Self-esteem is overated, loose the weight now!

March 6th

Whoever gave black women this idea that they can only undertake ventures that are pleasing and only those that do not give them even the slightest feeling of worry, or doubt or anger. Hogwash!

Sometimes you have to do what you know you need to do with tears in your eyes, even struggling and complaining all the way down the line but still putting one foot in front of the other.

A Cat Named Esteem

This is the season of lent, this is the time to think and rethink ideas. I suggest a rethink of our need for comfort and feeling comfortable all the time and everytime.

Even the psalmist David had reason to say, "It was good that I was afflicted that I might learn your statutes" Psalm 119:71. We cannot always look to be comfortable, pampered, unchallenged, appealed to nicely before we do what is necessary." Fat jokes are cruel but the real truth is that some folks are just so darn sensitive to anything. If they would put as much energy into reaching their goal weight as trying to police how people speak about these issues they would have achieved their goals like yesterday!

There is one line that really jumped out at me in the latest film on Margaret Thatcher, 'The Iron lady'. Meryl Streep playing the Iron Lady, told the doctor treating her that, "People are so concerned these days about how they feel, instead ask me what I think. I think I will be just fine.' And this from a dementing frail old lady.

But real talk folks, why are black people and black women in particular all over 'Newagey-leftish-feel-good' claptrap. "My feelings, my feelings, my feelings", always about feelings and how they were hurt by someone and something! Poor sensitive modern man, you would wonder how our ancestors made it to the modern human. I am thinking they weren’t all that psychologically sensitive a bunch who got upset that a Lion looked at them the wrong way, or an antelope stepped on their foot. Indeed I sometimes wonder what the vegetarians in the group felt about all that killing and eating of meat, their sensitive feelings must have been crushed!

Black women are too focussed on feeling wonderful all the time, blessed and highly favoured, to actually let uncomfortable feelings motivate them into something better. But we should all have realized something was wrong when all these black women were reporting high self esteem when: black women are the least likely to wear their own hair, They are besieged by colorism in their communities, singleness rates (correlated with lack of companionships) and OOW rates are sky high, lets not even mention all the other horrible things black women are subjected to in 'their' communities.

I am afraid the whole high self esteem thing suggests that black women have actually retreated into fairy land because of all the terrors that surround them!
 
A level of dissatisfaction with self and ones current situation is necessary to motivate a person to take the steps towards self-improvement. Self-esteem is reality based, it is wry, it is hopeful but realistic, it doesnt stay down but bounces back.
 
It is amazing that as an overweight woman myself I never feel personally attacked by calls to loose weight. Instead I nod at the latest reminder and make another mental note about what to try next because like Thomas Eddison, I know 1000 ways not to loose weight and will know 1 on how to do it succesfully!
 
If you get upset at these calls to lay aside the weight, then it might be pointing to the fact that you have resigned to the situatuion and dont believe you can ever achieve your healthy weight goal!
 
 
Is self-esteem Overated? 
 
Comments
Black women need to look at themselves without attaching all the baggage of black community politics on their shoulders. Be open to examining their possibilities and embracing them wholeheartedly. That's the message I hope black women who are currently dealing with weight issues get eventually. It took me awhile to fully get it, and I thank you and other BWE bloggers for being a source of encouragement and hope for me and countless others -Tiffany


I am not even sure what the media means by "self-esteem". I think as you say, BW might be using the word in a different context. It may mean a surviving and coping tactic of working with what you've got (in hectic environments). From the first day I started work, a BW who's been watching and studying me (my hair, clothes and personal life), has started to tell everyone (who'd listen) how much weight she's lost and will lose.


