustration from those who want this whole thing to disappear and at al cost that they will be happy for the victim to disappear if it will sort out the situation. Indeed they are taking out the whole frustration on a safe target by making it an issue of 'sefl esteem'. Good self esteem doesnt happen in a vacuum. I am amused at how many black people are requesting nay demanding that black women have 'self esteem', and self love as if the so called black community has optimal conditions for this to develope. I guess it is an automatic thing which you just call to yourself from the four winds!
I guess my point is, surely one can admit there is a problem without having to mean their self esteem is shot!
The issue of black women’s general image taking a hit was also raised, and this is tha bit of the discussion that I was very interested in. I see we always keep coming round to the whole, ’black women need to organize round the protection of their image’ question. We seem to come round to it a couple of times each year. I think the last major incident was regarding John Mayer. I know I put up the post about some of the options available to black women. Some where ready to do something (although what that something was, was the issue), others said 'nah' focus on self.
Today I want to raise the issue of being able to admit a bad situation even if you have no answers.
Black women pay a personal cost for the overall negative image of black women, wether you are well positioned or have a high esteem or not. See I can admit that, even if I have no answers to the dilema at present. On an individual level, black women can do so much, and I am also aware that as the message of black women being empowered to be the best spreads, the culmulative effect of more and more black women living succesfully will roll back a great deal of the stigma that is currently attached to the black female image.
However and again I want to reiterate that we all (individually), pay a great price no matter how high our self-esteem and how unconnecetd you are to the toxic black community. I am sure a lot of black women living in part of Italy know what I mean, when I say that an impression created about those like you can severly impact your social movement. I am sure they are aware of this when they are approached by random men who mistaken them for prostitutes even when they have all sorts of social trappings that speak strongly against such a conclussion. If someone came uo with a smart idea to end their daily torment, I am sure so many would be so willing to all pay to lift the shadow that follows them all around.
When a negative impression is created around your demograhy, you have to put in twice as much effort to get anything others simply wave their hands to get, also so many opportunities for life improvement are being denied without you even knowing it, therefore it is important to be able to be invested in the idea of some general push back against the tarnishing of black women's image even if we dont know what it will be or if it can be.
I fear some black women are in a rush to shut down the conversations of a broader solution because they dont see how, but there might be someone out there who knows what to do, who you are not allowing turn their brains over the issue by shooting down any discussion out of your understandable frustration.
Contnd
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
I was noting the reactions especially of black women online.
First of course there was the denials that he said such. People however pointed to lyrics on a couple of his tracks that essentially say the same thing which he is accused of saying. Then there were the 'high self-esteemers', who proclaimed to have such a high self esteem as to be unaffected by the statements of a half wit. I like the spirit but I also recognize the 'I am unaffected' or 'I am not the one he speaks about', response can come from a point of hopelessness and from those who feel 'nothing can be done so best ignore', or a displaced reaction of frustration from those who want this whole thing to disappear and at al cost that they will be happy for the victim to disappear if it will sort out the situation. Indeed they are taking out the whole frustration on a safe target by making it an issue of 'sefl esteem'. Good self esteem doesnt happen in a vacuum. I am amused at how many black people are requesting nay demanding that black women have 'self esteem', and self love as if the so called black community has optimal conditions for this to develope. I guess it is an automatic thing which you just call to yourself from the four winds!
I guess my point is, surely one can admit there is a problem without having to mean their self esteem is shot!
The issue of black women’s general image taking a hit was also raised, and this is tha bit of the discussion that I was very interested in. I see we always keep coming round to the whole, ’black women need to organize round the protection of their image’ question. We seem to come round to it a couple of times each year. I think the last major incident was regarding John Mayer. I know I put up the post about some of the options available to black women. Some where ready to do something (although what that something was, was the issue), others said 'nah' focus on self.
Today I want to raise the issue of being able to admit a bad situation even if you have no answers.
Black women pay a personal cost for the overall negative image of black women, wether you are well positioned or have a high esteem or not. See I can admit that, even if I have no answers to the dilema at present. On an individual level, black women can do so much, and I am also aware that as the message of black women being empowered to be the best spreads, the culmulative effect of more and more black women living succesfully will roll back a great deal of the stigma that is currently attached to the black female image.
However and again I want to reiterate that we all (individually), pay a great price no matter how high our self-esteem and how unconnecetd you are to the toxic black community. I am sure a lot of black women living in part of Italy know what I mean, when I say that an impression created about those like you can severly impact your social movement. I am sure they are aware of this when they are approached by random men who mistaken them for prostitutes even when they have all sorts of social trappings that speak strongly against such a conclussion. If someone came uo with a smart idea to end their daily torment, I am sure so many would be so willing to all pay to lift the shadow that follows them all around.
When a negative impression is created around your demograhy, you have to put in twice as much effort to get anything others simply wave their hands to get, also so many opportunities for life improvement are being denied without you even knowing it, therefore it is important to be able to be invested in the idea of some general push back against the tarnishing of black women's image even if we dont know what it will be or if it can be.
I fear some black women are in a rush to shut down the conversations of a broader solution because they dont see how, but there might be someone out there who knows what to do, who you are not allowing turn their brains over the issue by shooting down any discussion out of your understandable frustration.
Contnd
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Friday, January 07, 2011
Why I never enagage in 'what black women did to make things the way they are' discussions
Do you know why I never ever get involved in the, 'What did black women do to make the situation the way it is in the black community' discussions? I dont because it is an invalid argument built on the premise that black women have equal responsibility for creating the choas and dysfunction that reigns within the black social grouping.
The argument makes black women out to be co-creators with black men. It refuses to recognize the power differential that exists between male and female in a world that privileges male over female, and thus a world which gives males the determining role in how things eventually turn out.
The argument is one which wants to assign to black women equal agency in terms of determining how the situation has panned out for the black social group. Indeed note how when black folks raise these, 'What about how black women did X, Y, Z', you can see they are talking from a position of 'black women were doing it at the same time as black men, with the same social permission and prerogative, at the same level and with the same intent and purpose'! Note that none of them is trying to even look at how that black women in their actions of X, Y, Z, could well be 'responding' to a situation already determined/set up by black men. Indeed flattening time lines and making it all seem simultenous is a key black way of obscuring black male culpability indeed reducing the insight that a 3-D dimensioned discussion of events would cast on the situation.
But take a look at how, when there are general discussions about the situation in our planet, how that there is total comfort with assigning white females a lesser role in shaping the world as we know it and any system of injustice and inequity that exists. Indeed if the truth must be told, white women are rarely if ever indicted as creators of the systems of oppression and injustice. Most analyst are very uncomfortable in positioning white women (who they deem as equally oppressed in patriarchy and capitalist structures), as in anyway 'responsible' for any unjust or unequal set up. Those that are reevaluating the role of white women are more likely to denote them as 'colluders' with white men or 'internalizers' of oppressive ideas and beliefs never 'generators' of these.
