Thanks to those who emailed to find out if I was alright during the recent London riots that of course spread to other areas of the country.
You all saw the shocking images. It was undeniable that a majority of rioters were black, in fact what many will not realize is that most of the areas that the riots erupted where predominately black areas.
The TV historian David Starkey came under fire for his recent comments saying that there is an element of black culture poisoning British youth making them nihilistic and lack and investment in their societies leading to such and other outbreaks of violence. See controversy
Of course he could have expressed himself more clearly (ofI believe his emotions were running high because of all the destruction and devastation that had happened), but I am not going to crucify him for bravely coming out with the perspective that we need to look into seriously, especially in light of these recent events, and that is evaluating the culture being adopted by black youth that makes them fail at making a go at modern society.
Funny enough many of the black folk here are saying something similar to Mr Starkey, but since the public debate space is dominated by ‘left’ notions of valid argument/speech and because black folk are not expected to partake in social discourse as adults (taking some blame as adults are happy to do), but only as indulged children and excused wards of the state, this will of course be totally ignored and made out to be a white racist perspective only!
Let me make this plain.
Black people are not meeting the challenge of 21st century western societies. Black men are downright failing but black women are not to far behind in not meeting the challenges as well, clearly observable in their clinging to outdated, unbeneficial and downright self defeating ways of being.
So why the riots?
Well for one, the black sectors of society have refused to grow up politically and otherwise but are interested only in being on the receiver end of a giver-taker relationship that seems to be the endorsed dynamic for black and white by the left leaning political faction.
Sure a man was shot by police but aside from calling for a independent investigation and waiting for that report and then challenging it or essentially taking it from there, I wonder what else could have been done. Even the so called peaceful protest staged by the community for the death of a young black man (protests which were eventually hijacked by the criminal elements intent on getting in their early Christmas shopping), was all very strange, given that there had been no official report out about what happened with the police and the shooting of the black man Mark Duggan to form the basis of a protest. Unless we were saying of course that under no circumstance should a black man be shot I mean even if he himself was armed etc.
No one knows if he was shot by police unlawfully or not so why the ’peaceful’ demonstration. Indeed he could have been unlawfully killed and the family would have been justified in any protest or campaign but nothing official had been released at the time of the peaceful process. A number of white men have been shot in the past three to four years under strange circumstances and I am yet to see ‘peaceful’ demonstrations esepcially before any official/independent report is released. I recall there was a huge demostration when a South American man was shot during the time of the London bombings but that was when it was made clear (almost immediately) that he was not a terrorist carrying a bomb (he was fleeing the police and ran straight into the station and unto a train!).
I am owed coupled by I am victim, coupled by a disconnect from wider social values, social systems especially due to family break down etc is a very dangerous mix. We have seen where it can lead to in the last couple of days!
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Monday, August 15, 2011
Monday, August 08, 2011
My Advice to black women who want to get their lives on track and fast!
This is for black woman who have somewhere to go and want to get there quickly. Indeed, many black women want to get somewhere but they have all the time in the world! If you have however realized that there are deadlines in life and you don’t have time to waste, I have a few suggestions:
Keep away from all forms of unproductive debates and discussions
Black people as a rule want to have a bunch of unproductive, ‘going nowhere’ discussions. Even when they raise critical questions and debates and say 'come let us talk’, its almost as if they have decided from the outset that they are just going to keep discussions on a superficial level and are not going to do or say anything that will ‘change things’ to any extent or change the status quo. That’s all its going to be; a discussion.
Black folk discuss to appear to be engaged in productive social change like other groups that they see around who are going somewhere. If you engage in discussions that are going nowhere because you can see very well nothing can be enforced or black woman don’t have the leverage to force change on the situation (and it will again all boil down to black women once again carrying the full load and respeonsbility), then you are wasting time and energy best used to build your individual future (which you have a limited time to achieve anyway and especially in these desperate times!).
You are no longer part of rank and file black people
You are now in a different category to most of the other black people around you, in terms of priorities, preoccupations and direction in fact in your mentality and outlook. Many want to blame outside forces or play victims or refuse to make effort for their own elevation, you on the other hand are different. Embrace this reality and stop feeling guilty about separating from and charting a different course to other blacks.
Wave good bye to your friends and what have you and get serious with pursuing your destiny. There are all types of guilt trips used to keep bw back from running after their destiny; ‘you think you are different from us, you want to be white, you will always be seen as black’ etc etc and black women respond by getting back into the black formation.
Stop stewing in anger and bitterness
Bitterness slows you up in many ways including slows your creativity and it also closes doors because it is something that is so hard to hide. For some black women there is a latent demon that gets triggered and when it does, it seems those black women cant even control it! Its almost as if they are standing back and watching the demon kick scream and foam (like an epileptic fit that takes over). These women become vicious, insistent on enforcing their view on others, spearing people left right and centre!
Many black women have a stony heart that refuses to take advice and guidance but are belligerent, arrogant and insistent on their way. Hurt and bitterness can make people spurn that which would be to their benefit! You don’t need to take anyone’s advice but think about why you are rejecting it. If you know an advice has the ring of truth or you know that the advisor is just telling you the real deal, ask yourself why you feel resistant and upset at taking the advice. Again mature and emotionally evolved people know that they don’t have to like the advice or the advice giver to receive the instruction being communicated. Pride and arrogance should never come in the way of doing what is necessary and called for, with regards your situation!
Let me tell you all something you may of may not realize; to be nice is a deliberate act. You determine to be a nice, calm, amiable person and gracious to others and very often at that, there is a disconnect between how you feel and how you act. You know an evolved professional person by how they can separate what they are feeling inside from how they are acting. After a while of emotion control and not acting ugly because you feel that way or the demon has kicked in (ie you control it) then you will find it increasingly easier to be a nice, calm person. Remember, some black women don’t care if they appear in negative light, they are essentially saying ‘to hell’ to life, personal advancement etc, because they are bitter.
