Your Letters Continued

Your Letters Contd

...From Question on Previous Post

No one knows for sure why they get rejected in many instances.

Iman and David Bowie (such a beautiful couple)

For some of the things a person is rejected for, it might be a good idea in the long run and in terms of personal development and being the best you can be, to change whatever it is. For instance if you are rude and abrupt and this came out during a date, you can and should adjust this attitude. In other cases it's just the taste of the person sitting opposite you (or scanning your picture etc) and you should not bother over-thinking it and trying to adjust to whatever it is. For instance if you are a tall woman and a man wants a woman under 5'5, then there is absolutely nothing you can do about that.

And to make it more complicated, sometimes you could be nigh on 'perfect' but the person sitting across from you is in a head space that will prevent them from taking up the opportunity to be with such a wonderful match to them. I know a case where the woman was more or less a perfect match and the man admitted it. She was polished, upbeat and pleasant, easy on the eyes etc etc. The man in this case admitted that now that they had met he realized that he just was not ready to settle down/commit even though he thought he was. Indeed the reality only crystallized for him when he saw the perfect woman sitting opposite him and then he realized he just couldn’t take the jump.

I have seen (and experienced) this situation time and again and so no one should beat themselves up about being rejected as long as you have done the nest you can and no don't beat yourself up because there are still bits and pieces you have to work on.

This is why you need to keep going and going and going. Finding a partner especially as you advance in age is almost like finding a job. When you are turned down you must not or cannot just give up and say, 'I have been rejected for 20 jobs, so I wont work...' I don’t know if anyone ever sees it like that, in fact people might disconnect from the whole job search process form time to time but ultimately they pick up heart again and start to look and to eventually find where they fit in job wise, because really not working is just not an option for the average person, there is no way around this.

The job employers (like a man or woman in the dating market) might be looking for someone younger (which you cannot do anything about), they may be spoilt for choice (like in a recession), and want a worker who combines multiple job roles (now you may or may not consider this trend and seek to improve your resume with regards this reality). You can get so much help by signing up to agencies as you well know (the parallel in the dating market is a match maker). Ultimately as a woman you need to switch off emotions and make the process as dispassionate as possible to yourself so you are 'processing' scores of men for their suitability as well as they are being processed in or out naturally for their willingness and openness to be in a relationship with you. It is indeed one of the quandaries of life that people often say they want something e.g a relationship but in reality and from their actions the truth is they are not ready or are not serious or are not open to any particular person.

I believe black women would go far if they just took their heart and feelings out of the process of finding a partner and reintroduced their feelings at the point where there are signs that the connection is going somewhere instead of getting 'heart' involved from the beginning before even meeting a man so that a single negative action from a man sends 

them into a tailspin and TKOs them from the dating market for months and even years before they recover!

 

Pray to come into a ‘prepared’ place

If you are a person of faith or who believes in divine order or a higher power/God, like I do, I would suggest that you pray to be favored or to come into a prepared land, so to speak.

A while ago I went through a series of job positions where I was 'the first.' And when I say first, I mean that I was the first to challenge one thing or another; the person who broke into the negative culture or situation first and as a result I had a sore head! After me the boss or the organisation realized they shouldn’t do A, B, or C or they should put in place X, Y, Z. When I got another job offer after those other trying roles, I remember asking God to insure that someone had gone before me to clear the way as I had done for others in those other jobs where I had to battle management or battle for a general change in the work culture. The first day I arrived the person who was showing me round commented that 'we are trying to be more friendly to new comers because someone who worked here before said we were not really friendly'. It was the sign I was looking for to confirm that someone had passed through and ironed out the wrinkles and hiccups that would have caused me to have a not too pleasant work experience!

Now how does this relate to dating and relationships? Well sometimes a man has to go through some experiences so that he becomes prepared and open to what comes next. Some men have to be disappointed with a certain type of woman before he says to himself 'duh big breasts are not everything', or 'race means nothing.' etc etc. Some of us are often the ones who help men along to this life transforming wisdom, and unfortunate we do not get to reap the benefits of his adjusted mentality instead a woman who comes after us then happened upon this well aerated and transformed man!