But again note that when 'liberals' suddenly want to turn the spotlight on the situation within the black social grouping and if they are able somehow to move away from 'the white male and government is the source and root of all evil', discourse, they suddenly and automatically level the social standing between black women and men to make black women out as co-creators of the bad situation as it stands. See, while they are happy to 'lessen' white female culpability for the shape of things in the wider world, when it comes down to black women who have multiple levels of oppression to contend with, you would think they would know to then deem black women less responsible, but oh no, these same folks are happy to load down black women with equal if not 'more' blame that black men because yes indeed the sentiment that black men are sometimes 'victims' of black women can be noted proceeding from the writings of 'liberal' folks! See why I am fast loosing respect for so called 'liberals'.
And the worst thing is that it is so automatic and such a blind spot that even when you point out, what they are doing and how they switch their principles when it comes round to black women, they deny it and maintain that they are just being fair and consistent. I have been reviewing a number of articles penned by white men in particular over some of the media attention BWE work has garnered over the years and consistently their sympathies are lying with black men!
Once again I will reiterate that there is a power differential existing between black men and women due to males being privileged in our society thus black women cannot and should not be held responsible for the shape of things within the black social setting, indeed once you account for the overarching system's shaping of the black situation, the next folk in line for being responsible for the black situation are black men. Period.
Do black women have a role in the state of affairs particularly their own situation? Sure and indeed the fact that ultimately they end up taking the negative brunt of it all (indeed the impact of OOWetc etc are more on black women), reinforces for me the fact that they are not in the driving seat. What I (and most BWE) realize when looking at the role of black women is that they are often colluding with black men towards their own oppression and 'responding' in ways that aggravate the situation to their own detriment. This has a lot to do with how they are socialized and the doctrines and dogmas within which they are socialized, which causes this maladaptive response. As long as black women continue to be held sway by these black doctrines, they will continue to respond in these maladaptive and maladjusted ways. This is why the thrust of BWE work is to 'retrain' black women in the ways of looking after their own best interest, to train black women in the ways of 'self-interest awareness' and self advocacy and make them become knowlegable about how how third parties are trying to harness their rescources and efforts for their selfish benefit and with no thought of reciprocating!
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
The argument makes black women out to be co-creators with black men. It refuses to recognize the power differential that exists between male and female in a world that privileges male over female, and thus a world which gives males the determining role in how things eventually turn out.
The argument is one which wants to assign to black women equal agency in terms of determining how the situation has panned out for the black social group. Indeed note how when black folks raise these, 'What about how black women did X, Y, Z', you can see they are talking from a position of 'black women were doing it at the same time as black men, with the same social permission and prerogative, at the same level and with the same intent and purpose'! Note that none of them is trying to even look at how that black women in their actions of X, Y, Z, could well be 'responding' to a situation already determined/set up by black men. Indeed flattening time lines and making it all seem simultenous is a key black way of obscuring black male culpability indeed reducing the insight that a 3-D dimensioned discussion of events would cast on the situation.
But take a look at how, when there are general discussions about the situation in our planet, how that there is total comfort with assigning white females a lesser role in shaping the world as we know it and any system of injustice and inequity that exists. Indeed if the truth must be told, white women are rarely if ever indicted as creators of the systems of oppression and injustice. Most analyst are very uncomfortable in positioning white women (who they deem as equally oppressed in patriarchy and capitalist structures), as in anyway 'responsible' for any unjust or unequal set up. Those that are reevaluating the role of white women are more likely to denote them as 'colluders' with white men or 'internalizers' of oppressive ideas and beliefs never 'generators' of these.
But again note that when 'liberals' suddenly want to turn the spotlight on the situation within the black social grouping and if they are able somehow to move away from 'the white male and government is the source and root of all evil', discourse, they suddenly and automatically level the social standing between black women and men to make black women out as co-creators of the bad situation as it stands. See, while they are happy to 'lessen' white female culpability for the shape of things in the wider world, when it comes down to black women who have multiple levels of oppression to contend with, you would think they would know to then deem black women less responsible, but oh no, these same folks are happy to load down black women with equal if not 'more' blame that black men because yes indeed the sentiment that black men are sometimes 'victims' of black women can be noted proceeding from the writings of 'liberal' folks! See why I am fast loosing respect for so called 'liberals'.
And the worst thing is that it is so automatic and such a blind spot that even when you point out, what they are doing and how they switch their principles when it comes round to black women, they deny it and maintain that they are just being fair and consistent. I have been reviewing a number of articles penned by white men in particular over some of the media attention BWE work has garnered over the years and consistently their sympathies are lying with black men!
Once again I will reiterate that there is a power differential existing between black men and women due to males being privileged in our society thus black women cannot and should not be held responsible for the shape of things within the black social setting, indeed once you account for the overarching system's shaping of the black situation, the next folk in line for being responsible for the black situation are black men. Period.
Do black women have a role in the state of affairs particularly their own situation? Sure and indeed the fact that ultimately they end up taking the negative brunt of it all (indeed the impact of OOWetc etc are more on black women), reinforces for me the fact that they are not in the driving seat. What I (and most BWE) realize when looking at the role of black women is that they are often colluding with black men towards their own oppression and 'responding' in ways that aggravate the situation to their own detriment. This has a lot to do with how they are socialized and the doctrines and dogmas within which they are socialized, which causes this maladaptive response. As long as black women continue to be held sway by these black doctrines, they will continue to respond in these maladaptive and maladjusted ways. This is why the thrust of BWE work is to 'retrain' black women in the ways of looking after their own best interest, to train black women in the ways of 'self-interest awareness' and self advocacy and make them become knowlegable about how how third parties are trying to harness their rescources and efforts for their selfish benefit and with no thought of reciprocating!
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Monday, December 20, 2010
What BWE want you to know
Happy Xmas Celebrations & a Great 2011!
I have had a good two months-plus break from bloggin. I really enjoyed it. It helped me stand back and see the work from another perspective especially look into how I can be more efficient and effective rather than do same ol same ol.
It was good to see that BWE has reached a point where some of us can take ourselves well needed breaks, and the message keeps powering through! For me in this was particularly gratifying because it shows the word is out and saturating the atmosphere and the key points and messages of BWE are out there and generating the required discussions. I contrast this with five years ago when just a few were doing the work and how we almost were too afraid to be gone too long.
Efficient use of time will be the name of the game for me in the coming year. We are in lean times and thus we all have to be judicious users of time and resources. Which leads me to my next point:
Things BWE want you to know
Catch a fire for yourself
This time off blogging has helped me also identify and sound out a few more ‘black female life schema’ that is, mental sets, patterns, and attitudes, influencing the way black women approach life.
Last week I was over at actsoffaith blog where a discussion was ongoing about Obesity. One of the comments sent in, got me thinking for a while. I tried to respond but i am happy I didn’t, because I needed to mull over the comment a bit more.
