The Question Remains...

Do black women really understand the real nature of 'the black community' when they speak so affectionately of ?

I hear black women embrace 'community' with heartfelt emotion whenever they use the term, and I wonder wether these women really understand what they are claiming and embracing to their bossoms!


Expectations from the community for black women

For the sake of community you are supposed to:

• Endure colorism
• Be happy with less than what other women take as bear minimum standard from men
• Let her human rights be trampled on
• Give without expecting to receive anything back
• Endure black male brutality and black community indifference to this brutality
• Endure the black female blaming for whatever goes wrong and whatever action she tries to help the situation out eg OOW
• Hide her bruises, injuries and worries
• Put up with blatant sexism and racio-misogyny expressed in black settings including the black church
• Put up with having the whole weight for the upkeep of black community resting solely on her shoulders
• Deflect bitterness and anger unto other black women who are often doing the best they can with what they are given to work with
• Stone fellow black women if her case threatens to inconveniences black men in anyway
• Put up with being called Hos, Shortie, gold digger, dark butt, bitch etc etc
• Carry grown men on her back and provide endless excuses for their failures
• Cut herself off from broader and less polluted social options and situations
• Give back till your net worth is £5 $5(oops I think the study was in $)
• Live in dangerous neighbourhoods and not think of her own safety and survival as an important factor but embrace the high risk of ending up dead or maimed by the violence characterizing most black majority areas
• Accept aloneness as a necessary and possible outcome of 'service' of your life philosophy
• recieve glorification only through suffering
• No nuture, no succour and no protection
• Given all the responsbilitites of manhood with non of the privileges of malehood

Can readers come up with any other cons and indeed any 'pros' to add so we can see what payoff there is for clinging to the notion of 'Black Community'.


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Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

How Black Women Change their Minds

Over the years I have discovered that black women often follow a perculiar trajectory out of the black matrix belief system (black thought system) that currently holds sway over black women, when they confront the BWE (Black Women Empowernment) thinking. more after the jump!

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What I do know is that society literally invisibalizes thin black women, emphasizes thin white women, invisibalizes fat white women, and emphasizes fat black women. This is nothing new. Therefore, black women are publicized and applauded for being fat while white women are not as visible.


When we prove that we're different from other women, that we're fat when they're thin, that we're strong when they're vulnerable, that we're loud when they are coy, when we're "independent" when they rely on marriage, when we say we are alone when they are loved... it makes others comfortable because we are effectively dehumanized and meant to accept a more degrading/downgraded existence than they are. And of course, others are totally comfortable with this place. When we state that this is positive, we agree with them!


I fully support "curvy" coming back (obviously, this is a personal bias)... But I REFUSE to endorse, support, or acknowledge black women being used as role-models for white female body acceptance and superiority, as is done with Queen Latifah as a Covergirl rep or Hattie McDaniel types in American Cinema. And I wouldn't if I were you, either....Stylized Conclusions
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The steps are:

Step 1: Black woman come into contact with the different view (BWE). Her likely response is outrage (how dare you transgress and disrespect our most sacred symbols and beliefs as black people!).

She however can't seem to dismiss as rubbish or keep away from this 'scandalous ideology' expecially as there are things within it's content that she cannot disagree with. However even as there is the dawning that the 'new' view might be the truth she needs to hear, and that she has been told lies over all these years, fear, and a big fear at that, takes hold.

This fear is particulaly because she begins to see that she might have to abandon the bulk of the black ideology which has anchored her identity, and also take such an action which has been categorized by BTS as an act of treason to her black race.

In addition, what is being suggested by BWE writing ie that she has been the victim of deep coverups and deception and has been betrayed by the black concensus and etc etc, is just too hard to handle that knee jerk rejection of the claims is the first response. Indeed imagine all the elaborate ideas and dreams sown deep into black women's hearts and minds over the years, ideas which have captured the imagination of black women and their passion, and suddenly BWE are sayin it is all a one sided con! Never.