I feel for her. She suffers from: asthma, diabetes, likely a thyroid problem, and a disabled leg. It's great that she's taken action, but I wonder why she waited all these years after being afflicted with severe health issues to do something about it. I don't know what truly motivates her now, but I hope she sticks with it.
And, by the way, she's got great "self-esteem." - Goldenah


The whole 'Self Esteem' idea has become something that only has one good answer: "Yes, I have good self esteem!" To say anything else would be the public admission of a defect or weakness. How can a 'strong' bw, struggling to take care of everything and everyone in her life possibly say anything else? -Arthur


the problem is that contentment breeds stagnation. black women are overall not winning and instead are dropping dead from heart disease, diabetes, and other obesity related things, so until they aren't content with being "okay" and are instead wanting more and wanting the best, then nothing will change.- SocialiteDreams

There's really only a small amount of bw who will choose to thrive instead of being just okay. And this is what it all comes down to.- Faith

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!


2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012



However are you wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

What does it mean that black women have 'High self esteem' ?

3rd March 2012
I want to say first of all that I have had to disable anonymous comments, because allowing anonymous comments meant also allow an amazing amount of spam. So to leave comments, please sign in (I believe you can also sign in as a guest, though not too sure about that one!).

Ok now we have heard about the latest 'negative' focus on black women and their lives and this time from Kaiser foundation and the survey they have done about black women and their body image. I am glad to see the healthy and diverse debate across the black female advocacy-blogsphere. Some say black women should not have to be focussed on, just like bacteria in a petri dish and this has a lot of truth to it. Others say black women should heed the wake up call and also black women cannot avoid 'media gawking' because they tend to as a demographic, trace out an existence that is just atypical even bizarre to the rest of society. I can also agree with these points.

Some have also countered the secondary argument that arose due to the debate on the Kaiser study (google Kaiser, black women, self-eseteem for more on the study) of black female body atitudes  -the secondary argument that it is about time that black women quit being 'happy with fatty'- by insisting that black women who made such remarks are wrong for denying black women their self esteem and the strength that they have shown in and despite their situation. They see black women having a positive self-image even though obese as a good thing.

I want to point out also that black women tend to, for their view points, be entrenched in the liberal position on most things. I can detect the subtext in the ensuing debate, of the liberal canard that people deserve to be who they are and who they want to be without judgement or criticism. Thus black women should not be picked on because of who or what they are. The trouble with this perspective is that it freezes black women in the frame they are currently in and locks out space for any transformation. Are we saying that, (replacing the words people with black women of the liberal position above) black women deserve to be (obese, unhealthy eaters, in denial about the realities of obesity and health) without judgement or criticism.

I also want to suggest that what we deem as healthy self esteem might not necessarily be such. Self esteem also requires an acknowledgement or a 'tie' with reality to be authentic in my view not a dismissing of the end point of a particular course.  It is a bit problematic for black women to be happy and comfortable in a situation that is dangerous and damaging and points to something different from 'healthy self-esteem' in my view (possibly an unhealthy high self-esteem might describe the situation!).

Beware of judging black women's self esteem by the same indicators as those used to judge that of women who are not black. It seems it is now necessary to come up with a different range of indicators to test out this supposed high self-esteem among black women.

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!

2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012



However are you wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

Black History Heroines -The Union Spy Mary Elizabeth Bowser

Bowser is one of many African-American female spies who worked for the Union during the Civil War, yet her works are hardly known to us today. The U.S. government honored Bowser for her work in the Civil War with an induction into the Military Intelligence Corps Hall of Fame in Fort Huachuca, Arizona.



Bowser was the source of the most crucial information because as he wrote in his journal, "she was working right in the Davis home and had a photographic mind. Everything she saw on the Rebel President's desk, she could repeat word for word. Unlike most colored, she could read and write. She made a point of always coming out to my wagon when I made deliveries at the Davis home to drop information." (quoted in Waitt, Thomas McNiven Papers.)


There was enough information for Bowser to write a journal chronicling her wartime efforts. The journal, too, is lost to us today because her family members mistakenly discarded it in 1952. The Bowser family rarely discussed their work because of the postwar climate in Richmond and attitudes towards Union sympathizers. There is no record of Mary Bowser's post-war life and no date of death.

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Bowser

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!

2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012







However are you wondering about Interracial dating?



You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!


Questions/comments to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

The Importance of Self-Advocacy

The Beautiful Whitney Houston, RIP we will always love you!