Sometimes people say things and it isn’t really about what they are saying but how the comment is being generated from an ’expectation’ they have on you. One such comment popped up during the discussion and had I hastily replied, I could have stopped my own deeper and expanding understanding of an issue which I think is one of the corner stones issues to black women’s plight.
The first thing I want black women to let sink deep down in their spirit is that nobody is responsible for you.
No one losses out if you never fulfil your potential in life. Well let me be even more blunt and say, if you fell of the edge of the cliff today, I am sure one or two people would put a rose on your coffin, but that’s essentially it! Does that feel deflating? I guess we all want to feel that we are important but there is another side to it that we have to be grounded in reality.
I keep hearing these sentiments from black women. ‘Aren’t you gonna make me like your message?, Aren’t you gonna make it appeal to me?, Aren’t you going to make me want to get up and save my own life?’
These sentimenta are buried in black women’s comments and responses and seems so very strange given that it isnt about choosing the next shoe or handbag or film but about how to take their lives into abundance.
Apparently there are some black women who feel that ‘we’ (other bw or BWE who have come out as bw champions), will be sorry, if ‘they’ don’t make it! Twisted isn’t it. I came across a kids program the other day where a ‘character’ was ranting and stamping his feet about how, ‘Y’all will be sorry, if I run away (or did something which in essence had a net negative effect on him not them)’.
Some black women even go further and seem to have this funny notion that by withholding their acceptance of the commonsense notions BWE and others are trying to pass on, they are denying us something key, some victory, maybe pinching us and confirming their importance in our lives (as if this is about social endorsement and status games rather than their abundant living)! I guess because we have a declared interest in seeing black women win, by withholding their own ‘winning’, they are taking something from us or something!
There seems to be a weird and misplaced boyfriend-girlfriend/you have to court me etc dynamic underlying some of the responses from certain black women.
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| I might be drowining but ask me nicely or I wont come! |
One of the key things I want to pass on to bw as we enter a new year is that you have to, ‘catch a fire’ for your own life and your own future. The idea that someone else would/should care more, or would be hurt by your destruction is the height of delusional thinking. When we become adults we understand that ‘life will go on for others even if we die today’. The notion that society should care about black women falling by the way side, and we should devote our energies into making them care and making them (read: government) do right by us rather than ‘sort ourselves out’, is an idea that all empowered black women should leave in the dust.
Does it mean we should not work for a better world? No but we are wise, we know that if white women or Asian women can rely on ’government’ responding to their plight, government has not shown itself to be ’sympathetic’ to black women's situation. We black women ’work out our own salvation’ and we will continue to have to do so for the foreseeable future no matter how unfair that might seem to you.
1 Corinthian 9:24 says:
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize!
Another translation ends ‘So run to win!’
When you see a person who understands that no one is beholden to them in anyway, they have a particular attitude to life. You will notice that they are ‘up and doing’ and laying hold of every opportunity, looking out for an opportunity to prosper themselves, not waiting or thinking someone should ‘do for me‘.
The attitude of ‘society owes me’ will not serve anyone well in these lean times, so you better flee from anyone or anything reinforcing such expectations in you. Note that many of the liberals urging you to ‘demand your rights’ from society (meagre rights at that) are doing so from the comfort of rewards reaped from applying themselves or rewards from legacies of antecedents that applied themselves often shunning their rights and shunning shame etc. Thus they can afford to talk that way, they have a safety net.
But anyone who is lethargic rather than striving in these times will be caught between a rock and a hard place. In case some are unaware of how these things work, you can be all about ‘social justice’ but you must continue to feather your own nest. You cannot let yourself be lulled into any complacent place, feeling that an equal and just society will provide all your needs. It will provide just the basic if anything and at any rate, a just society doesn’t exist. If you want to live above subsistence you must strive.
I want to point out another key thing here. Most BWE are themselves running their own track to get something out of life. Most of us if not all, are coming out of the ‘indoctrination of black women into community service’ program too. Many of us have paid and will continue to pay the price of lost time and lost focus. So stop resenting BWE writers and thinking they by virtue of their ‘better placement’ (so you think) are obliged to chase you down to ‘hear’ the message of commonsense (indeed a lot of this ‘appeal to me’ ‘appeal to me’ stuff demanded of BWE comes from resentment). We are sharing sideways not from above. So if I am a black woman like you, simply ‘running my own life race,’ why should I be required to go out of my way to save you? This is indeed a borrowed attitude often seen displayed towards those who the black community denotes as having, ‘made it’, and thus should, ‘give back’. The black community however does not have genuine intentions towards those giving back, instead it fosters a toxic attitude towards those itemotionally blackmails into ‘giving back’ where the aim is to frustrate them and play sick mocking jokes on them, toying with their genuine desire to ‘give back‘. Indeed the intention has never really been about being lifted out, but dragging these ones down and back to the gutter. Its all a sick sick joke!
The world has shown it is averse to pushing resources black women's way and in additon BWE do not have the extra resources themselves to expend for 'rescue operations' for individual black women who expect to be courted into living well, even if BWE wanted to. We can only put the life saving information out there for you to take charge of saving yourself.
The case of 'living well' is not one that anyone should have to make for another and if such is the case then it reveals the deep damage on the part of the one demanding 'an explanation' or an incentive so they can take up the charge of living well. Purge yourself of any attitude or belief or mental program or peer pressure that makes you place so little on your own salvation that you are willing to joke about with it or become complacent and lethargic about taking conceret steps towards abundant living.
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Monday, October 18, 2010
Progress as by-product, She just snapped and a Blog Break
A Break calls to me. I often take a bit of a ‘break’ from Blogging in October and I am about to do that now, but just want to leave a few thoughts with you to chew over while I take a well needed break and I guess a reflection on the BWE work and blog.
Group progress is a natural ‘by-product’
Black women need to realize something very key; community thriving is a natural by-product of women thriving in those communities. We can see this clearly in the case of Africa. The women in most African countries are not doing well and thus the children born to these women are experiencing poverty and deprivation from generation to generation, which sets the tone for the community overall.
Black women going about getting the best out of life will naturally lift the tone of the group which they belong.
The wrong idea however that somehow the black woman has to ‘turn aside’ to do the work of elevating the community has gained currency over the years, this is why many black women think that the progress of the ‘community’ requires some form of denial and active sacrifice on their part. This then becomes the slope into the belief that it requires self-abnegation and the kind of level of dedication which automatically results in ‘self –neglect.’ Rather, community progress is a natural result of them shooting for the best for themselves be it the best ‘health’, best jobs, less stressful lifestyle, the best men, thus the best support and conditions within which they will birth the next generation and thus taking the next generation higher and higher.
Think of how flowers get pollinated from the natural activities of bees. Our fruit come to us as a natural product of Bees going about their natural business of life for themselves! As they gather nectar to make their food (honey) they pollinate the flowers giving us our food and fruit! In the natural course of foraging for food and shelter, animals also disperse seeds bringing in the crop. If a community will thrive it will automatically come from the natural ‘self considering’ activities of women not those of self negation, therefore it is important to be and get the best for you.