This fear sees her rededicating herself to the 'black thought system' and 'black way' and redoubling her efforts in it, thinking that this is just an issue of her momentarily 'doubting' and a need for her to step up committment and understanding of the BTS argument (all her fault). She is at this stage also more likely to go back to the same gate keepers of the black thought system for reassurance, clarity and to rebuff this 'new' anti black thinking (as she terms it at this point). This is about the fear of breaking disloyalty tabboos, which the black thought system has cleverly enacted for the express purposes of preventing this sort of dissent and revaluation and by going back to the same gate keepers, she is essentially investing in maintaining her denial by giving them a chance to lock her back up in the black matrix thought system. However when black women have 'confronted' the BWE ideology, the seeds are sown.

Step 2: However the disloyalty taboos wears off and the next stage is likely anger at the deception over so many years and so much sacrifice in trying to do the right thing according to the dictates of the black concensus and its thought system.

Strangely the anger is often towards those who are causing her to wake up to the truth. This is mostly the case when a black woman has given so much dedication to race (through following the black thought system devotedly) and would thus prefer to not be woken up to the painful truth.

Step 3: Having watched black women go through this cycle of change for years I believe that some black women (a significant portion) actually go through what I term a 'self-spiting' phase which is characterised by understanding the truth yet insisting on continuing the path that is leading to broken dreams. Black women who rationalize and come up with 'justifications' as to why they 'deserve' to be in the bad way and defeat attempts to pull them free are deep in this self-spiting mindframe. However some black women simply learn to parrot the language and speech patterns of self-spiters eg those black women who come up with reasons why black women are 'underserving' of being married for instance or of having the benefits that other women freely partake in, are examples of those who parrot because they are unthinking (some black women are indeed stuck and cant detach themselves from this way of being), however other black women develop a deep malevolence towards black women and black womanhood which includes themselves and as such, embrace their own demise and become self-mockers!

Indeed I think in this self-spiting stage, some black women are unconsciously punishing themselves for being such fools, while others have understood that what is being asked of them is self annihilatory black patrotism, and have decided to be willing to go along

Step 4: On the other hand, there is the weighing up stage (silent reading and contemplating) with some black women which finally leads to a willlingness to accept a few ‘truths’ that are personally undeniable from the new manner of thinking.

For some black women there will finally be enough discord with the orginal thought system to cross over to the new way of thinking (BWE in this case). However for others they move to a mid ground and do not fully emerge into the BWE thought systems because they possibly have a personal resentment of the message bearers for a raft of reasons which could range from envy (why are they the ones who happened upon this important message or are showing the courage to confront BTS) all the way to resenting the the whole life upheaval caused by their 'teaching'. This mid ground could be a permanant place for many black women. A lot of black women who make a job of attacking or pitching themselves against BWE writers are to be found in this mid ground.

I have to reiterate that a key reason for 'midground settling' is dislike of the messangers and not wanting to 'submit or capitulate' to such message carriers. Nit picking of the BWE message and splitting hairs etc is a well known symptom of this posture which is born of a need to mark themselves out as 'different' to BWE thinking.

Another reason for staying in midground is anger with both sides (for different reasons), and a refusal to talk anymore about the issue, or refusal to hear what any has to say ('I am now my own thinker' etc posture).

Some information on BWE Aims and Objectives

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The wise man and what he discovered...

There was a very wise man who lived in a village in india.

People used to come to hear him talk.

This man was very passionate about his topic and he used to lecture with great gusto. Anyway over the years he honed his topic till there were simply three key points which he was able to deliver in a full day lecture.

He said to himself, 'After this session I am sure that people would have heard all I want to communicate and that will be it, I will go on to other things'.

So he did what he thought was his final lecture.

The next day the same group of people gathered at the same time to hear him speak.

When the man saw the audience gathered he was at loss for what to say to them, so he repeated his last lecture and padded it out a bit with jokes and anecdotes.

The next day again the same folks all turned up, and the wise man repeated his routein.

The next day they turned up again.

It then dawned on the wise man that it didn’t matter what he said, these people were invested in turning up to listen to him and he could be saying anything or nothing but they would still feel a need to turn up. So he became bold.