Count your blessings daily
I seriously suggest you have a little book of blessings where you note down the things you are happy and grateful for. Read it every other day if not every day. People who are grateful live much happier lives indeed it is the saddest thing that some people have so much but they cant see it and therefore don’t enjoy all the good they have! I know personally a woman who has an adoring husband and three wonderful children but you wouldn’t know it from the way she acts, and this woman is always upset with another woman who is a happy person even though this happy woman on the face of it has less than she does. Indeed it is a strange thing in life that if you are happy, people who might have more than you, think you have something hidden that beats what they have!
When you are a minority or in a minority position you need to generate effort, to take you out of a loosing dynamic or diminished situations
Stop saying it is unfair that you have to do something when others don’t, that’s foolishness. Sure it is unfair but so what, who are you going to sue about life’s unfairness? Folks on the political left will continue to harp on about how life should be fair and many seem to be communicating the notion of black people waiting somehow for a change in the whole structure. Intelligent folk on the other hand know they have to do what they have to do!
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Keep away from all forms of unproductive debates and discussions
Black people as a rule want to have a bunch of unproductive, ‘going nowhere’ discussions. Even when they raise critical questions and debates and say 'come let us talk’, its almost as if they have decided from the outset that they are just going to keep discussions on a superficial level and are not going to do or say anything that will ‘change things’ to any extent or change the status quo. That’s all its going to be; a discussion.
Black folk discuss to appear to be engaged in productive social change like other groups that they see around who are going somewhere. If you engage in discussions that are going nowhere because you can see very well nothing can be enforced or black woman don’t have the leverage to force change on the situation (and it will again all boil down to black women once again carrying the full load and respeonsbility), then you are wasting time and energy best used to build your individual future (which you have a limited time to achieve anyway and especially in these desperate times!).
You are no longer part of rank and file black people
You are now in a different category to most of the other black people around you, in terms of priorities, preoccupations and direction in fact in your mentality and outlook. Many want to blame outside forces or play victims or refuse to make effort for their own elevation, you on the other hand are different. Embrace this reality and stop feeling guilty about separating from and charting a different course to other blacks.
Wave good bye to your friends and what have you and get serious with pursuing your destiny. There are all types of guilt trips used to keep bw back from running after their destiny; ‘you think you are different from us, you want to be white, you will always be seen as black’ etc etc and black women respond by getting back into the black formation.
Stop stewing in anger and bitterness
Bitterness slows you up in many ways including slows your creativity and it also closes doors because it is something that is so hard to hide. For some black women there is a latent demon that gets triggered and when it does, it seems those black women cant even control it! Its almost as if they are standing back and watching the demon kick scream and foam (like an epileptic fit that takes over). These women become vicious, insistent on enforcing their view on others, spearing people left right and centre!
Many black women have a stony heart that refuses to take advice and guidance but are belligerent, arrogant and insistent on their way. Hurt and bitterness can make people spurn that which would be to their benefit! You don’t need to take anyone’s advice but think about why you are rejecting it. If you know an advice has the ring of truth or you know that the advisor is just telling you the real deal, ask yourself why you feel resistant and upset at taking the advice. Again mature and emotionally evolved people know that they don’t have to like the advice or the advice giver to receive the instruction being communicated. Pride and arrogance should never come in the way of doing what is necessary and called for, with regards your situation!
Let me tell you all something you may of may not realize; to be nice is a deliberate act. You determine to be a nice, calm, amiable person and gracious to others and very often at that, there is a disconnect between how you feel and how you act. You know an evolved professional person by how they can separate what they are feeling inside from how they are acting. After a while of emotion control and not acting ugly because you feel that way or the demon has kicked in (ie you control it) then you will find it increasingly easier to be a nice, calm person. Remember, some black women don’t care if they appear in negative light, they are essentially saying ‘to hell’ to life, personal advancement etc, because they are bitter.
Count your blessings daily
I seriously suggest you have a little book of blessings where you note down the things you are happy and grateful for. Read it every other day if not every day. People who are grateful live much happier lives indeed it is the saddest thing that some people have so much but they cant see it and therefore don’t enjoy all the good they have! I know personally a woman who has an adoring husband and three wonderful children but you wouldn’t know it from the way she acts, and this woman is always upset with another woman who is a happy person even though this happy woman on the face of it has less than she does. Indeed it is a strange thing in life that if you are happy, people who might have more than you, think you have something hidden that beats what they have!
When you are a minority or in a minority position you need to generate effort, to take you out of a loosing dynamic or diminished situations
Stop saying it is unfair that you have to do something when others don’t, that’s foolishness. Sure it is unfair but so what, who are you going to sue about life’s unfairness? Folks on the political left will continue to harp on about how life should be fair and many seem to be communicating the notion of black people waiting somehow for a change in the whole structure. Intelligent folk on the other hand know they have to do what they have to do!
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Be Like a bird
Just to put this out there first:
Does anyone have experince of living and working in OZ.
If you are a black woman; American, UK etc woman who has experienced, lived in or relocated to Australia I have a young black woman who would like to get in touch to get some information. She has been inspired by our BWE forums (which she has read since 16 years and she is now in her early 20's) to make the world her oyster. Please send me an email if you have any info (see my details at side bar or below)
New BWE discussion forum:
A black woman on our BWE network has created a network/meeting ground for forward-thinking BW and their admirers. The link is: http://blackwomenlivingwell.prophpbb.com/
My last post and the responses to Prof N and AHA
Let me say that I am taking some time to digest the responses that I got in relation to the image I used in my last posts. Some folks had all sorts of ideas and went into all sorts of tangents about the use of Prof N image because 'his romatic situation with AHA wasnt ideal'. There is so much to unpack about how that discussion in my previous post went down because I feel there is something deeper at play that makes many bw react the way they do. Jamila has also written a post on the topic, go to Double standard? to discuss and leave comments. It should be a good debate.