Many life process and systems are designed to be ‘built in’ and seamlessly woven into the flow of life. When you have to ‘wind thing up’ ‘over-exert yourself’ even ‘design additional systems’ e.g. set up government projects to bring about something that should be a natural by product of common life activities then you are dealing with a failed system.
She just Snapped!
I arrived home sometime last week to discover that my neighbour had trashed her house (as in smashed up the place).
Apparently the woman snapped and took a sledge hammer (or something of that nature) to the place. Now my neighbour is not black but I think her story highlights the importance of being with someone who shares the same goals both immediate and long-term, often goals that might not even been articulated properly but are deep and abiding aspirations.
From a friend I gathered that her man was an ‘out of job’ decorator. Nice enough but the fact that he was not working I believe played into the reason for the ‘incident’ in addition to other things. The woman was more or less ‘accepting’ of her husband out of work status and he looks after their son, while she works. Anyway I also learnt she was trying to buy a house (the one they were renting off the government). In order to have a chance at this, you have to keep the neighbors happy.
Well guess what, ‘endless loud music and weed smoking’ made the neighbors, write a petition against the woman and jeopardize her plans to buy the place.
My friend said the woman had asked her guy to ‘tone it down’ repeatedly and had warned him that his activities could block their attempts to secure the house. I am sure he kind of ‘got it’ but not to the necessary ‘depth’ and urgency, that was required apparently.
Indeed one thing being out of work can do is that it can make you ‘become out of touch’ with what people who have working lives do and their life flow. For instance people who work 9-5 etc most often do not play loud music on Sunday, or Saturday morning (on Saturday morning in particular because this is the time most normal workers might have for a lie-in), it just is a natural thing that springs from being in the flow of a working life or having a family set up immersed in ‘working and schooling life’ culture.
I believe the underlying major issue however was the fact that this woman was trying to secure the future for her young son. I believe from all indications this woman was of a ‘class’ that had forward plans around these kinds of things while her man was shall we say, ‘more immediate’ in concern. Let me add here that improving the prospects of the next generation with intent and purpose is to me the corner stone of a thriving community. A community that has a pattern of leaving the future of its young to chance (speaking on the family level of course) or approaches it haphazardly or gives the barest minimum it can to the effort is destined to be a ‘failed community’.
I think this was the trigger to the ‘house wrecking’ incident. This woman was doing all she could to ensure her child had a future investment and surely all a man could do was support this noble goal. What she got however was a man who was too focussed on self to not realize the wider impact of his activities (despite repeated ‘talks’) on the efforts of his partner towards securing a future investment for their son. Did the man hate his son? I doubt it, but a more immediate focus and less forward thinking can take the appearance of ‘not giving a care’.
I know many black women who are ‘with’ men focussed on their immediate pleasures and comfort while they the black women are busy trying to see how they can ‘build’ a future for the family. Imagine a situation where a man needs a hug but the wife knows hanging around to ‘cater’ to his feelings means she will miss her train to work. A man who know there is a long term focus in this respect will often compose himself and not allow such emotions to come in the way of long terms goals.
Men who throw tantrums about you catering to their ‘feelings’ or not being constantly there to stroke their little bruised egos (which no doubt in today’s society will be bumped now and again), are unlikely be able to see beyond their selves to focus on larger issues at stake like securing a better future for the children.
So we have an example of a ‘white man’ needing to grow up but in a recent project
I found myself struggling with two black male participants and the feedback coming was that ‘affirmation’ was necessary.
I however realized that the black women and white men and women on the team just ‘got on with the job’, it was the black men apparently who needed all the affirmation and building up and possibly ego stroking to get on with the basic tasks. I thought to myself, ‘It’s not affirming you need, you need to GROW UP’.
Insular mentality Part 11
Black women Please DO move mainstream
Stop huddling together with other blacks afraid of the wider world. Stop hiding away from the broader trends and broader social context looking for the black thing or the black place. Stop avoiding the broader playing fields in search of a black oasis or black controlled spaces where you think you will be supported and valued etc. On the contrary, most of these black spaces now harbour toxic dynamics and attitudes.
This need to separate out and move ‘side stream,’ is I believe a result of black people feeling that the rules of wider society were set against them, and would not let them win and at a point in history this was nothing but the truth. However in our present social context it is deadly for black women to remain always segregating towards that ‘black space’. It is in these places that they face a squeeze, devaluation, famine, cut throat competition etc etc. So essentially all black women have is the comfort of believing that these spaces are nurturing, providing and affirming but the reality is far different from what black women find comforting to believe.
When you move mainstream you give your abilities a good workout and hone and develop skills beyond mediocre (which unfortunately continues to be more than enough within black circles). You need that mental, attitudinal and ability workout from having to compete in general circles, it will make you a better and more aware person. Trust me it makes you think faster, with acuity and become more effective in your craft most importantly you are kept current and modern, understanding what applies ‘now’ as opposed to ten years ago! Sometimes you hear black folk talking and it is like they feel asleep for some decades!
You will learn how to be confident in diverse crowds, how to sell yourself well and make your services/attributes have wider appeal.
Also many black women are looking for the right thing in the wrong place. Many of us are seeking to feel accepted and that we belong in our work places. To me that’s why you have family and friends. Indeed I know a couple of black people who went to work for ‘black organisations’ because they wanted ‘warmness’ and ‘closeness’, they found something totally different! The workplace is a place to make a living mostly (not saying it isn’t welcome if you have thoughtful and amiable work colleagues) but at work, you essentially need a conducive and supportive atmosphere you don’t need to be hugged up with and loved up with your work colleagues!
Yes for some of us who zone in and gravitate towards ‘black this and that’, it can be scary, to think you have to ‘brave’ a wider world (constructed as hostile within the black perspective) but beyond the initial trepidation you are more than likely to receive a favourable response. In the wider context you will find a market for the practical, expedient and that which is good value for money, however within black circles I often find that you have no clue what black folk want and sometimes in the face of real practical needs black folk will prefer to play status games!
I know many ‘progressives’ continue to construct the world as untenably racist for black folk. Now I am beginning to think that many ‘progressives’ hold hidden motives to keep the status quo going, yet unlike their right leaning brethren are unaware of it.
Move outwards and breath fresher air.
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Group progress is a natural ‘by-product’
Black women need to realize something very key; community thriving is a natural by-product of women thriving in those communities. We can see this clearly in the case of Africa. The women in most African countries are not doing well and thus the children born to these women are experiencing poverty and deprivation from generation to generation, which sets the tone for the community overall.
Black women going about getting the best out of life will naturally lift the tone of the group which they belong.
The wrong idea however that somehow the black woman has to ‘turn aside’ to do the work of elevating the community has gained currency over the years, this is why many black women think that the progress of the ‘community’ requires some form of denial and active sacrifice on their part. This then becomes the slope into the belief that it requires self-abnegation and the kind of level of dedication which automatically results in ‘self –neglect.’ Rather, community progress is a natural result of them shooting for the best for themselves be it the best ‘health’, best jobs, less stressful lifestyle, the best men, thus the best support and conditions within which they will birth the next generation and thus taking the next generation higher and higher.