One day he came in and said very little, the next day he brought a mat and slept through the time, but they all considered his actions wise and profound beyond belief, and were convinced that he was really trying to get across something vital even if his delivery was to sleep through the lecture!

He then begun to disdain them for their stupidity and called them out on it at the next lecture date. They still turned up to listen to him faithfully. He realise then that he could use them for his own amusement and so he did, each and every day they turned up to give him their attention and time and even money and he laughed at, taunted and goaded them to 'get a clue' with every single sentence.

Moral of the story: If you don’t catch a clue people will use you for their own amusement.

Are black men now using black women for their amusement, particularly as black women insist on having 'dialogue' when they have shown in every possible way that 'dialoguing' with black women over anything is the last thing on their list, in fact they are happy for things to remain pretty much the way they are feeding towards their own selfish benefit.

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

Looking for black women who are ready to put away bitterness and put in the effort they need

A Christian approach to a practical problem
When you look at how black women approach the issue of their dating situation you can see clear indications that they are approaching it as a spitirual issue and within a spiritual or spiritual-christian frame work and adopting the spiritual solution of 'faith' and 'hope'. The language of faith and of Hope and of believing God to turn around a situation etc etc or beliving God for a change and 'holding out for your victory' (and the whole inertia that this manner of thinking bestows on black women) is not one that is alien to black women, in fact we are reared on this type of talk and perspective.

Not suprising that when you look at how the wider body of black women approach their situation with black men, it gives off the general sense of applying this faith based approach to a practical problem...particularly the wait bit, the endless waiting and doing nothting practical to alleviate the situation. To me it falls in line with faith approach that is a staple in bw mindset. Faith based solutions to their issues and problems, even if bw are not realising it on a conscious level, are very popular and readily grasped by the black female populace for addressing anything from health problems to practical problem of gender number imbalance in dating whuch would be better served in a clear and straight forward practical way eg, move, expanding dating horizon, etc.

'Waiting on and believing God for a turn around of the situation', 'holding out (for victory)', 'never giving up etc,' maybe 'taking it to the lord in prayer' all these are clearly evidenced in the way black women repsond and are straight from the faith talk rule book. Now there is a long history of the use of a spiritual/christian approach within black culture. However a clear question here is, how does the black woman not adjuting to the current dating reality, but simply ‘trusting God’ (possibly wanting God to make things to go back to how they were with black men 30 years ago), constitiute a 'reasonable response' to their situation, that will bring them a desired outcome. How does ‘taking it to the lord in prayer’, help especially when God himself is no respector of persons and probably knows he has made enough provision for black women seeking mates, black women who however prefer to put God in a 'box' and confine God's response to fidning them a man who is black only. Indeed was it not Peter who was instructed to choose his fare from the whole range of animals (symbolic for taking the gospel to all of humanity), and told that 'what God had made clean, no one should call unclean'?

Indeed looking at the reaction and behaviour of black women especially those of the christian tradition, you would think white men are not also 'washed by the blood' as the next black person, an erroneous and unchristian belief which they will pay a high price for holding unto. As someone once said, 'God will not bless your mess!'

Adapt or Die
Shopping on the highstreet (as we call it) yesterday, I was so suprised at how many shops were closing down or had closed down. I was also amazed at how many folk where out there in the street aggressively selling, handing out leaflets promising discounts and trying to undercut the next shop!

The message is simple, ADAPT or DIE.

The root of bitterness seems to have taken hold in many black women even those who believe they are really trying to get on with life now they see clearly what they have to do. I believe this bitterness permeates how many of them approach the solutions that they see in front of them. The endless heel dragging, resistance and resentment of the fact that they now have to 'do something', or 'adjust to the new realities,' is evidence of this bitterness. Ever since the BWE message came to black women, we have been fighting a upswell of resentment of black women against 'adapting' to their changed situation.

It seems we are dragging black women kicking and screaming into the 21st century dating reality, there is this resistance to updating the protocol necessary to secure their future, constant whinning about how unfair life is to black women (as if they had just arrived in the west and come to know racism for the first time). It just shows how much of a bubble black women have been in, really disconnected them from reality!