If you feel that you are such a woman who more or less gets to do the work for others to enjoy, then send up a prayer or two that you will come across a man whose life experience has prepared him (not just another woman but life in general) to be open and fit for a relationship with you.

Halima is on Holiday

My e-books are now available on Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.

 

First Steps to Personal Empowerment
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Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
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Supposing I wanted to
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Your Letters

Dear Halima

I am afraid to put myself out there in the dating market, I am a shy person that is true however my biggest fear is that I will get rejected by white men. As a young woman I have always noted white men looking at me and then they look away when my eyes meet theirs. I think there could be attraction there but I don’t think they allow themselves to find us attractive and this is the number one hindrance to us coming together. But am I imagining things?

Richard Gere and Diana Ross hit the dance floor



Let me first address the issue of white men not allowing themselves to find black women attractive. There is a lot of truth in that observation. There is the belief that people just get overwhelmed by their feelings of attractions, that it just overrides their resistance. I think this idea comes straight out of Mills and Boons! Most people fall in love over a time and after an initial attraction (which is the start point). It means then that if a man feels an attraction but doesn’t allow himself to go down that route the relationship that would have been will not be.

One key thing to realize about white masculinity (yes we can analyze white masculinity just as we can black womanhood) is that it is rewarded and privileged for sure but it is only rewarded when white male actions fall within the acceptable range of behavior marked out by wider interest-forces! Most of us are of the impression that white male privilege is unlimited and unrestricted, that white men can go anywhere and do anything. This is a myth. White men have privilege and domination as long as they act and behave in the way that is acceptable for the white male to behave.

I believe one of the reasons why there is such a deep attraction to Rap music among white males is that it allows them to live the hyper- masculine dream vicariously. They are attracted to the rap thug because they recognize that they are not allowed to express such dominating and unfettered masculinity, the ones they see black rapper males indulge in, without severe sanctions to themselves, especially their ability to earn a living. It has become even worse in the current gender political state and the rise of a very aggressive thuggish strain of feminism that requires the very debasement of the white male before it is appeased. Many white males are actually giving in to the demand to self flagellate, identify masculinity and maleness as evil and the root of all that is wrong with the world and even to go as far as self loathing because this is the only way they can be admitted into certain circles or even secure their jobs (for instance tenure in many universities in America that have become open to only people of certain ideological persuasions) in many institutions in the West.

Coming back to the issue of white males and attraction to black women, you can be sure that many men have a moment hesitation and ask, how will this affect my ability to earn a living. Even if these men are free to pursue black women without any repercussion (because society has moved on for instance), it is the perception of this 'being one of the things that might hinder me' that becomes the reality that holds them back.

When some white men see an attractive black or other woman, they can respond to her physically but they also are aware on some level of how easily pursuing such a path could loose them their privileges and social endorsements. It might not be true that they will come under sanction as I have said, however many do not want to test out their fears!

Things are changing and white men are also acting independently of ‘endorsed’ notions of behavior in addition some white men work for themselves or work in ways that allows them to have freer choices than what is expected of them. The passing years also brings maturity, independence and maybe a stronger backbone to many of these men, others have to go through life to eventually figure out what is really important thus we expect and often see an increase in white men who are seeking or open to black women now in the ages over 35 (the restructure of the society we live in and the loosening of social taboos also means the younger ones are now also freer to make choices that those one generation up feared to make).

One of the reasons why I encourage black women to be out there in the dating market place is that by the sheer logic of numbers she will eventually find that white or other man who combines a willingness to date out with an attraction to black women and maybe the right social and economic situations or independence of mind that will allow him to pursue that option. Shyness might just be making it hard for you to build up the numbers from which you would logically expect to find a couple of white (and other) men of this mindset.

Follow up question 7th July

My e-books are now available on Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.

 

First Steps to Personal Empowerment
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Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
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Supposing I wanted to
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Reconstructing your femininity

It took me working in a school environment in rural England last year to understand how damaged black femininity can be from an early age.