Think of how flowers get pollinated from the natural activities of bees. Our fruit come to us as a natural product of Bees going about their natural business of life for themselves! As they gather nectar to make their food (honey) they pollinate the flowers giving us our food and fruit! In the natural course of foraging for food and shelter, animals also disperse seeds bringing in the crop. If a community will thrive it will automatically come from the natural ‘self considering’ activities of women not those of self negation, therefore it is important to be and get the best for you.
Many life process and systems are designed to be ‘built in’ and seamlessly woven into the flow of life. When you have to ‘wind thing up’ ‘over-exert yourself’ even ‘design additional systems’ e.g. set up government projects to bring about something that should be a natural by product of common life activities then you are dealing with a failed system.
She just Snapped!
I arrived home sometime last week to discover that my neighbour had trashed her house (as in smashed up the place).
Apparently the woman snapped and took a sledge hammer (or something of that nature) to the place. Now my neighbour is not black but I think her story highlights the importance of being with someone who shares the same goals both immediate and long-term, often goals that might not even been articulated properly but are deep and abiding aspirations.
From a friend I gathered that her man was an ‘out of job’ decorator. Nice enough but the fact that he was not working I believe played into the reason for the ‘incident’ in addition to other things. The woman was more or less ‘accepting’ of her husband out of work status and he looks after their son, while she works. Anyway I also learnt she was trying to buy a house (the one they were renting off the government). In order to have a chance at this, you have to keep the neighbors happy.
Well guess what, ‘endless loud music and weed smoking’ made the neighbors, write a petition against the woman and jeopardize her plans to buy the place.
My friend said the woman had asked her guy to ‘tone it down’ repeatedly and had warned him that his activities could block their attempts to secure the house. I am sure he kind of ‘got it’ but not to the necessary ‘depth’ and urgency, that was required apparently.
Indeed one thing being out of work can do is that it can make you ‘become out of touch’ with what people who have working lives do and their life flow. For instance people who work 9-5 etc most often do not play loud music on Sunday, or Saturday morning (on Saturday morning in particular because this is the time most normal workers might have for a lie-in), it just is a natural thing that springs from being in the flow of a working life or having a family set up immersed in ‘working and schooling life’ culture.
I believe the underlying major issue however was the fact that this woman was trying to secure the future for her young son. I believe from all indications this woman was of a ‘class’ that had forward plans around these kinds of things while her man was shall we say, ‘more immediate’ in concern. Let me add here that improving the prospects of the next generation with intent and purpose is to me the corner stone of a thriving community. A community that has a pattern of leaving the future of its young to chance (speaking on the family level of course) or approaches it haphazardly or gives the barest minimum it can to the effort is destined to be a ‘failed community’.
I think this was the trigger to the ‘house wrecking’ incident. This woman was doing all she could to ensure her child had a future investment and surely all a man could do was support this noble goal. What she got however was a man who was too focussed on self to not realize the wider impact of his activities (despite repeated ‘talks’) on the efforts of his partner towards securing a future investment for their son. Did the man hate his son? I doubt it, but a more immediate focus and less forward thinking can take the appearance of ‘not giving a care’.
I know many black women who are ‘with’ men focussed on their immediate pleasures and comfort while they the black women are busy trying to see how they can ‘build’ a future for the family. Imagine a situation where a man needs a hug but the wife knows hanging around to ‘cater’ to his feelings means she will miss her train to work. A man who know there is a long term focus in this respect will often compose himself and not allow such emotions to come in the way of long terms goals.
Men who throw tantrums about you catering to their ‘feelings’ or not being constantly there to stroke their little bruised egos (which no doubt in today’s society will be bumped now and again), are unlikely be able to see beyond their selves to focus on larger issues at stake like securing a better future for the children.
So we have an example of a ‘white man’ needing to grow up but in a recent project
I found myself struggling with two black male participants and the feedback coming was that ‘affirmation’ was necessary.
I however realized that the black women and white men and women on the team just ‘got on with the job’, it was the black men apparently who needed all the affirmation and building up and possibly ego stroking to get on with the basic tasks. I thought to myself, ‘It’s not affirming you need, you need to GROW UP’.
Insular mentality Part 11
Black women Please DO move mainstream
Stop huddling together with other blacks afraid of the wider world. Stop hiding away from the broader trends and broader social context looking for the black thing or the black place. Stop avoiding the broader playing fields in search of a black oasis or black controlled spaces where you think you will be supported and valued etc. On the contrary, most of these black spaces now harbour toxic dynamics and attitudes.
This need to separate out and move ‘side stream,’ is I believe a result of black people feeling that the rules of wider society were set against them, and would not let them win and at a point in history this was nothing but the truth. However in our present social context it is deadly for black women to remain always segregating towards that ‘black space’. It is in these places that they face a squeeze, devaluation, famine, cut throat competition etc etc. So essentially all black women have is the comfort of believing that these spaces are nurturing, providing and affirming but the reality is far different from what black women find comforting to believe.
When you move mainstream you give your abilities a good workout and hone and develop skills beyond mediocre (which unfortunately continues to be more than enough within black circles). You need that mental, attitudinal and ability workout from having to compete in general circles, it will make you a better and more aware person. Trust me it makes you think faster, with acuity and become more effective in your craft most importantly you are kept current and modern, understanding what applies ‘now’ as opposed to ten years ago! Sometimes you hear black folk talking and it is like they feel asleep for some decades!
You will learn how to be confident in diverse crowds, how to sell yourself well and make your services/attributes have wider appeal.
Also many black women are looking for the right thing in the wrong place. Many of us are seeking to feel accepted and that we belong in our work places. To me that’s why you have family and friends. Indeed I know a couple of black people who went to work for ‘black organisations’ because they wanted ‘warmness’ and ‘closeness’, they found something totally different! The workplace is a place to make a living mostly (not saying it isn’t welcome if you have thoughtful and amiable work colleagues) but at work, you essentially need a conducive and supportive atmosphere you don’t need to be hugged up with and loved up with your work colleagues!
Yes for some of us who zone in and gravitate towards ‘black this and that’, it can be scary, to think you have to ‘brave’ a wider world (constructed as hostile within the black perspective) but beyond the initial trepidation you are more than likely to receive a favourable response. In the wider context you will find a market for the practical, expedient and that which is good value for money, however within black circles I often find that you have no clue what black folk want and sometimes in the face of real practical needs black folk will prefer to play status games!
I know many ‘progressives’ continue to construct the world as untenably racist for black folk. Now I am beginning to think that many ‘progressives’ hold hidden motives to keep the status quo going, yet unlike their right leaning brethren are unaware of it.
Move outwards and breath fresher air.