Post continues
I wrote this post at the beginning of the year but there seemed something that was 'missing' so I let it sit for a while.
My question to you is, what do BWE empower black women for anyway? I ask this because it is easy to bandy about the term empowernment or empowering black women. It has indeed got to a point where empowernment has lost its meaning. Many of us can see that many of those places that claim to 'empower' or be for empowernment of black women leave a strong sense of being anything but! They may say it but the the advice offered suggests they have a very strange definition of what it means to 'empower black women'.
In my humble opinion, BWE is about enabling black women access the best possible life they can here and now. Write that down.
Yes the best possible life is an individually defined thing, however we can analyse ‘happiness’ and contentment along the same general lines we can for others (so don’t let anyone convince you that black women are such different and exceptional species that they don’t want or require love, marriage, commitment, support, money etc the way others do, it is a trick!)
BWE are convinced that bw can have a good and fulfilled life in the now no matter what obstacles and hindrances there are out there in general society for bw. This is why BWE has a clear focus on getting the skills, getting the knowledge, getting equipped and strategically positioning and manoeuvring oneself to ‘attain.’ We even talk about getting ‘lean’ for the journey.
Other formats of activism work for bw put a great emphasis on black women confronting and wrestling with a great many oppressive and unjust forces, one after the other, for themselves and for everyone else in order to transform the society. Black women who follow this path are pummelled and drained and these activities hardly leave time and space for bw to focus on adapting in order to achieve something for themselves from the current set up, indeed the notion of bw adapting to achieve does not sit well within the general perspective of ‘fighting the powers.’ This is why many black women are in a state of constant confrontation and battling of the powers, with the attendant anger towards the world and an attitude of bitterness pervading their lives.
Indeed BWE preach balance and that bw should take time to live in the society even as they do their bit to oppose injustice whereas under other activist and empowerment traditions fighting injustice and reshaping the world is their main duty. Its about time black women lived a little!
Be like a Bird
If there is one illustration that captures what black women should be about I believe it is one of a bird on a nest. Now I would recommend that you find an image similar to the one below and put it up somewhere were you will see it frequently, on a fridge door for instance etc.
The reason why I advice this is because it will become a powerful symbol of what you are going to be all about from now on; building your nest. I believe we all need to be about building a nest. Black women build your nest with care and focus!
I don’t think that many of us realize this but we are all essentially building our nests; our futures if you like. If you build with purpose always in mind that whatever you are about now, whatever you are engaged in is going towards what your ‘nest’ will finally look like, you will become more effective and efficient and this knowledge will prevent you from wasting time on things that are not important and don’t build in to your nest goals.
Consider a bird building a nest
Another reason why I think the bird-nest analogy is important is that it will help bw zone in on what is important and the items and ingredients necessary for their future.
Consider a bird gathering twigs for its nest. It knows what size the nest should be and how strong etc and so armed with this vision it goes looking for the right twigs to give it its desired nest! When it chooses a twig it tests it against the ’required’ characteristics of the nest. It rejects those that don’t give it what it will need (e.g. weak twigs, twigs that are too small). It looks for the desired length and cross section as it flies from branch to branch in search of the right material. So much engineering, thought and plan -with an end result in mind-goes into the project of nest building.
See when you have a strong vision about what you will require for the future, it acts as a natural sieve, a natural filter against things that are just not going to contribute to your broad goals. You take A but leave B, you acquire D but leave C on the shelf. Many of you are wasting such precious time and getting distracted by this and the other. If you had a clear vision of type of ‘nest’ you want to build and even before that, recognize that you are and we all are building some form of nest whether we are aware or not, then you are more likely to streamline your activities and save precious time!
At what point do you want to occupy your nest (I am talking time frame here)?
If you know what you are building and what you want to build, you will collect the right material and filter out the wrong. Some of us are all up on every website, every blog, every church etc etc just acquiring all sorts of ideas, approaches etc that we are essentially confused about what to use, even what direction to take next. An effective approach to life (what path to follow), can simply be achieved through understanding what the end goal is.
Everything and anything can sound sensible and relevant unless your nest specifications winnow out what isn’t relevant for what you are aiming to build.
For a good example I believe in the fight against inequality and racism etc however I wont bog myself down with sister soldiering for the race. There are dozens reasons why I wont however of key mention is that I have to live and make the best of life now and in addition I am at a time of life when I require absolute focus on my personal goals and not be involved in dissipating my energies here and there. So while the talk of ‘fighting white hegemony’ and all that can resonate with me on a level I don’t sign up for battle duties or throw myself into such activities except when there is a specific and strategic opportunity for doing so. I don’t do it as a way of life it doesn’t pay.
What about nest adjustments to your vision?
Even if at some point you think there is a need to restructure or reshape some aspect of your nest (because we all don’t know it all from the beginning), at least your initial vision gives you a basic structure to depart from or to tinker with.
Think about your nest (the general life you want for yourself which includes social, financial etc conditions you want to be enjoying in your life), then work back from there and come into the future, understanding what you need to be about, what you need to be doing and acquiring to live that future life.
Work from a vision, work from a plan and have a time frame.
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Does anyone have experince of living and working in OZ.
If you are a black woman; American, UK etc woman who has experienced, lived in or relocated to Australia I have a young black woman who would like to get in touch to get some information. She has been inspired by our BWE forums (which she has read since 16 years and she is now in her early 20's) to make the world her oyster. Please send me an email if you have any info (see my details at side bar or below)
New BWE discussion forum:
A black woman on our BWE network has created a network/meeting ground for forward-thinking BW and their admirers. The link is: http://blackwomenlivingwell.prophpbb.com/
My last post and the responses to Prof N and AHA
Let me say that I am taking some time to digest the responses that I got in relation to the image I used in my last posts. Some folks had all sorts of ideas and went into all sorts of tangents about the use of Prof N image because 'his romatic situation with AHA wasnt ideal'. There is so much to unpack about how that discussion in my previous post went down because I feel there is something deeper at play that makes many bw react the way they do. Jamila has also written a post on the topic, go to Double standard? to discuss and leave comments. It should be a good debate.