In the current situation and state of black womanhood, only the self-advocate stands a chance of turning things around for herself.

Who is a self-advocate? She is a person who with her internal energy and exertion lifts herself up and out of any negative situation within which she has found herself. She lifts herself out of the waters of disadvantage that has become the lot of black women, she lifts herself up and out of deprivation which is the lifestyle that a whole host of black women have fallen into.

Even animals exert themselves to get out of a bad situation no matter who put them in in the first place!

Black women battle so many things not of their own making, this doesn't however mean they should just sit there and moan and complain. Many black women actually feel it is somehow 'wrong' for them to struggle against what they find themselves in because someone else put them in it be it government, the racist society structure created by whites etc etc. The self-advocate however is more interested in the future that she could have, to stand and wait for those who caused the issue in the first place to come and right the wrong! She is committed 110% to do something to alleviate her problems, whinging and complaining about what put her in the situation and how unfair the fact that she has to make an effort now to free herself when others are responsible for her sitiation...well all that doesnt take up any of her time and emotional energy. Even with a sense of the injustice of it all she still moves forward with her life and does all in her power to break herself free from any negative situation.

Self advocates dont dwell on the fact that Asian women are not being asked to 'pursue' white men, or are not asked to talk to men first, they push all that to the back of their minds and strike up conversation with the white man standing at their side on the queue.

Self advocates will do all they can to get themselves up and out of the cloak of invisibility that surrounds black women, and break from all the other forces and factors that are acting together to make for the poor social harvest that many black women are reaping. Self advocates are way too in love with the bright future they could have to waste time complaining about the effort that will amount to nothing when compared to the future that awaits.

Are you a self-advocate? Tell us how you have achieved self-advocacy in your situation.

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!

2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012



However are you wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

We love you Whitney: RIP!

Gideon and 300 women! Update

Remember that Gideon had only three hundred men and these men defeated their enemies running into tens of thousands using 'tactics' rather than numbers.

'Ugly Sisters' a school production (from my 2002 newspaper cuttings)

We have too much to do, the focus cannot be on entertaining ourselves

Effectiveness is what counts. I see a young group emerge in the BWE battle that will position themselves (as CEOs, Film Directors, wives and friends of powerful men) for maximum effectiveness. They will be grounded in the precepts of Black women empowerment and they will achieve and influence for the better of black women and achieve what thousands wont be able to achieve in 10 years! That’s why we do what we do here, that’s why we keep writing and preaching; that we may plant the seeds into the younger black women and they are there, never doubt it!


I was really encouraged when a teenage black girl wrote me to say she 'gets' BWE.  She wasn't asking what BWE is, or how can one be BWE? she read a few articles and she 'caught' it, she understood BWE in the spirit.

Please encourage our newest young blogger http://ablackgirlsview.blogspot.com/

She understood the spirit of BWE and therefore she didn't need a dictionary or guide book. When you know 'the spirit' of a thing you don't need any step by step guidance, that’s why I can be on one side of the Atlantic and I am on the same page as women I have never met on the other side of the Atlantic Its a beautiful thing when you understand others in the spirit. If something is blocking your understanding of what BWE is about, maybe its time for some soul searching. What is the block, is it resentment, fear, refusal to let go of old formula and old unproductive models? Is any of these holding back your understanding?

I also want to say here that what binds me with most of you on the BWE path isn't sisterhood or friendship (even though I am sure many of you are wonderful and we would be friends in real life),  it is our commitment to an ideal, a commitment to the best for black women. That’s all that binds us and all that needs to bind us. Friendships can result from this, but first and foremost it is our dedication to achieving victory for black women that is the primary bond. We are like secret agents in the crowd. We have a goal and we are working our assignment. That is what binds us!

Never think that you have to bind together with the crowd. I would even go further to say that this empowerment walk will be a very individual one as you aim to be excellent in everything. Many black women 'match' their energies with those in their sister-friend group without even being aware. The refusal to let go of others in pursuit of their goals is one reason why you find cohorts of friends etc suffering the same issue whether it be obesity or singleness and there are little ways in which other black women enforce the group status quo and prevent each other from reaching for more or from breaking free from limit.