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Monday, October 11, 2010
Black women and an insular mentality Part I
I used to attend a Christian church which needed to employ a drummer.
Now I know one or two female drummers but they tend to be rare breeds at least around here. Anyway a woman drummer was recommended to me and I followed up by giving her a call to find out if she would be available for work. What I found at the end of the phone line was a surly, ill mannered woman who couldn’t even be bothered to be pleasant and enthused about the offer of a job. After a monosyllabic conversation (on her part), I booked her to play one session at least, against my instinct over the situation and surely as I expected, she turned up late and couldn’t join the musicians etc etc. So the whole thing was a failure and I still had to pay her travel costs!
Folks those of you who have instrument skills know that it is hard to get. It takes patience, and discipline and nights of frustration when you want to throw the trumpet at the wall. Why would anyone go through what it takes to acquire such a generally rare skill to hamper it with poor manners.
Now I know musicians are known for being absolute divas but often this is after they have become recognized masters at their craft and when they have achieved the fame and money. This woman was in the market for a job as a drummer, and not some famous and well paid star, so why the bad attitude towards a prospective employer?
After thinking about this for a while I came up with my theory.
This woman was of African descent and therein I believe lies the key.
Now in the UK Africans have a large network of ‘Pentecostal churches’, some attended by anything up to 2,000 people on Sunday (very small compared to US I know!). I believe that this young woman didn’t feel the need to ‘cultivate’ outer contacts or be ‘open’ to wider approach because she believed (and maybe was correct), that she would be well taken care of within her community network (where have we come across this attitude before lol!). Remember the biblical parable told by Jesus that I keep mentioning, about the ‘wise’ manager who only ‘discovered’ a need to cultivate wider friendships when he learnt he was about to be ’fired’!
Yes, its all good and well to be insular and turn your nose at networking wider, but what happens when black community becomes a place of unfulfilled dreams, and famine for black women for instance in finding interested men who want to marry? What happens when she is not able to get her needs met within said community eg she needs to make a living outside it?
Indeed, this whole insular attitude thing I believe speaks to another key issue. Black women often package themselves for ‘their community’. I see it all around me as I go to and fro in my daily journeys. They present themselves, dress themselves, have mannerisms, emote etc in ways that are understood subliminally to make them black community property. Its very intangible very subtle, but I believe there is metaphorically speaking a ‘uniform’ that black women don that denotes them as Black community items you know, ‘if found please return to your nearest black community’ kind of thing going on. Designed to appeal only within and be available to only the black community, its men and its people. The thing here is that many of us who hope to broaden our horizons, go around with the same uniform unknowingly mostly because we mimic each other and possibly on some level think, ‘this is how black women are suppose to dress‘.
I think this is one reason why black women can be teeming around white men and vice versa yet somehow white men do not ‘see’ them. On some level black women have been filed under ‘reserved for black only’. We are hidden in plain sight because we are in a dress and presentation code which is picked up and understood to locate one rigidly within black only and one which says, we welcome only interaction overtures from blacks.
Black in love with color black
There is just something about the color black that black women cant do without. Most of the black women around me, if not dressed head to toe in the stuff, have at least two items of clothing that are black (I am outing myself here as a black wearer also!). Is it because it is safe, neutral or a color to hide many sins or maybe we can wear it with other things (as in a black shoe can be worn with so many other colors but not the same with say blue).
May suggestion is try and look at other neutral colors, give greys a go or browns. Add something quirky to your ensemble. A signal to tell people, ‘Hey woman of the world coming through’.
And you know the kicker here, Weaves and straight styles have become a part of this ‘black uniform’. Nothing marks black women out as ‘firmly within her community,’ than that parted straight weave style that many black women wear!
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Now I know one or two female drummers but they tend to be rare breeds at least around here. Anyway a woman drummer was recommended to me and I followed up by giving her a call to find out if she would be available for work. What I found at the end of the phone line was a surly, ill mannered woman who couldn’t even be bothered to be pleasant and enthused about the offer of a job. After a monosyllabic conversation (on her part), I booked her to play one session at least, against my instinct over the situation and surely as I expected, she turned up late and couldn’t join the musicians etc etc. So the whole thing was a failure and I still had to pay her travel costs!
Folks those of you who have instrument skills know that it is hard to get. It takes patience, and discipline and nights of frustration when you want to throw the trumpet at the wall. Why would anyone go through what it takes to acquire such a generally rare skill to hamper it with poor manners.
Now I know musicians are known for being absolute divas but often this is after they have become recognized masters at their craft and when they have achieved the fame and money. This woman was in the market for a job as a drummer, and not some famous and well paid star, so why the bad attitude towards a prospective employer?
After thinking about this for a while I came up with my theory.
This woman was of African descent and therein I believe lies the key.
Now in the UK Africans have a large network of ‘Pentecostal churches’, some attended by anything up to 2,000 people on Sunday (very small compared to US I know!). I believe that this young woman didn’t feel the need to ‘cultivate’ outer contacts or be ‘open’ to wider approach because she believed (and maybe was correct), that she would be well taken care of within her community network (where have we come across this attitude before lol!). Remember the biblical parable told by Jesus that I keep mentioning, about the ‘wise’ manager who only ‘discovered’ a need to cultivate wider friendships when he learnt he was about to be ’fired’!
Yes, its all good and well to be insular and turn your nose at networking wider, but what happens when black community becomes a place of unfulfilled dreams, and famine for black women for instance in finding interested men who want to marry? What happens when she is not able to get her needs met within said community eg she needs to make a living outside it?
Indeed, this whole insular attitude thing I believe speaks to another key issue. Black women often package themselves for ‘their community’. I see it all around me as I go to and fro in my daily journeys. They present themselves, dress themselves, have mannerisms, emote etc in ways that are understood subliminally to make them black community property. Its very intangible very subtle, but I believe there is metaphorically speaking a ‘uniform’ that black women don that denotes them as Black community items you know, ‘if found please return to your nearest black community’ kind of thing going on. Designed to appeal only within and be available to only the black community, its men and its people. The thing here is that many of us who hope to broaden our horizons, go around with the same uniform unknowingly mostly because we mimic each other and possibly on some level think, ‘this is how black women are suppose to dress‘.
I think this is one reason why black women can be teeming around white men and vice versa yet somehow white men do not ‘see’ them. On some level black women have been filed under ‘reserved for black only’. We are hidden in plain sight because we are in a dress and presentation code which is picked up and understood to locate one rigidly within black only and one which says, we welcome only interaction overtures from blacks.
Black in love with color black
There is just something about the color black that black women cant do without. Most of the black women around me, if not dressed head to toe in the stuff, have at least two items of clothing that are black (I am outing myself here as a black wearer also!). Is it because it is safe, neutral or a color to hide many sins or maybe we can wear it with other things (as in a black shoe can be worn with so many other colors but not the same with say blue).
May suggestion is try and look at other neutral colors, give greys a go or browns. Add something quirky to your ensemble. A signal to tell people, ‘Hey woman of the world coming through’.