Post continues
I wrote this post at the beginning of the year but there seemed something that was 'missing' so I let it sit for a while.
My question to you is, what do BWE empower black women for anyway? I ask this because it is easy to bandy about the term empowernment or empowering black women. It has indeed got to a point where empowernment has lost its meaning. Many of us can see that many of those places that claim to 'empower' or be for empowernment of black women leave a strong sense of being anything but! They may say it but the the advice offered suggests they have a very strange definition of what it means to 'empower black women'.
In my humble opinion, BWE is about enabling black women access the best possible life they can here and now. Write that down.
Yes the best possible life is an individually defined thing, however we can analyse ‘happiness’ and contentment along the same general lines we can for others (so don’t let anyone convince you that black women are such different and exceptional species that they don’t want or require love, marriage, commitment, support, money etc the way others do, it is a trick!)
BWE are convinced that bw can have a good and fulfilled life in the now no matter what obstacles and hindrances there are out there in general society for bw. This is why BWE has a clear focus on getting the skills, getting the knowledge, getting equipped and strategically positioning and manoeuvring oneself to ‘attain.’ We even talk about getting ‘lean’ for the journey.
Other formats of activism work for bw put a great emphasis on black women confronting and wrestling with a great many oppressive and unjust forces, one after the other, for themselves and for everyone else in order to transform the society. Black women who follow this path are pummelled and drained and these activities hardly leave time and space for bw to focus on adapting in order to achieve something for themselves from the current set up, indeed the notion of bw adapting to achieve does not sit well within the general perspective of ‘fighting the powers.’ This is why many black women are in a state of constant confrontation and battling of the powers, with the attendant anger towards the world and an attitude of bitterness pervading their lives.
Indeed BWE preach balance and that bw should take time to live in the society even as they do their bit to oppose injustice whereas under other activist and empowerment traditions fighting injustice and reshaping the world is their main duty. Its about time black women lived a little!
Be like a Bird
If there is one illustration that captures what black women should be about I believe it is one of a bird on a nest. Now I would recommend that you find an image similar to the one below and put it up somewhere were you will see it frequently, on a fridge door for instance etc.
The reason why I advice this is because it will become a powerful symbol of what you are going to be all about from now on; building your nest. I believe we all need to be about building a nest. Black women build your nest with care and focus!
I don’t think that many of us realize this but we are all essentially building our nests; our futures if you like. If you build with purpose always in mind that whatever you are about now, whatever you are engaged in is going towards what your ‘nest’ will finally look like, you will become more effective and efficient and this knowledge will prevent you from wasting time on things that are not important and don’t build in to your nest goals.
Consider a bird building a nest
Another reason why I think the bird-nest analogy is important is that it will help bw zone in on what is important and the items and ingredients necessary for their future.
Consider a bird gathering twigs for its nest. It knows what size the nest should be and how strong etc and so armed with this vision it goes looking for the right twigs to give it its desired nest! When it chooses a twig it tests it against the ’required’ characteristics of the nest. It rejects those that don’t give it what it will need (e.g. weak twigs, twigs that are too small). It looks for the desired length and cross section as it flies from branch to branch in search of the right material. So much engineering, thought and plan -with an end result in mind-goes into the project of nest building.
See when you have a strong vision about what you will require for the future, it acts as a natural sieve, a natural filter against things that are just not going to contribute to your broad goals. You take A but leave B, you acquire D but leave C on the shelf. Many of you are wasting such precious time and getting distracted by this and the other. If you had a clear vision of type of ‘nest’ you want to build and even before that, recognize that you are and we all are building some form of nest whether we are aware or not, then you are more likely to streamline your activities and save precious time!
At what point do you want to occupy your nest (I am talking time frame here)?
If you know what you are building and what you want to build, you will collect the right material and filter out the wrong. Some of us are all up on every website, every blog, every church etc etc just acquiring all sorts of ideas, approaches etc that we are essentially confused about what to use, even what direction to take next. An effective approach to life (what path to follow), can simply be achieved through understanding what the end goal is.
Everything and anything can sound sensible and relevant unless your nest specifications winnow out what isn’t relevant for what you are aiming to build.
For a good example I believe in the fight against inequality and racism etc however I wont bog myself down with sister soldiering for the race. There are dozens reasons why I wont however of key mention is that I have to live and make the best of life now and in addition I am at a time of life when I require absolute focus on my personal goals and not be involved in dissipating my energies here and there. So while the talk of ‘fighting white hegemony’ and all that can resonate with me on a level I don’t sign up for battle duties or throw myself into such activities except when there is a specific and strategic opportunity for doing so. I don’t do it as a way of life it doesn’t pay.
What about nest adjustments to your vision?
Even if at some point you think there is a need to restructure or reshape some aspect of your nest (because we all don’t know it all from the beginning), at least your initial vision gives you a basic structure to depart from or to tinker with.
Think about your nest (the general life you want for yourself which includes social, financial etc conditions you want to be enjoying in your life), then work back from there and come into the future, understanding what you need to be about, what you need to be doing and acquiring to live that future life.
Work from a vision, work from a plan and have a time frame.
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Friday, July 15, 2011
Dear Halima
Dear Halimah
I want to first say that I totally ‘get’ what BWE is saying in terms of black women putting themselves first and taking care of their needs, however I don’t think that we need to give up on the community as a whole (and even a desire to make it work with black men because that’s how we have a community in the first place right?).
Black men and women will have to join hands to do what is best for our community at some point or both of us will suffer the consequences even greater than today. I think black women’s lives will be poorer if they don’t at least try their utmost to restore the community. Black women can make it in white society but they will always be limited
Thank you for this email.