It is amazing that when black women where under the impression that 'black men where there for them', they were happy to 'strive' towards finding themselves a black man (do their hair, keep their junk, burn their bridges with any other man etc, go up and chat to him, steal them from others, pick them up for dates, move them into their own flats etc etc). Now black women are confronting a new dating reality they are resenting greatly having to 'adjust' and align to the new dating arena. They refuse to do anything to reposition themselves, and there is all this hair splitting over what constituets bending over backwards for white men. This I suppose speaks to the racial resentment which black women are carrying 'intact' with them into the broader dating arena.

Black women will go out of their way to appeal to black men but are (because of their still strong feelings of the right and proper ways to conduct themselves with race in the equation), repulsed by the notion of doing anything to appeal to white and other non black men.


If you live further from the well, you wake up 10 mins earlier
On the other hand, many black women who are genuinly willing to do something to secure their future, are fearful and complaining that the stakes are weighed heavily against them in the dating arena and are bemoaning their fate and wringing their hands and saying it is impossible for them, life is so unfair etc, yet to me what they see as an insurmountable situation, amounts to just having to wake up ten minutes earlier then everyone else and putting in an extra 10mins effort each day.

Is it fair? No, but who cant wake up 10 mins earlier?

The Mindset of the Extra Mile
But let me also add this, we have to be people of 'more than it takes,' and of doing over and beyond not just enough, because just enough often works out to be less than it takes, but if you do more than enough you have something in hand!

The reason why many black children are suffering and their lives blighted etc is because black people adopt the protocol of 'just about enough,' or 'I will hope for the rest.'

I believe Jesus spoke about this when he said, 'go the extra mile'. When you are in the mindset of 'the extra mile' you do not worry that, 'it might not add up'. There are all sorts of ways this transaltes into practical terms, if 1800 calories will keep you at your ideal weight, why not drop to 1750 or 1700, plan to arrive 15 mind ahead of your appointment!

 It wouldn’t kill any black woman to put in what amounts to 10 mins more effort to the day.


Articles about black women and marriage
I get tired as the rest of black womanhood about the latest 'black women are alone' article, however there is a problem with black women being alone, wether this be uncomfortable to admit or not! That a generation of black women will hardly marry and many will not procreate is newsworthy, and I'd rather the news reports etc continue, than black women be kept in the darks over the real deal.

Indeed the silence and media blackout maintained within black circles before now, has been the reason why it has reached this epidemic proportion. Lets face it, Ebony and Essence where not interested in telling black women their marriage rates where plummting in time for the trend to be arrested. No, they let the frog stay in boiling water (applying the faith approach of hoping and having faith the situation would turn around but more like burying heads in the sand). So if other folks are doing the honors then let them!

Regardless of how much I 'wince' over the articles and the positioning of black women as ...well umammariagebale, I am hoping more black women will, 'wake up' with these articles and ask, 'Why indeed am I waiting and for whom?' and 'How can I ensure I dont end up one of the statistics?'

Spilling their 'guts' for sympathy
And what is this about black women in public forums trying to explain why we are in the situation/spilling their guts to wider parties as if they care. THEY DON’T. Why cant black women get it, that others just don’t care! There is no general narrative out there in the public space that encourages ‘sympathy’ for black women and her condition, and in addition, many factions are actively working to keep the situation as it is, so that black women do not get to have any piece of this very important public sympathy, which is a currency as it can easily translate into all sorts of policy changes and redirection of resources towards black women.

The constructed discourses out there have told and taught people to not ‘stop’ and contemplate what black women are experiencing nor extend any sympathetic concern in fact, in some quatres black women are seen to be having it sooooo good, that is when they are not themselves busy victimizing the poor henpecked black man or the sensitive little white woman. It is one of the reasons why we black women are ‘kept’ in a particular uncomplimentary narrative, acting out roles that reinforce the notion that we should get no sympathy and dont deserve it. Indeed general sympathy easily translate into all sorts of practical benefits, which folk are fighting tooth and nail to prevent black women from getting.