And you know the kicker here, Weaves and straight styles have become a part of this ‘black uniform’. Nothing marks black women out as ‘firmly within her community,’ than that parted straight weave style that many black women wear!
Wondering about interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Sunday, October 03, 2010
What would white feminsists do?
Imagine this scenerio:
A black woman walks into a shop with an object in her hand, she says ‘I have this object here that is shaped in a unique and different way. ‘Can you find me a bowl/container that will fit round it or be enough to ‘encompass’ it in its entirety?
There is this white woman there managing the store and she has a group of assistants, these assistants happen to be black women and they look at the object and after a few minutes their faces take on a semi contemptuous look towards the object.
‘Sorry’ they say, ‘Your object has to fit into one of these ‘standard’ containers we have here or it really isn’t a ‘valid’ ‘worthwhile’ object, in fact you will have to go and file it down and knock off bits of it to get it to fit one of these 'universal' bowls, which is really the ‘accepted’ container that all such objects need to be able to fit into!’
Well, this is exactly what bw are expected to do; to fit their issues, their responses and reactions, the nuances of their situation and their ‘understanding’ of what ails them into accepted feminist frameworks developed from a white female perspective and thought process. If these don’t fit, black women are expected and asked to take them away and make sure they cut off ‘an arm’ or ‘a leg’ so that it fits neatly with ‘white female theories’ and views of the female world and their acceptable analysis of such things.
RE: NWNW
Most black female theorists have also gone on a mission to insure that they too fit their struggles into these 'boxes' created by white female thought processes and priorities. Yes it is fascinating for me to note how even fellow bw are struggling to force their fellow black women's issues into the neat box as prepared by white feminists, a box constructed with their world in mind, a box that fits and was made to fit with how their issues are shaped and how things 'occur for them'.
On the surface it might appear that black women's issues have fitted neatly into white feminists boxes and the 'elevation' of black womanhood is on the way 'thank God', but before long you realize that 'a foot is missing' or a 'hand has not been adequately covered' or the head has had to be twisted into a painful angle to ensure it is contained within the box.
It is worrying to note how fellow black women invalidate the concerns of other black women when 'it does not neatly fit into boxes' prepared by a white feminist thought process and priorities!
I indeed find it worrying to note that the way bw approach the concepts and terms of white female theory (read: feminism) as if it was handed down from mount Sinai (along with the ten commandments); perfect and universal, ready to apply to and fit with issues for every female of every shade, hue and culture and every female issue that ever occurs. I am even more concerned that many black women who puport to be feminist do not realize that we arrived at the current feminist theoretical framework through years of arguing and discussing and dissecting and putting together and again tearing apart and revaluating and dissenting (in fact there are only a few core ideas of feminism endorsed across all the strands of feminism and yes there are many strands some locked in perpetual battle with each other) and chopping and changing the structure to make it accomodate all white women were feeling, saying, experincing expressing etc etc.
I am surprise to note that many bw do not know that white women brought their feelings (honoured and valued how they felt about certain things even when these were sneered at by the wider community), to the table, also bringing their experiences, their priorities, concerns, their heart felt emotions, things they raged against, thing they could not fit neatly into 'progressive frames', things they couldnt justify yet felt strongly about etc etc etc and when these had finally been assembled, they now Encased All of these in a framework called feminism.
Many black women who 'pledge' to be feminists, act like feminist theories are set in stone, sacred and cannot be adapted to suit but must be applied as is! Many act like black women are to be held prisoners to the precepts of feminism rather than the precepts being there for the purpose of serving black women's needs be they practical, spiritual, intellectual, existential, and what have you. Essentially to serve the 'essence' and preservation of black womanhood!
Note the conversation that goes on when black women bring the enitrety of their issues forward to try to ensure a robust enough framework to comprehensively fit and address their situation:
BW- ‘I feel this way about this’,
Feminist Gatekeeper -‘Oh well it doesn’t fit well into this pre prepared box here, so it definitely is invalid to include as an important feminist issue.’
BW-'This issue keeps recurring so it is central to our situation'.
Feminsist Gatkeeper- ‘Well this issue actually goes against the ‘already prepared version of events’ laid out as acceptable feminist frame, therefore it has to be discounted.’
BW- 'I feel strongly about this and think my feelings must count'
FGK- 'Well those feelings go against our decisison never to upset A or speak out against C or to bring up B for revaluation or indict D for their inhumanity and since we hold these restrictions central please be off with it'.
And so on and on it goes until bw are forced into a feminist model that ill fits their struggle.
You would have thought that by now black women theorists would realise that you first gather together all black women’s concerns, needs, honor their feelings and cares and hunches, their observations AND THEN build a feminist model around all these, rather than cut of the salient and important parts of the narrative as it stands for black women, in order that it may ‘fit’ into the design that white female theorists (read: white feminists) have decided to be ‘appropriate’.
I can almost here Jesus say, 'The sabbath was made for (wo)man, (wo)man was not made for the sabbath'
BW need to take care because:
A whole bunch of folk are trying to force black women into modes and models that are not 'meaningful' for black women and the black woman's situation, in fact some of these models will lead black women into even greater 'tragedy'.
Feminsism is not about big language and something that exists in 'theorectical space'. Feminsism is about the practical and how women can make it better for themselves in the now (more so for black women who are at the negative end of so many social trends). I mean what is the point if your feminsim is simply theory and all about intellectual debating as black women fall deeper and deeper into the pit. Surely your framework can only be useful if it provides for the immediate survival and rescue of the black female!
If the terrain is different the wheel might need to be re-invented!
White women have been granted the 'social space' to hash out their issues and come up with the approporaite models to work with. I dont see this happening with black women with all and sundry (white men, black men and white women) closing in on what should be internal debates to lecture them on what should be 'the appropraite models' for their struggles (of course models that skirt the exposing of the major culprits in their situation). My question remains, 'Where is that granted 'social space' for bw to go through the process (as white owmen were allowed to), to come up with meanigful concepts, ideas and models for their situation? All I see is folks rushing in to force bw into models that continue to be ill fitting for the black woman's situation.
Indeed I hear folks saying black women should eschew any models that points a finger or lays blame on black men. Pity they didnt remeber to tell that to white women when they declared an all out war to extricate themselves from under the feet of men, not more than 5 decades ago.
White women were allowed to take men to task for their behaviour as a collective towards women with no one rushing in to supress their assertions about men.
Indeed I dont recall the likes of Gloria Steinem arguing for consideration to be shown for 'the good white men' out there. But then again maybe I am wrong and she prefaced her every comment with 'there are good men out there including my brother, uncle and father!'
Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, I have written an IR E-book that gives comprehensive insight into this subject!
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A black woman walks into a shop with an object in her hand, she says ‘I have this object here that is shaped in a unique and different way. ‘Can you find me a bowl/container that will fit round it or be enough to ‘encompass’ it in its entirety?