Over the last six years we have talked about a few issues on this blog and have in essence begun to repeat ourselves. This email affords the opportunity to speak specifically about this issue of black men and women in partnership over the race.
As I have said before, 'Black women caanot save the race/community (as we currently know it) all by themselves, both genders will have to be equally onboard' (lets keep aside for now the question of why black women would want to save a community in its current anti-black woman set up and formulation and assume that what we mean here is the positive bits of the black community).
In your email you seem to be suggesting that black men are there for black women to join hands with over the fate of the race. Is this true however?
Let me now state a basic assumption upon which I will tackle this question.
‘Men will always do what is best for them on an individual level’ (a high level of selfishness in their actions)
On the above you can be sure. And thus based on the above it is clear that:
Black men will only do what is ‘good for the community’, when this ‘good’ coincides with their personal benefit.
The next layers to this logical argument of mine is that:
‘Since what it will take to restore the community, requires selflessness and sacrifice (even a fool can compute this), you are not going to get a ‘buy in’ from a critical number of black men towards the black uplift effort that is, not in numbers that will make a difference!
Now somewhere out there I hear someone ask, ‘So how do other men do it then, if it is all about their selfish personal interests and they don’t give a damn about ‘the good’ of whatever community they are born into?’
The answer to that question is simply ‘higher principled living’.
![]()
Ferguson dedicated his book Civilization to "Ayaan". In an interview with the Guardian Ferguson spoke about his love for Ali, who, he writes in the preface, "understands better than anyone I know what Western civilisation really means – and what it still has to offer the world".
Not every community faces the situation and conditions of the current black community so on that level most other men will not be required to make any extraordinary sacrifices or efforts to ‘keep their communities alive.’ Having said that however it is important to understand that you get men ‘contributing’ by instilling the ideas, ideals and principles that incline them towards this ‘contributing’ way of life from an early age, if this is what will be required of them (remember the Jesuit motto ‘Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man’!).
When you look at the most ‘basic’ things that black men need to do to uplift community it possibly boils down to this: cut off the option of eternal bachelorhood and having ‘offspring’ all over the place and instead ‘build a nest’ with one woman and raise your children in ‘optimal’ conditions. That’s essentially it. They dont need to make a million dollars or own multiple cars, even do anything beyond make the effort to bring in resources for their families (assisted of course by the efforts of the black female spouse).
The above isn’t even ‘higher principled living‘ by any standard apart from the fact that it isn’t the norm among black people and (this is an important and), the current conditions in the black community allows for black men to contribute little without any kind of social sanction and penalty. Thus it is pricipled living for black men to not want to 'do what is the norm' even exploit their advantages to live selfishly and without concern for the impact of their actions.
Black unity, ‘black together’ proponents would have you believe that black men will just do what they need to do for their people ‘just because’ or because of the 'goodness of their hearts' or with just a little encouragement from us, as if there hasnt been fundamental and fatal black social shift away from this happening.
Well I guess black men would lead principled lives if they had been reared in the values of ‘principled living’ from infancy but you see that that boat has been missed up until there is no going back, no possibility of a redress. A generation of self-centred, self-catering black men have been raised and are now in place.
Therefore any black woman trusting that black men will at a point ‘come through’ for their people is in fairy land.
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
I want to first say that I totally ‘get’ what BWE is saying in terms of black women putting themselves first and taking care of their needs, however I don’t think that we need to give up on the community as a whole (and even a desire to make it work with black men because that’s how we have a community in the first place right?).
Black men and women will have to join hands to do what is best for our community at some point or both of us will suffer the consequences even greater than today. I think black women’s lives will be poorer if they don’t at least try their utmost to restore the community. Black women can make it in white society but they will always be limited
Thank you for this email.
Over the last six years we have talked about a few issues on this blog and have in essence begun to repeat ourselves. This email affords the opportunity to speak specifically about this issue of black men and women in partnership over the race.
As I have said before, 'Black women caanot save the race/community (as we currently know it) all by themselves, both genders will have to be equally onboard' (lets keep aside for now the question of why black women would want to save a community in its current anti-black woman set up and formulation and assume that what we mean here is the positive bits of the black community).
In your email you seem to be suggesting that black men are there for black women to join hands with over the fate of the race. Is this true however?
Let me now state a basic assumption upon which I will tackle this question.
‘Men will always do what is best for them on an individual level’ (a high level of selfishness in their actions)
On the above you can be sure. And thus based on the above it is clear that:
Black men will only do what is ‘good for the community’, when this ‘good’ coincides with their personal benefit.
The next layers to this logical argument of mine is that:
‘Since what it will take to restore the community, requires selflessness and sacrifice (even a fool can compute this), you are not going to get a ‘buy in’ from a critical number of black men towards the black uplift effort that is, not in numbers that will make a difference!
Now somewhere out there I hear someone ask, ‘So how do other men do it then, if it is all about their selfish personal interests and they don’t give a damn about ‘the good’ of whatever community they are born into?’
The answer to that question is simply ‘higher principled living’.
Niall Ferguson expecting fourth child with Ayaan Hirsi Ali, the Somali-born writer
Ferguson dedicated his book Civilization to "Ayaan". In an interview with the Guardian Ferguson spoke about his love for Ali, who, he writes in the preface, "understands better than anyone I know what Western civilisation really means – and what it still has to offer the world".
Not every community faces the situation and conditions of the current black community so on that level most other men will not be required to make any extraordinary sacrifices or efforts to ‘keep their communities alive.’ Having said that however it is important to understand that you get men ‘contributing’ by instilling the ideas, ideals and principles that incline them towards this ‘contributing’ way of life from an early age, if this is what will be required of them (remember the Jesuit motto ‘Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man’!).