I was in the local library a few months ago and there were these two black girls sitting and 'reading' a bit further off from where I was. There was a free chair by my side and a young college white boy came up and asked if he could have the seat. Immediately these black girls let put a loud giggle, when we both looked across they put down their heads to pretend something else was going on but I knew that it was the interaction between the young white lad and myself that these girls were trying to disrupt, sending a disapproving signal disguised as a laugh.

Another incident which I may or may not have recounted before is that of a 10 year old who came around when I was having a conversation with a white guy at our church. She hung around until I excused myself thinking she wanted to talk to me about something urgent, but no sooner had I turned to speak to her she rushed off without a word.

See even at these young ages these young black girls had already learnt how to police the boundaries using ingenious methods like coughing, laughing (to make other black girls self conscious), interrupting etc. What this does is it makes those who are uncertain pull back because you begin to feel that something is wrong with what you are doing or about to do. Only if you are strong minded and really know your mind would you be able to shrug off the antics of others to go for what you want. But since most of us are growing into certain ideas and perspectives or becoming aware of options available out there, and our next course of action is suggested by these interactions in the first place, these kind of disruptive actions are designed to effectively nip in the bud our 'potential'. This is why they are so effective because they cut of the potential for an activity before the activity has a chance to even begin to happen.

Some people are moved by impulses they are not even aware of and these people are dangerous because they don't understand what is 'driving' them (self awareness), and neither will you until that invisible force moves them to do something counterproductive!


The Kindle books are a little behind schedule. I shall make them available for PDF downloads as well as some have requested!

 New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012






Wondering about Interracial dating?
You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

There is Black Woman Empowerment and there is Black Community Empowerment

There is  Black Woman Empowerment (BWE) and Black Community Empowerment (BCE).

'For clarification: this blog post is not a judgement on anyone. I feel however as a pioneer BWE blogger, it is my responsibility to hold a steady course on certain issues, while others can enjoy a degree of latitude. If those of us who were in from the beginning do not hold to a 'true north', BWE will mean anything and nothing!'

The whole furore over Red Tails has actually clarified that many of you who assume you are BWE are actually more Black Community Empowerment. Your loyalties are more to BCE than it ever is to BWE. Thus whenever BWE and BCE come into conflict (as they do and will increasingly do as I will explain below) like every true BCE loyalist, your response is to quickly throw bw and her concerns under the bus in favour of BCE.

Yes indeed as evidence, listen to the 'reasons' given by black women who decided they would see Redtails despite the movie erasing bw (something that should be critical for any self-respecting black woman not to even talk about a black woman who claims to be all about the empowerment and uplift of black women):

• Its about the black community and a film showing us in good light (but the film Redtails did not show 'black people' in good light, it only showed black men in good light, dont ever get it wrong, this is a key point which these comentors deliberately sidestepped in good ol' bw sacrificing style)
• I will watch it to honor my grandfather Tam Tam, its the only way
• We should support a 'black' film so the next time we will get a chance to see a black film and maybe a black woman appearing for 2.5 seconds (Hey it's all about incremental steps innit).
• There is nothing wrong with interracial dating (deliberate misconstruing of the legitimate issue raised by bw of being erased from a film)
• Its a film about Tuskegee Airmen what has that to do with black women and of course they were in Italy so it was wholly impossible for bw to be present (I was suprised that so called BWE supporters were using this enemy obsfucation tactic)
• It would have been so hard to include a black woman somewhere in the film, it would have been as hard as splitting the atom!

No where in the above are the direct interests of black women identified. In addition, in good ol' 'non reciprocity for black women' style, they black women are suppose to make sure they be there for the movie so that it doesnt fail. Indeed, note that bearly anybody is actually requiring black men to support the film so it doesnt fail, yet this film is all about the glory of black men! But as is the ususal BC style, bw get to work while the results accrue to black men.