Here it is plainly again, ‘Others don’t care about the black woman's plight, and want to maintain a situation where the wider community continues to not care or overlook black women's situation.' So stop crying and spilling your guts in public forums. Many of the other factions are pretending to be listening and in ‘honest discussion’ with you but they are enjoying seeing you upset and sad and of course working yourself into a froth trying to explain how it is, so they can show you just how little they care, and yet black women persist with the ‘explaining’, thinking 'they will get it!

No you the black women needs to 'get it' that they have no intention of ‘getting it.’

I know some black women think that they can 'let it all hang out' like other women, and that they should be free to. Well you are free to no doubt but you will pay a price so high for that.

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

A few Thoughts to mull over (Update)

Its shapping up to be a very busy summer and I might be taking extended breaks however before all that I have a few thoughts to share

Asian Man's Perspective of how BW continue to not get it!


A well known Misogynist being touted as the latest 'black love guru'
In the UK, there is a new black love guru who is helping black women find that elusive black man. He will remain nameless, but I remember once being in a meeting where he was in attendance and where he stood up to make a statement that was very revealing of the 'deep well', of disdain he has for the client group he is selling to, and that is black women.

He said something to the effect of, 'Black women used to play hard to get and make black men work and now they were being paid back in their own coin.' He was cut off before he could round off his point but this was essentially what he said! I recently opened up a black publication to see him touted as the next black John Gray. Once again I was reminded how it is that black women have lost the ability to discern, and pick up when there is malicious intent being directed towards them because they filter eveything through, 'black people/man can only come from a positive place' lets recieve/embrace/open ourselves to whatever he has.

Anyway there was something else that stood out to me from his statement. I realize that black men are using their now strong bargaining position re black women to renegotiate all the long laid down dynamics and norms that have stabilized society over thousands of years.

Indeed most societies have taken great pains in ensuring that men pursue their activities in ways that largely lends to the advancement of their communities (anything from manhood rites to virginity in women can be seen to link into preserving family structure). Here we have a situation however where a group of men are now in a position to be able to say, 'We no longer want to follow these constraints but operate 'runaway manhood' i.e manhood at their total discretion, and they are able to successfully have their way to the extent that they are offering very little to the women and the community they lean so much on .

His whole statement stayed with me and stayed in that 'filed to mull over' place because i felt it was revealing of something deep in terms of a shift in attitudes. Indeed, it is normal in every culture I know of, for men to chase women, and for men to win over women and for women, to make men work for their affection or play hard to get in other words. But here was this 'Love Guru' trying to make black women feel guilty for what is a normal practice. But this isnt an isolated case, as I too have had the experience of being chided for not declaring a full and utter attraction to a certain black man in the past.

The thing here however is that when black women accept the renegotiated terms, it ends up messing up the dynamics between the black genders so bad that even these men become 'unsatisfied' with the resulting situation, making it a no win situation for black women who decide to 'adjust' to the demands.

Very few men cherish and maintain an interest in women that drop into their laps even as they readily take up all and every easy option presented. Usually, watchful elders, who can see more long term, advice the women against catering to men in this potentially disasterous way, but because in the black community, black men are viewed as 'not liable to respond as men would generally do' (even as they continue to clearly do just that) but would respond to the situation as 'brothas' would (read: benevolently), black elders are likely to be the ones championing the idea of black women 'adjusting' to the demands!

The messed up dynamics that currently exists in the black dating arena is one key reason why BWE/IR writers urge black women to seriously prospect beyond the black dating sector.

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

What was on the coffee table

Message to black women:
Never elevate black men above your own self-worth. Do not 'love' or esteem the black man to the extent they are over your self worth or hold your self worth as 'nothing' for the sake of black men and being of service to them or to race. I am saying this because I have come to the understanding that a good many things black women are told to do for black men or to do to be with them or to keep them etc are 'self worth' sacrificing things.

When asked to do something, for black man, around the black man’s situation, or even for the community (which often works out to be something for the black man), ask yourself, ‘Where is my self worth in all this?’

If you find your self-worth and your very dignity will be lying in tatters on the floor, refuse to participate.