When you look at the most ‘basic’ things that black men need to do to uplift community it possibly boils down to this: cut off the option of eternal bachelorhood and having ‘offspring’ all over the place and instead ‘build a nest’ with one woman and raise your children in ‘optimal’ conditions. That’s essentially it. They dont need to make a million dollars or own multiple cars, even do anything beyond make the effort to bring in resources for their families (assisted of course by the efforts of the black female spouse).
The above isn’t even ‘higher principled living‘ by any standard apart from the fact that it isn’t the norm among black people and (this is an important and), the current conditions in the black community allows for black men to contribute little without any kind of social sanction and penalty. Thus it is pricipled living for black men to not want to 'do what is the norm' even exploit their advantages to live selfishly and without concern for the impact of their actions.
Black unity, ‘black together’ proponents would have you believe that black men will just do what they need to do for their people ‘just because’ or because of the 'goodness of their hearts' or with just a little encouragement from us, as if there hasnt been fundamental and fatal black social shift away from this happening.
Well I guess black men would lead principled lives if they had been reared in the values of ‘principled living’ from infancy but you see that that boat has been missed up until there is no going back, no possibility of a redress. A generation of self-centred, self-catering black men have been raised and are now in place.
Therefore any black woman trusting that black men will at a point ‘come through’ for their people is in fairy land.
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Here is something revolutionary
You are the black community that you are looking outside of yourself to save!
Most black women get up, get an education, get a job and then they think, 'Now I must do my bit for the black community.' They ask, 'where is the next black community project so I might get stuck in saving or rescuing black folk.' What these black women do not realize is that 'they' are the black community that they are always looking outside themselves to save!
Think about that for a second. You are the black community you are looking outside to save.
You've heard the saying, 'The Kingdom of God is within you'. Its so apt a statement in this particular case.
Let me show you how this one works.
Say half a million black women suddenly 'got it' and realized that they are the black community they are always looking outside themselves to save, and that their first loyalty is to self and that all they need to do is secure themselves and their own situation financially and otherwise, find the best deal for them and their children who they plan to have in the best possible circumstances etc, and this is essentially all they need to do to 'uplift' the black community then guess what will happen in about ten years...
Ten years later they have children who are thriving and poised to be launched into the best in terms of what they can access in our society. These women are less stressed and their health is better, they have head space to look after their health unlike women who have their offspring in less than optimal circumstances and have to work three jobs and have no time for personal care even time to spend one on one time with their children.
In another twenty years there are over a million children from these mothers who are 'well adjusted', have the right values to succeed and thrive in the current social set up etc etc. The upwards spiral is thus in effect for this subgroup of black women and the children they have.
See how this goes.
On the other side are black women who 'dont get it', they continue things the way they are; squandering the advantages they have acquired by applying themselves to their studies by getting entangled in draining domestic situations that diminsh them, their offspring and cut off any potential they or their children might have. Their have their self esteem trashed so much so they begin to suffer other self esteem related issues eg mental health conditions, lack of confidence, overeating to cope with the disdain of black women and racio-misogyny they see around them, to also deal with the stress and pressure and rejection and the mule role they have been pushed into.
These women and their children will often require goverment assistance or their children have a high chance of ending up in the prison system.
Yes many of these women think they are 'elevating/helping out their black people' in the limits they place on themselves (we will not avail ourselves of interracial dating options) and the choices they allow themselves to make, or they are dissipating their rescources and the time they will never get back, camping at black churches or participating in activites that just end up counting for nought because the fundamental ingredients to bring the desired outcome are just not there (participating black men, parents that are participating in their cihildrens academic lives).
The irony (or should I say paradox according to popular wisdom) of it all is that given the current social reality of black women, those who look after themselves and are single minded about getting the best for them just cant help raising the next generation to be vibrant and to take their place as fully functioning members of society. The other camp who might even be working hard and pouring themselves out, and doing double shifts trying to help out the black situation end up in the center of a dynamic that leads them to have negative returns all round.
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Most black women get up, get an education, get a job and then they think, 'Now I must do my bit for the black community.' They ask, 'where is the next black community project so I might get stuck in saving or rescuing black folk.' What these black women do not realize is that 'they' are the black community that they are always looking outside themselves to save!
Think about that for a second. You are the black community you are looking outside to save.
You've heard the saying, 'The Kingdom of God is within you'. Its so apt a statement in this particular case.
Let me show you how this one works.
Say half a million black women suddenly 'got it' and realized that they are the black community they are always looking outside themselves to save, and that their first loyalty is to self and that all they need to do is secure themselves and their own situation financially and otherwise, find the best deal for them and their children who they plan to have in the best possible circumstances etc, and this is essentially all they need to do to 'uplift' the black community then guess what will happen in about ten years...
Ten years later they have children who are thriving and poised to be launched into the best in terms of what they can access in our society. These women are less stressed and their health is better, they have head space to look after their health unlike women who have their offspring in less than optimal circumstances and have to work three jobs and have no time for personal care even time to spend one on one time with their children.
In another twenty years there are over a million children from these mothers who are 'well adjusted', have the right values to succeed and thrive in the current social set up etc etc. The upwards spiral is thus in effect for this subgroup of black women and the children they have.
See how this goes.
On the other side are black women who 'dont get it', they continue things the way they are; squandering the advantages they have acquired by applying themselves to their studies by getting entangled in draining domestic situations that diminsh them, their offspring and cut off any potential they or their children might have. Their have their self esteem trashed so much so they begin to suffer other self esteem related issues eg mental health conditions, lack of confidence, overeating to cope with the disdain of black women and racio-misogyny they see around them, to also deal with the stress and pressure and rejection and the mule role they have been pushed into.
These women and their children will often require goverment assistance or their children have a high chance of ending up in the prison system.
Yes many of these women think they are 'elevating/helping out their black people' in the limits they place on themselves (we will not avail ourselves of interracial dating options) and the choices they allow themselves to make, or they are dissipating their rescources and the time they will never get back, camping at black churches or participating in activites that just end up counting for nought because the fundamental ingredients to bring the desired outcome are just not there (participating black men, parents that are participating in their cihildrens academic lives).