 

The fact of the matter is that black women do not come under any sort of social protection so the only way older people have found to 'protect' black women is to clamp down on that aspect of black womanhood that would expose them to predatory males and this happens from an early age. In some cultures we hear of Breast ironing  which is essentially a means of removing a female characteristic that is seen to draw the attention of males with its attendant ramifications for the girl in question. Well something similar happens with blossoming young womanhood in black spaces in the West. Adults in very crude fashion, refuse girls their normal and natural female responses or self expressions so they dont become the target for predatory males. These adults may 'mean well' but the result is stifled expression of femininity, anxiety about aspects of being female, inability to respond with a carefree attitude to being a woman and being sought out for the functions of femaleness in society, and a general fraught attitude to those things that distinguish one as a woman.

Inability to connect freely with others

This whole issue of having a fraught relationship with ones femininity and being in a state of anxiety and tension with your very femaleness was highlighted to me one day while quick walking to the nearest train station to take me out of the area back into London. I fell into step with a Norwegian college student who proceeded to chit chat with me about everything and anything. Let me mention here, I was blown away by how naturally and freely she said hi and began to talk with me a stranger, confident, that I would respond and engage with her in a genuine and pleasant fashion. I wondered then, what kind of protective and caring environment would one have grown up in, that would enable them stretch out their hands to their society unflinchingly, and with every expectation of a positive and optimistic response. How often do I see young black girls peering at me from behind a book or etc, not having the 'freedom' and courage to strike up a conversation. It makes me feel sad that I am alienated from these young ladies.

Watching this young pleasant girl freely and unguardedly interact with me made me think on how white masculinity is restrained in such a way that to a great it extent allows white femininity to blossom, while on the other hand, unfettered and marauding masculinity is allowed in black spaces which means black femininity can often contract inwards. In fact anything less than marauding masculinity in black males is seen as a sign that 'the man' has neutered him! Am I saying that there are no wayward white boys causing damage to young women? No, but in white environments there is 'control' exerted on men to allow young females to be and do what young females do without damage.

Braggadocios femininity 'I can do it like a dude'

The likes of Jessie J tell us they can 'do it like a dude' and they go on to win accolades from the music industry. In fact a white girl mimicking 'rude gyals' from Jamaica is the surest route to fame these days, maybe because it contrasts so much with the category in which the white female is placed. But lets be sure about this, these women are being rewarded for their 'act'. Let's also not forget that white females are a protected specie and they can perform 'she-malism' without it tainting their femininity … yet!

Nothing is more off putting to me than brash young ladies, shouting and cursing and being harsh and unkind with each other. In our turned upside down society it seems that being harsh with friends and calling them unkind names in the full hearing of the public is suppose to endear you to them! 

Inability to flirt?

If you cannot engage with men on a level of flirting or if you feel anxious or afraid to be a woman with an interested man, then it might be that your femininity has been damaged. Some of us remember flirting with boys innocently only to have an elder, a big sister or parent twist our ear or make us feel that we had done the worst thing possible. Indeed we had committed a sordid act for which we should be ashamed. Often the feelings of 'wrongness' of flirting with men will always be lurking in the background for us and will possibly require 'therapy' and healing of some sort in many cases. But you know the funny thing, years later the same parents or elders that scarred you and damaged your natural reactions to men will be the ones to ask why you haven’t 'found a man' or settled down yet!

It took me being in a classroom where girls oozed girlishness without being crushed, slapped down or made to feel dirty to realize just how much damage is done to young black girls as soon as they exhibit behavior which is just natural for them as blossoming young women.

Next blog post available from 22 June

My e-books are now available on Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.

 

First Steps to Personal Empowerment
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Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
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Supposing I wanted to
Date a White Guy...?
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What is the Unique Selling Point of Black Women?

 

Animals in love!

What is the Unique selling point of black women? Why would men seek out a black women among all others? If you are on any online dating websites, you might notice some patterns, you might be forgiven if you thought that some of these men are seeking out black women because they into 'strong' women, or that some men like black women because we are curvier or they have a thing for plump women and we are noted for carrying a fair bit of weight. You might not be wrong in these impressions, a number of us might even be upset that we are being sought out by men because of generally unflattering reasons and these men’s niche (as opposed to mainstream) tastes. This has indeed been a sticking point for many black women, that attraction to them especially coming from white men is wrapped up in sordid and fringe tastes and the kind that self-respecting women should be ashamed to trigger in their admirers.