An example of where black men are being elevated over your dignity and self-worth is, when told to (go as far as to) look for black men in strip clubs (black men are so important over and above your self-respect as a woman), another example is when asked to give criminals and low lifes a chance because they are black men (esteeming black men above safety and sanity of the black woman), or when asked to swoop down to deal with a man below your level.


What was on the coffee table?
I went to a relations house over last weekend. She had a copy of Essence (aka messence) magazine on the coffee table, the one with Jill Scott’s face on the cover.

I almost didn’t pick it up because of the whole ‘wincing’ issue, however there was a moment of inactivity and I picked it up to read the interesting fashion bits, and then glanced at Jill Scott’s interview.

I am not going to go into details of what I read, but a couple of things really struck me:

One was how black women who should know better, even black women who you think have some intelligence, invest full trust in black men even when the signs are very clear that they should exercise caution.

Apparently Jill Scott (now a single parent and a reluctant one as she claims) had a baby with a man with three kids from three different women, yet Jill Scott was happy to ‘trust’ that this man would come through for her so much so she didn’t secure the arrangements of her pregnancy and is claiming his betrayal came out of the blues! Incredible!

It’s amazing that everything that should teach black women to be extra wary with a black men is right in front of their eyes yet they still want to ‘trust a brotha’. It sounds to me like being scammed by a black man is a valued ‘battle scar’ for some black women. They might hope not to get this scar but when they do, they can proudly show it off as a testament to the fact that they ‘took one for their black race’. I strongly believe that these black women know they will be disappointed despite all the feigning of surprise that it didn’t work out. They feel, ‘let me just roll the dice, perhaps I will come out the odd exception.’

This is the sentiment I get when I read these ‘oh I trusted him but he messed me about’ stories, I feel that these women really know deep down what the deal is and decide to ‘sign up’ for it on the off chance it would work out for them but knowing that they are likely be left to go it alone and somehow being at peace with this outcome. It shows how low black women’s expectations have fallen with regards being able to have a marriage and a family in that order.

Anyone could have predicted that Jill would end up a single mum, all the signs where there, particularly the sign of a man with three kids from three different women, but Jill was ‘surprised’, by it all and how it was all such a 'curve ball'. This is the same pattern of perpetual surprise that Evia talks about. Black women are constantly surprised by things that were looming and so apparent that you can smell them! Ultimately this is all aligned with the magical thinking mode which seems to dominate the perception of many black women.

We can be sure that these women take pride in struggling alone and making the best out of their situation, instead of wanting so much more out of life, instead of refusing to deal with bad odds at all, but going for a more ‘promising scenario,’ they continue to deal in ones with so many riddles and doubts and likelihood of failure, as in this case of a man who has a bad track record. Its clear these women actually set themselves up for single parenthood meaning that on some level they have accepted that the fate of all those women around them is the one they will inherit and guess what? Both black men and black women know the score and they dance accordingly even while pretending that they will play it differently in their case.

I say this because this man bought a ring (according to Jill) and gave this ring to Jill on stage or in some very public situation. Never the less she went ahead to fall pregnant when the relationships was still full of uncertainty and nothing but promises (from a man with a worrying track record), and indeed knowing his track record, she should have insisted on a more secure situation. Let’s face it, she wanted to have a baby and was open to having it however the situation played out which is her choice however she is really tripping trying to sell us a story of ‘it came out of the blues, I really thought it would work out.’

She counts among her friends who ‘strengthened her’ in her trials, Monique and Erykah Badu. Lol! The cabal of low expectation for black women including open relationships, children by 100 different men, etc etc some of the things ‘strong’ black women do for their race and for which they should be ‘proud’ and hailed for.

One thing I was reminded of again in reading Essence after a long time, is how the writing is so designed to sell suffering and dysfunction as a nobel and transceding choice that the black woman takes on for their race! Its like mood lighting that takes you to an altered state, a place where a ugly thing takes on an appeal and 'foolishness' is somehow an elevated choice! Its so weird that I who know better was for that moment 'following along' with the reasoning of Jill Scott. Like I was saying, 'Ok I see how that could have happened or how she could have decided on that choice.' The dumb choices were somehow making sense! When I dropped the magazine a while later I came back to my normal frame within which I exclaimed, 'that was just sooo idiotic and so dumb!'