The irony (or should I say paradox according to popular wisdom) of it all is that given the current social reality of black women, those who look after themselves and are single minded about getting the best for them just cant help raising the next generation to be vibrant and to take their place as fully functioning members of society. The other camp who might even be working hard and pouring themselves out, and doing double shifts trying to help out the black situation end up in the center of a dynamic that leads them to have negative returns all round.
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The plan is to emasculate the Non black man who you are with!
Yesterday I watched Lakeview Terrace, again. This is the film starring Samuel L. Jackson as an LAPD officer who wants to drive out the interracial couple played by Patrick Wilson and Kerry Washington from the neighbourhood.
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Its amazing how certain nuances of the film jumped out at me the second time around. When Patrick's character says to Kerry's 'come on I am always taking shit off black guys because of our relationship', it really calls my attention. Here was a man, taking it in the stomach yet not feeling he could complain even to his wife who possibly is of the school of thought that white men are always ever the aggressor in any social interraction with black men. Indeed for the first half of the movie you do see Kerry trying to stick up for Samuels character even as her husband begins to detect that he hates the thought of them together. If the situation was reversed with Patrick's character disbelieving his black wife's claim about racism etc, it would be a big issue of which in real life the white man would possibly never live down!
However what stood out for me was the section when they are having this 'fight' across the fence with Samuel Jackson holding and wielding the electric saw at the couple. That bit was scary but I noted how Kerry's character was running in to 'rescue' her man and how Samuel's character picked on this and used that as a weapon, calling Patricks character '*8sy' and goading him by saying 'you want her to do the fighting for you' or words to that effect.
This particular part of the film reminded me of an incident that I witnessed last year. A young black girl was walking with what I can assume was her boyfriend, who looked part Asian, suddenly in broad daylight in the shoping mall, two black men accosted the couple. Before you could say 'jack' they were ready to beat the guy down. And as you may well all guess, the black girl ran in between to try and stop them. The girl kept saying 'No leave it, dont, leave it, lets go', to her companion.
I can only assume from how the girl was rushing to break up the situation, and how she said, 'No leave it', that the black men had said something nasty to the couple (as many bm seem to think they have a right to say as they of course should never be held to the same decency standards as everyone else) as they passed them and when the boyfreind responded to them, they set about trying to beat him up indeed to underscore how they, black men, are 'real men' and of course make him less than a man in the eyes of the girl.
The sad thing here is that by running to 'save her man' and stand in the middle, this black girl was still playing to the tune of the emasculation campaign, because women are not supposed to be saving their men from other men.
Black women cannot win for loosing in these situations because doing the sensible thing which is to try to break up the situation, would mean making him less than a man and I am very sure just like the Samuel Jackson character, such a meaning is not lost of many bm out there who provoke such situations to reinforce notions about how they are more men than any others and also to stir insecurities that 'the non black partner will never be the man in this relationship'.
I remember feeling very angry that day and I think, it was because I was picking up this subtext of the poor bw being in bind, a no win situation of which whatever she does would play into the undermining of her partner. I was also perplexed that many bm actually feel in this 21st century that it is their right to accost bw and non black men and say mean and hurtful things, the same group of men who would cry racism and victimisation if someone else did the same to them!
In the situation that unfolded I can see how the bw would immediately jump in to intervene. He could be seriously injured in a fight especially with two men but if she moves to break up the situation as she did it still looks like a woman having to defend a man who is not up to the job.
There is another thing there and that is that many bw even in such situations, would still have sympathies stationed with black men. Many still try to 'defend' and 'see with' bm. Many interpret bm's reactions as the response of those who are frustrated by racism, injustice (as if this excuses their direct hateful actions) and oppression, not as the deliberate activities of malicious 'brothas' who want to reassert their masculinity and ownership over others, even if others are hurt by their actions.
It is important for bw to realize that many black men who will confront you and your partner are aiming for his masculinity, either directly or by getting you to do it by launching yourself at the situaion!
Like Kerry Washingtons character in Lake View Terrace, many bw also cannot get out of the notion, that it is always the black man who needs defending or who becaue of having less social power than the white man cannot be the aggressor in any interraction with white men etc. But by reasoning thus, you are in essence allowing a situation where bm will be able to act with impunity against you and yours. Whether white or non black men have greater social agency, leverage or power than black men, does not mean that black men do not see when and how they can capitalize on notions of their powerlessness etc to afford them cover to deal their 'rivals' grievious blows!
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Its amazing how certain nuances of the film jumped out at me the second time around. When Patrick's character says to Kerry's 'come on I am always taking shit off black guys because of our relationship', it really calls my attention. Here was a man, taking it in the stomach yet not feeling he could complain even to his wife who possibly is of the school of thought that white men are always ever the aggressor in any social interraction with black men. Indeed for the first half of the movie you do see Kerry trying to stick up for Samuels character even as her husband begins to detect that he hates the thought of them together. If the situation was reversed with Patrick's character disbelieving his black wife's claim about racism etc, it would be a big issue of which in real life the white man would possibly never live down!
However what stood out for me was the section when they are having this 'fight' across the fence with Samuel Jackson holding and wielding the electric saw at the couple. That bit was scary but I noted how Kerry's character was running in to 'rescue' her man and how Samuel's character picked on this and used that as a weapon, calling Patricks character '*8sy' and goading him by saying 'you want her to do the fighting for you' or words to that effect.
This particular part of the film reminded me of an incident that I witnessed last year. A young black girl was walking with what I can assume was her boyfriend, who looked part Asian, suddenly in broad daylight in the shoping mall, two black men accosted the couple. Before you could say 'jack' they were ready to beat the guy down. And as you may well all guess, the black girl ran in between to try and stop them. The girl kept saying 'No leave it, dont, leave it, lets go', to her companion.