Black women would rather prefer to be sought out for more 'mainstreams' reasons and the fact that we match up to mainstream ideals of beauty, femininity and behavior. There seems something very seedy about being sought out because you are fat as opposed to being sought out because you are slim and only loser men are thought to want to be with dominant women. The sight of the weedy looking guy being dominated by an overbearing and often obese woman on Maury or Jerry Spinger makes us cringe!

 

 

I was having a discussion about younger men and older women with a friend a few weeks ago and she came out with the oft repeated axiom that 'some people go into relationships for the wrong reasons' and added that these relationships are prone to failure. This type of talk about wrong or right reasons for relationships tends to be accepted wisdom. This time however and because we were talking about younger men who look for nurturing older women, I guess the context made me pause on that statement and think about it more deeply.

 

 

We need to question some of the notions we carry about because they actually might be preventing us from finding that unique relationship that fits our unique set of circumstances and identities. Using the example we were discussing, if a younger man lacked maternal nurturing while growing up and as a result seeks out a more nurturing type woman in his subsequent adult relationships, it might feel all icky to us but the truth is, this nurturing deficiency is a permanent part of his identity and will forever be what makes him him, thus seeking out more maternal women (for instance an older woman), will be constant for him and not a passing fancy or 'the wrong reason' in his relationships. In other words a reason is not a 'wrong' reason (which lead to relationship breakup) if it is in this case, an integral part of his identity though it might sound all wrong to us that a man is seeking out a 'mothering' woman for a relationship. There is a woman out there who will match his requirements and who will find fulfillment in what he has to offer too. It might sound strange to us but its all part of the weird and wonderful tapestry of life. Some of us have been raised within parameters and settings that make us individuals that diverge from mainstream lifestyle, needs, preoccupations etc.

 

There is no carved in stone 'right' reason for being with someone. And a lot more of us need to become mature about this. A man can seek a woman for a variety of reasons and vice versa (trading beauty for financial security and etc etc), and as long as the terms are known and acceptable to the other party, that should be all there is to say about it. The fact that arranged marriages can work tells us that it is both party's commitment to the formula that is the deciding factor in whether a relationship works out or not.

 

 

So many factors working against black women in the area of relationship but...

We could sit here and count the reasons why black women are having a hard time compared to other women, when it comes to securing relationships, we could point to racism and unfavorable stereotypes, we could point to an overarching beauty ideal which excludes us, we could talk about weight, flaky men etc etc. One thing however defeats all the obstacles and that thing is...consistent and frequent exposure to the dating market. If black women put themselves out there to met men on a frequent and consistent basis they will come into contact with a broader range of men increasing the probability of finding a man who is right for them. Sitting up in your room complaining is actually more of a hindrance to your relationship ambitions than any of the 'issues' that are put forward as the cause of the lack of marriage among black women!  

 

 

Would you vote for a woman who could fall under the spell of her husband

 

Vicky Pryce has come out of jail. For those who don’t know who she is, she is the woman who committed a criminal offence and claimed in her defense that she was coerced by her husband a then cabinet minister in the current British coalition government.

The jury didn’t buy the idea that Vicky Pryce an eminent economist at the height of her career was such a woman that could come under the coercion of anyone even a husband, and she was sent to jail for 8 months.

 

 

Of course several feminists rallied to her cause and decided to look at the whole issue as one in which she was being punished for being female because a certain female vulnerability in the marriage arrangement means that women can and do fall victim to their husband's dominance. I guess we see this happen everyday but here's the thing, who would vote for women to be in places of authority if they are prone to this kind of mental capture by men. Indeed the case for seeing women as capable and responsible is severely undercut by the notion that we have to make allowances for women because they can be coerced in ways we don’t allow for men. 