These magazines are so conditioning, its no wonder black women who are into these kinds of mags think along peculiar lines. Scary stuff!

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

6 Ways BWE differ from other black women centred work

1) BWE (Black Women Empowerment) writers do not see black women as ‘bound to operate only within the boundaries of 'black community’ in terms of their social range and in terms of meeting their social needs. The locating of the black woman as 'an entity of and for the black community', and the subsequent analysis generated as a result of this view, has been a problematic characteristic of many older style black feminism efforts.
Positioning blck women as black community bound, might have been necessary in times past but in the now, it produces the feeling of being trapped, of anxiety and feelings of lack, in black women, as they survey their lot and realize that their depleted pastures mean that they have to engage in intense competition with other black women etc, if they are ever to have their needs met.

BWE/IR open up a world of opportunity and possibility to women and refute the idea that black women are morally bound to situate themselves only in black community, eking out whatever existence they are afforded within these boundaries. In addition, BWE are all about unyoking black women from ‘servitude to race’ as a way of life. A good portion of BWE writing is geared towards extricating black women from a felt yet unreciprocated obligation towards black men, and a believed dependence on black men for self actualization.

2) Most BWE/IR bloggers believe that black women deserve to engage the current system and its rules in a way that ensures they achieve their life's ambitions. This is as as opposed to waiting till some progressive era sets in or waiting for the change to happen in the overarching conditions in society. ‘Wait till XYZ situation is achieved before you attempt to live well’, continues to be the underlying injunction issued to black women through other channels including older black female centered work. But patriarchy isnt going anywhere soon and black women must and deserve to find a way to navigate the now and live the most fulfilled life that they can under the current conditions.

Many of the black female centred work before current BWE/IR, has focussed on diagnosing the problems and the challenges faced by black women but have gone no further neither urged black women to take on the system and win, nor produced some suggested winning strategies for the current situation  (probably because of the underlying feeling that it would be 'immoral' for black women to participate and dabble into the current set up and immoral oppressive system of which they should want no part!). BWE/IR recognize that black women have one life to live and can only do it in the now and thus a good portion of BWE/IR will focus on how black women can strategize to win under current conditions.

It has always been problematic that black women have been happy to just point out their situation engage in some resistance but not be energetic in trying to ensure they don’t continue to be victims of the system by strategically navigating it to ensure their social needs are met and met despite the devices of the system. Much of older black female ‘progressive’ work tends to take the route of delineating the situation and then ‘appealing’ for allies, to government for intervention or for wider consideration, without the understanding that other factions are often not willing to give up the few privileges they are afforded by the system or by being priviledged to black women.

However it is more worrying that black female centred work has remained one that simply talks about the situation with little focus on communicating a need for black women to be tactical and to go forth tactically in their own social game plan. BWE/IR have solutions rather than just analysis, and continued to focus on getting black women to put together their winning strategy which will see them succeed despite the set up against them. BWE/IR writers tell black women, ‘Don’t forget to live!’

3) BWE/IR emphasize the seriousness of the oppression black women face ‘within community’, and this is made the key focus as opposed to a side issue. This is in clear contrast to other black female centred work where the operating assumption is that the black community provides security and succour, and any oppression worth noting comes from outside the black community.

Often previous black women centred work is only happy to acknowledge intraracial violence and oppression against black women, when it is made a function of wider social oppression. Many BWE/IR actually state that black women face more immediate danger and damage from the internal community and hence preach a need for divestment even strongly suggest that black women consider as urgent, integration into the wider society as a way of  achieving a measure of safety, sanity and even some stability. This marks one clear departure of BWE/IR from former efforts that rely on the predictive theory that blacks would naturally supply safety, acceptance and support to each other, while white structures would only be oppressive.