I can only assume from how the girl was rushing to break up the situation, and how she said, 'No leave it', that the black men had said something nasty to the couple (as many bm seem to think they have a right to say as they of course should never be held to the same decency standards as everyone else) as they passed them and when the boyfreind responded to them, they set about trying to beat him up indeed to underscore how they, black men, are 'real men' and of course make him less than a man in the eyes of the girl.
The sad thing here is that by running to 'save her man' and stand in the middle, this black girl was still playing to the tune of the emasculation campaign, because women are not supposed to be saving their men from other men.
Black women cannot win for loosing in these situations because doing the sensible thing which is to try to break up the situation, would mean making him less than a man and I am very sure just like the Samuel Jackson character, such a meaning is not lost of many bm out there who provoke such situations to reinforce notions about how they are more men than any others and also to stir insecurities that 'the non black partner will never be the man in this relationship'.
I remember feeling very angry that day and I think, it was because I was picking up this subtext of the poor bw being in bind, a no win situation of which whatever she does would play into the undermining of her partner. I was also perplexed that many bm actually feel in this 21st century that it is their right to accost bw and non black men and say mean and hurtful things, the same group of men who would cry racism and victimisation if someone else did the same to them!
In the situation that unfolded I can see how the bw would immediately jump in to intervene. He could be seriously injured in a fight especially with two men but if she moves to break up the situation as she did it still looks like a woman having to defend a man who is not up to the job.
There is another thing there and that is that many bw even in such situations, would still have sympathies stationed with black men. Many still try to 'defend' and 'see with' bm. Many interpret bm's reactions as the response of those who are frustrated by racism, injustice (as if this excuses their direct hateful actions) and oppression, not as the deliberate activities of malicious 'brothas' who want to reassert their masculinity and ownership over others, even if others are hurt by their actions.
It is important for bw to realize that many black men who will confront you and your partner are aiming for his masculinity, either directly or by getting you to do it by launching yourself at the situaion!
Like Kerry Washingtons character in Lake View Terrace, many bw also cannot get out of the notion, that it is always the black man who needs defending or who becaue of having less social power than the white man cannot be the aggressor in any interraction with white men etc. But by reasoning thus, you are in essence allowing a situation where bm will be able to act with impunity against you and yours. Whether white or non black men have greater social agency, leverage or power than black men, does not mean that black men do not see when and how they can capitalize on notions of their powerlessness etc to afford them cover to deal their 'rivals' grievious blows!
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Monday, June 06, 2011
What counts as 'First Move'?
I came across a post about 'who makes the first move?'. I was wondering what your thoughts are on a bw making the first move with a wm. I must admit that I feel it is a risky venture for black women.
There are a couple of fears expressed by black women as to why they would prefer not to make the first move with white men. Firstly many black women subscribe to dating 'gender roles' of being 'pursued' as opposed to being the 'pursuer' and do believe that it is a loosing game plan to pursue a man who will then never 'pull his weight' in the relationship or respect her from then on even if he takes what she has to offer. However where black women would be happy to pursue in an in-race dating situation they get cold feet about trying out this protocol outside race.
One reason is that a white man coming across is a strong indicator that at least he is 'non racist', and has given some thoughts and even 'prepared' himself for what interracial dating might mean. Of course this is all 'ideal' thinking because many folks, 'dont even know they dont know' however when a black woman goes over first, she might go up to a man who might be holding her race against her (which is now increasingly the case with black men as well these day!), she might be going up to a man who hasnt prepared himself for interracial dating (which has its own social hurdles). Yes and unfortnately we do not date in a social vacuum, one two many stares and an unprepared white man who was at first blown away by a black woman's beauty etc might suddenly decide he just cant deal. 'I wasnt really convinced you came unto me remember,' is not exactly what a woman wants to hear!
The problem however is how black women define first move. Many black women are paralyzed at the thought of saying 'Hi' and think this is a ‘first move’. Starting a conversation? well thats all sorts of multiple first moves right there! lol
I pitch first move as you saying you are interested explicitly, and 'lets go on date' kind of thing, but thats me, so I would like readers to weight in here (male and female) and with scenerio examples if possible. Lets loosen some mental chains!
How would 'the first move' appear to you?
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
There are a couple of fears expressed by black women as to why they would prefer not to make the first move with white men. Firstly many black women subscribe to dating 'gender roles' of being 'pursued' as opposed to being the 'pursuer' and do believe that it is a loosing game plan to pursue a man who will then never 'pull his weight' in the relationship or respect her from then on even if he takes what she has to offer. However where black women would be happy to pursue in an in-race dating situation they get cold feet about trying out this protocol outside race.
One reason is that a white man coming across is a strong indicator that at least he is 'non racist', and has given some thoughts and even 'prepared' himself for what interracial dating might mean. Of course this is all 'ideal' thinking because many folks, 'dont even know they dont know' however when a black woman goes over first, she might go up to a man who might be holding her race against her (which is now increasingly the case with black men as well these day!), she might be going up to a man who hasnt prepared himself for interracial dating (which has its own social hurdles). Yes and unfortnately we do not date in a social vacuum, one two many stares and an unprepared white man who was at first blown away by a black woman's beauty etc might suddenly decide he just cant deal. 'I wasnt really convinced you came unto me remember,' is not exactly what a woman wants to hear!
The problem however is how black women define first move. Many black women are paralyzed at the thought of saying 'Hi' and think this is a ‘first move’. Starting a conversation? well thats all sorts of multiple first moves right there! lol
I pitch first move as you saying you are interested explicitly, and 'lets go on date' kind of thing, but thats me, so I would like readers to weight in here (male and female) and with scenerio examples if possible. Lets loosen some mental chains!
How would 'the first move' appear to you?
Wondering about Interracial dating?
I have written an E-book that gives a comprehensive insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her Interracial Dating Option. Get yourself clued up!
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
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