 

 

So therein lies another dilemma of modern feminism. Their argument of the capable modern woman who has the mental strength to be CEO and even commander in chief is severely undercut by the defense put up that women can come under the spell of their husbands or partners and can be made to commit all sorts of atrocities. So in a way I am happy that the argument of marital coercion brought forward by the defense team of Ms Vicky Pryce didn't succeed.

 

Next blog post available from 9th June

My e-books are now available on Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.

 

First Steps to Personal Empowerment
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Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
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Supposing I wanted to
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Some 'wisdom gems' on BWE

I think it's a good idea, to revisit some of the very important conversations we have had as BWE from time to time.

Diana Ross and Richard Gere on the dance floor

Over the next weeks I will be offering a few gems I found while reviewing some old BWE cuttings I had from yesteryears. I think they will serve to refresh our minds about some very important discussions we have had over the years which have driven forward our understanding about black women and their situation.

Anyway before the BWE gems let me highlight an important career building advice for black women in particular

How to Behave at work

Black women know and can attest to the fact that when they put on their 'A game', they are more likely than not to suddenly attract saboteurs intent on pushing black women back from what their A game is about to achieve for them. If black women are well presented, in shape have well groomed and health hair and bodies, they have other women (who realize that they are about to reap a harvest for their efforts) suddenly creating problems for them, instigating a campaign of negativity towards them, trying their best to remind others not to warm to them, and working frantically to reinstate the debilitating stereotypes that black women often are operating under.

I know and you too know all this but I am going to say in strong terms again that you must not let these things derail you. You must be your nice pleasant and kind self no matter what others do to show you up. Indeed even if they tempt you to an inch of your self control never give them an opportunity to say, 'I told you she was fake' or 'she is aggressive.' You must play this game to win, don't let them win because you have a goal in mind and you know what they are about, these people who feel that black women do not deserve any good thing.

 

let it be that even if they succeed in pushing you out (yes it happens in life), that it will be so glaring that they were the bitches, that they orchestrated a vicious campaign against an innocent person. Let it be that everyone watching and looking on will see clearly who the righteous party is. Let their cards be marked by onlookers. They may think they have done you in, but what they don’t know is that they have created a lasting negative impression of themselves as horrid people ganging up on defenseless others. It will not bode well for them.

 

Some Wisdom points

Black women and the rescue project

When it comes to how the black community continues to tie black women to the futile endeavour of 'rescuing their people', note that one very successful way they do this is by couching issues as if it is something black women still very much have the power to change or fix by their efforts indeed by their singular efforts. Black women are made to see the situation as something they can 'turn around'. No one reminds black women that building and rescuing the race is actually supposed to be a 'partnership project' without which it is doomed to failure.

Black women trying to hold dialogue in the BC space

Black women are attempting to dialogue about their situation within the insane space which is the black community. How do they expect to make sense and their issues taken seriously? Black women must create and indeed inhabit a different social and political space to black men if they hope to survive and thrive in society.

Beneficial behaviour not about how black or white it is

As black women we need to adopt beneficial behaviour which is not measured by how pro-black or white it is but on the gain it will achieve for the person who puts it into practice. Many black women are simply instruction receivers, accept to be told what to do, where to go having been 'captured' for the black community from an early age. If a suggestion isn’t within the perimeters of the black community many black women refuse to have anything to do with it, and hence they remain in lack and want because they do not seek out other pastures. Black women must as a matter of urgency reintegrate with broader society to get their wants and needs met.

Black women as a piece of equipment

There is no tender concern and compassion reserved for black women instead black women are simply seen as an appliance to be employed in the service of the real agenda which is all in the interest and comfort of others. Black women are asked to present themselves for use, and to be used up by the black community and then discarded. Black women who put up a resistance to this game plan are pilloried as disloyal, selfish and sell outs.


Next blog post available from 25th May

My e-books are now available on Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.

First Steps to Personal Empowerment
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Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
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Supposing I wanted to
Date a White Guy...?
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon

 

No woman is an island and The 5:2 diet

No Woman is an Island

At forty you should be able to live off the connections you have made in life up to that point. You should be able to call friends in your social circle who will put in a good word on your behalf and secure you a job, contract, a link or get you into wherever you need through an alleyway. The job markets favor the young, but at forty you shouldn’t be standing in open queues for jobs at least not as your only option. You should have by this time created an inner track for yourself among a group of people.