It is important to look at what people do, not what they say. Despite all the protestations of being in support of BWE and all the stuff, when it came down to it they couldnt hold firm in prioritizing black women's interest in something small as forgoing a film (which they can catch on netfliks or DVD later). How do you think these women will then prioritize black women in more serious even life or death issues? They clearly indicated where their interest lay. In truth anyone can say they are for BWE, it is actually what happens when push comes to shove that really clarifies things.

What, do you mean that a bw cannot be for BWE and BCE? I hear someone ask. I also hear, 'Does BWE have to be in conflct with BCE?

Well those are the million dollar questions arent they, but I will answer that by quoting Aimee who succintly summed up what we are faced with when she wrote:

It is absolutely crucial for black women who want the healthy, happy lives that they deserve to recognize that the very foundation of the currently formulated black community is constructed around the devaluation of black women and children. It is no more and no less. Loyalty to this community requires disloyalty to your own well-being and your very survival as black women - Aimee (pioneer BWE writer)

Aimee is clearly a prophet because she fortold that a couple of years after she wrote that that there would come a time when bw would be required to extinguish themselves and sign up to their own erasure to serve black community.

Yep seeing Redtails became a community serving effort even as the film, the writers and the actors couldnt have done more to stick a finger up at black women! Just as Aimee highlighted, serving community and supporting Tuskegee men and all that, required erasing black women and as befitting their true allegiance folk duely complied as good BCE loyalists.

For many black women, BWE is a subset of BCE

This diagram above represents how the average black woman sees black women's uplift and anything to do with black women getting theirs; she sees it as part and parcel of the overall agenda to advance black people.

What Aimee and many other piooneer BWE realized is that BWE is not a subset of BCE. BWE is actually a stand alone and a stand apart project from all BCE efforts as the diagram below shows

BWE is Distinct from BCE

The reason BWE has to stand apart from BCE is for the simple reason (and as Aimee highlighted) that BCE now increasingly demands the subjection of black women into the bargain of community uplift. It is no longer about black women doing their bit, even doing more than everyone else, now they must swallow the contempt and disdain in addition. Its not about working on hands and knees anymore, that will no longer do, its about enduring the devaluation, the mockery, about providing entertainment and sport while lugging the load of the BC alone!

Many black women think they can secure black women's empowerment under the umbrella of BCE but as long as BCE requires bw to sacrifice themselves, diminish themselves, lower themselves and their standards, not thnk of themselves, sign up to their own erasure etc etc (as was clearly the case with Redtails), then anyone thinking BWE can be achieved as a subset of BCE is really not thinking clearly. Black women occupy a devalued status in-group even more than what they experience outside the group, the argument for fair treatment, consideration doesnt even make sense under a devalued in-group status. Thats why people look at you funny when you ask for respect and roll their eyes and continue to push forward a bw disrespecting agenda, because thats what makes sense for a devalued human being!

 

Whats more, many bw who are part BWE but more BCE are developing cognitive dissonance because they realize and understand the arguments raised about BWE but still want to serve the BCE agenda so in order to ameliorate their discomfort they do so many mental gymnastics and come up with such reasons as "Well there where no black women in Italy thats why no black woman was in movie Redtails." I honestly dont know if they really believe what they are saying but some have convinced thenmselves of the validity of their answers especially after repeating convenient general excuses like 'It dosnt really matter, its no big deal'.

 

Though however the black women I am more wary of are those who get all defensive and crowbar their fellow black women with the accusation of being 'jealous of a white woman'. Thats enemy tactics and any BWE spouting enemy phrases should be kept at a distance.

 

You know what is funny, this in-group devalued status of black women and why it makes for what we are seeing now was the missing puzzle that caused me to rewrite the upcomg e-book 'First Steps to Personal Empowerment' a few times before I felt it was ready.

 

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The Kindle books are a little behind schedule but still within January. I shall make them available for PDF downloads as well as some have requested!

 New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle January 2012

Wondering about Interracial dating?


You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com