There is this white woman there managing the store and she has a group of assistants, these assistants happen to be black women and they look at the object and after a few minutes their faces take on a semi contemptuous look towards the object.
‘Sorry’ they say, ‘Your object has to fit into one of these ‘standard’ containers we have here or it really isn’t a ‘valid’ ‘worthwhile’ object, in fact you will have to go and file it down and knock off bits of it to get it to fit one of these 'universal' bowls, which is really the ‘accepted’ container that all such objects need to be able to fit into!’
Well, this is exactly what bw are expected to do; to fit their issues, their responses and reactions, the nuances of their situation and their ‘understanding’ of what ails them into accepted feminist frameworks developed from a white female perspective and thought process. If these don’t fit, black women are expected and asked to take them away and make sure they cut off ‘an arm’ or ‘a leg’ so that it fits neatly with ‘white female theories’ and views of the female world and their acceptable analysis of such things.
RE: NWNW
Halima, virtually all of the confusion among bw regarding this issue and many others is due to bw contorting themselves to accommodate the damaged thinking and behavior of bm.
Since the bulk of black males in the West have adopted the thinking and behaviors that are out of sync with the norms of most cultures, societies and groups in the world, black women suicidally adjust their thinking and behavior to follow suit. This is THE pattern of behavior of the masses of bw.
For ex. I cannot imagine more than a handful (if even that many) of bw arguing that it's fine for them to have massive numbers of children OOW by white men or Asian men. LOL! They would NEVER do that. It's only because they're having these children by black males who won't marry them and assume the role of men and responsible fathers, that these women are making this foolish argument. Why? It's because so many AA women and bw of that type have been programmed for centuries to adjust for (emphasis added by halima) and be self-sacrificing for non-reciprocating, hateful bm- Evia
Most black female theorists have also gone on a mission to insure that they too fit their struggles into these 'boxes' created by white female thought processes and priorities. Yes it is fascinating for me to note how even fellow bw are struggling to force their fellow black women's issues into the neat box as prepared by white feminists, a box constructed with their world in mind, a box that fits and was made to fit with how their issues are shaped and how things 'occur for them'.
On the surface it might appear that black women's issues have fitted neatly into white feminists boxes and the 'elevation' of black womanhood is on the way 'thank God', but before long you realize that 'a foot is missing' or a 'hand has not been adequately covered' or the head has had to be twisted into a painful angle to ensure it is contained within the box.
It is worrying to note how fellow black women invalidate the concerns of other black women when 'it does not neatly fit into boxes' prepared by a white feminist thought process and priorities!
I indeed find it worrying to note that the way bw approach the concepts and terms of white female theory (read: feminism) as if it was handed down from mount Sinai (along with the ten commandments); perfect and universal, ready to apply to and fit with issues for every female of every shade, hue and culture and every female issue that ever occurs. I am even more concerned that many black women who puport to be feminist do not realize that we arrived at the current feminist theoretical framework through years of arguing and discussing and dissecting and putting together and again tearing apart and revaluating and dissenting (in fact there are only a few core ideas of feminism endorsed across all the strands of feminism and yes there are many strands some locked in perpetual battle with each other) and chopping and changing the structure to make it accomodate all white women were feeling, saying, experincing expressing etc etc.
I am surprise to note that many bw do not know that white women brought their feelings (honoured and valued how they felt about certain things even when these were sneered at by the wider community), to the table, also bringing their experiences, their priorities, concerns, their heart felt emotions, things they raged against, thing they could not fit neatly into 'progressive frames', things they couldnt justify yet felt strongly about etc etc etc and when these had finally been assembled, they now Encased All of these in a framework called feminism.
Many black women who 'pledge' to be feminists, act like feminist theories are set in stone, sacred and cannot be adapted to suit but must be applied as is! Many act like black women are to be held prisoners to the precepts of feminism rather than the precepts being there for the purpose of serving black women's needs be they practical, spiritual, intellectual, existential, and what have you. Essentially to serve the 'essence' and preservation of black womanhood!
Note the conversation that goes on when black women bring the enitrety of their issues forward to try to ensure a robust enough framework to comprehensively fit and address their situation:
BW- ‘I feel this way about this’,
Feminist Gatekeeper -‘Oh well it doesn’t fit well into this pre prepared box here, so it definitely is invalid to include as an important feminist issue.’
BW-'This issue keeps recurring so it is central to our situation'.
Feminsist Gatkeeper- ‘Well this issue actually goes against the ‘already prepared version of events’ laid out as acceptable feminist frame, therefore it has to be discounted.’
BW- 'I feel strongly about this and think my feelings must count'
FGK- 'Well those feelings go against our decisison never to upset A or speak out against C or to bring up B for revaluation or indict D for their inhumanity and since we hold these restrictions central please be off with it'.
And so on and on it goes until bw are forced into a feminist model that ill fits their struggle.
You would have thought that by now black women theorists would realise that you first gather together all black women’s concerns, needs, honor their feelings and cares and hunches, their observations AND THEN build a feminist model around all these, rather than cut of the salient and important parts of the narrative as it stands for black women, in order that it may ‘fit’ into the design that white female theorists (read: white feminists) have decided to be ‘appropriate’.
I can almost here Jesus say, 'The sabbath was made for (wo)man, (wo)man was not made for the sabbath'
BW need to take care because:
A whole bunch of folk are trying to force black women into modes and models that are not 'meaningful' for black women and the black woman's situation, in fact some of these models will lead black women into even greater 'tragedy'.
Feminsism is not about big language and something that exists in 'theorectical space'. Feminsism is about the practical and how women can make it better for themselves in the now (more so for black women who are at the negative end of so many social trends). I mean what is the point if your feminsim is simply theory and all about intellectual debating as black women fall deeper and deeper into the pit. Surely your framework can only be useful if it provides for the immediate survival and rescue of the black female!
If the terrain is different the wheel might need to be re-invented!
White women have been granted the 'social space' to hash out their issues and come up with the approporaite models to work with. I dont see this happening with black women with all and sundry (white men, black men and white women) closing in on what should be internal debates to lecture them on what should be 'the appropraite models' for their struggles (of course models that skirt the exposing of the major culprits in their situation). My question remains, 'Where is that granted 'social space' for bw to go through the process (as white owmen were allowed to), to come up with meanigful concepts, ideas and models for their situation? All I see is folks rushing in to force bw into models that continue to be ill fitting for the black woman's situation.
Indeed I hear folks saying black women should eschew any models that points a finger or lays blame on black men. Pity they didnt remeber to tell that to white women when they declared an all out war to extricate themselves from under the feet of men, not more than 5 decades ago.
White women were allowed to take men to task for their behaviour as a collective towards women with no one rushing in to supress their assertions about men.
Indeed I dont recall the likes of Gloria Steinem arguing for consideration to be shown for 'the good white men' out there. But then again maybe I am wrong and she prefaced her every comment with 'there are good men out there including my brother, uncle and father!'
Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, I have written an IR E-book that gives comprehensive insight into this subject!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
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