4) In continuation of the above point, BWE/IR work admit ‘witnessing’ from black women as a valid analytical tool. It collects evidence of black women's felt and vocalized experience to provide a clearer picture of the situation for black women (a type of reconnaissance of bw situation). This is about black women exchanging insight and joining the dots on their situation, the kind that has ultimately revealed that the popular and common frames of examining what is going on for black women actually fail black women and obscure, a huge portion of the situation as it stands for them. Often black women’s testimonies of suffering the likes of 'colorism', black racism, racio-misogyny etc are discounted or made of little consequence because they do not mesh with acceptable discourses of whites being the cause of all oppression. BWE/IR admit the testimonies of black women to give an accurate picture of the de facto situation as opposed to discussions mired only in what theory would predict for black women.

5) A good number of BWE/IR writers think the idea of saving the black group as a whole is unrealistic, this is in part due to their recognizing that the necessary factors for this to be possibile in particular, the full commitment of black men to the project, remains missing. BWE/IR recognize the reality, that there is a deadweight of black men who will not participate in their salvation but will indeed sabotage any forward movement because the current status quo provides them with a measure of benefits and privileges compared to black women and this is prefarrable to the hard graft, discipline and principled living that would be necessary to build a thriving black community. Until such a time as indications change ,black women are urged by BWE to worry about themselves and their individual aspirations and life goals. Many black people and black feminsists however believe black women should continue to labour on behalf of 'race'.

6) BWE work has done a lot to reveal the deep hostility and dislike that black men bear towards black women (BWE see black men acting as direct 'conduits' for the wider racism and deliberately drawing down and focussing this unto black women, causing untold harm and damage), and the fact that black men have positioned black women as their rivals for white patronage.

They make this a key part of the discussions on why black women need to rethink certain notions about their brothers in the struggle etc and about working with black men and where they can find a measure of safety and acceptance, and also why it is necessary to rethink other self-placed restrictions that in light of the emerging realities are ill advised.

The whole idea of black men serving as oppressive instruments has been one which many black women writers have long since been uncomfortable highlighting and an issue they have been hesitatnt to rightly ‘position’ and give appropriate ‘weight’ to, hence something that black women have continually overlooked or been discouraged from firmly organizing against.

BWE/IR hold that black male hostility to black women has become too acute to remain a non-issue or to be placed as a secondary issue to others. BWE notice that black male reactions are self-serving in nature and self-generating, and that we can quite rightly ‘detached’ black male oppressiveness from the excuse of it being because black men are victims of white social oppression. BWE hold that black male racism is a central discussion and represents the dissolution of any unity and cooperation pact between black genders. The fact that black men are now 'gunning' for black women and directing their anger at them (especially in the face of the fact that black women continue see black men as their brothers in the fight against white oppression and respond to them accordingly), means this is a safety issue for black women to disconnect from black men and any notion of 'joint partnership' and indeed highlights that a whole new approach is necessary for black women for the sake of self-preservation and survival.

BWE are involved in retheorizing and reworking the analysis and models presented by those who are external to black womanhood. Such analysis and theories are often seen as of 'universal application' and being standard analysis. BWE are involved in reworking these ideas and frames with the black woman in mind and with the black woman in central focus, in order to safeguard black women's rights of life and their aspirations.

To summarize

BWE have essentially ‘reclassified’ black males and do not automatically assume them as allies and brothers (uncoupling our working assumptions). They note that a critical mass of them have become ‘effective agents’ of white racism and sexism against black women for it to continue to be sensible to assume they are brothers.

The work of BWE writers is solution-focussed and is moored in practicality, in the notion that black women have to find practical solutions in how to live effectively in the now and not merely delineate and discuss.

What BWE continue to emphasize is that black women have a right to do what is expedient, indeed to get on living in the now, grapple and win in the 'now' however imperfect the conditions are. Black women have a right to find away to get their needs secured and met with today’s opportunities. Life is not a dress rehearsal which will be repeated later, neither do black women have ‘nine lives’ to be able to forgo few in the hope of living fully down the line. So black women strategizing for living in the now is a key plank of BWE work.

It is indeed important that black women 'square the circle' to in addition to analysing the situation for what it is detail strategies for overcoming and winning despite the overall situation.

Gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book


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