I hope I am not depressing anyone by these revelations.

I believe that we are given youth and youthful vigor and those rosy cheeks of youth for the key purpose of establishing the networks that will sustain us later in life after all that which is admired in youth has faded.

Think about how integral your grandparents are to the family structure and how embedded they are even when they are past their prime years of reproduction and production. Well they spent all their youthful years building and ploughing into what ever structure they have around them, so they are now embedded and bonded to the structure and we often cannot imagine the family without them.

Youthful energy, vigor and beauty is expended to establish and expand and even attach to networks that will feed and sustain you as time passes.

Inequality will never be totally eliminated form social systems. The problem is that sadly many of us black women in particular, take seriously chitter chatter about transparency, equality and anti discrimination so mush so, we hinge our progress to the idea that society will treat us fairly. We get floored when society does not 'walk the talk', instead of getting real and getting savvy. I remember how in the nineties, people were waging their fingers at African nepotism. Africans who put their brothers and sisters, cousins, nephews and even their grandmothers in civil service positions as soon as they became governors, ministers or got put in positions of public trust were lampooned. Hey but guess what, we practice a variant right here in the West except we call it networking! It might be slightly more flexible but it's still about making space for people we know and circumventing a transparent open selection process.

At 40 when the open job market turns against you, if you cannot call upon or expect help from a network of friends and colleagues or fall back on a social network for help, then you might not have done everything you could to be really connected and linked into a healthy social circle.

Youth is winsome, people take to you and forgive transgressions and any hot headed actions. Not so easily done when you are over thirty therefore youth is the time to get in certain attitudes, positions on matters and to work out stuff from your system (and even form a group of same minded others who go on to win patronage), before its starts to count against you. As I said, people take to young ones and are happy to make allowances. Folks want to take the young under their wings and show them the ropes! When you are older you will depend on grit, experience, strong nerves and social networks.

Let me also add that no network is closed, but all social networks remain open for the admission of new members. On the basic level of marriage and mating even the network of royals and the mega rich that are very exclusive remain open to admit new members. Young royals must marry, widowed and divorced blue bloods will also remarry. They will look to recruit from adjacent social groups. They will poach the very best of other groups, select for high social value attributes. They will even lay hold of others for the plain reason that these have strayed into their path and they have made a 'connection'.

Anything can be a selectable attribute. Black women moan about being seen as exotic, well guess what, exotic is a social capital. If you are seen as different because of your racial characteristics (and this often cannot be helped no matter how much you mimic mainstream attitudes and presentation) then you should be happy to trade on an element of exoticness which is actually a positive positioning of 'the other'.

The question remains, will you recognize what attributes are attractive and sought out in you by others. Like the man who went to market to sell oranges but someone saw the lovely basket used to display the oranges and made him a crazy offer worth twice the value of the fruits he was selling.

Doing your bit to link into useful networks:-

Bake cakes for the office
Invite relevant people to drinks at the house/house warming etc
Organize outings
Go to evening gatherings/pubs and clubs with the office team
Participate in buying rounds of drinks for others
Get involved in charity events (marathons, bike rides etc) and ask for sponsorship
Join local causes and local organizations like wildlife societies, art etc

The Fast Diet

Could you do the 5:2 diet? (Also known as the Fast diet)

I have done quite a few of the diets out there, some more radical then the other. Late last year I decided to continue to my goal weight and was considering two options, which were Atkins diet and food replacement, but just before I could make a decision, along came the 5:2 diet. As the name implies, you more or less fast for two (better consecutive) days a week while being free on the other days.

There are a number of different variations on this theme. Some people recommend fasting every other day.

The thing about it for me was that I was not unused to fasting (for spiritual and health reasons). Indeed many of you have either fasted for lent or for spiritual purposes so fasting is not too alien to you (all you need do is not gorge on food after breaking fast or eat light meals) and many black women can say the same, and so therein lies the bonding factor that might just make this 5:2 diet the one that many black women might find they can stick to and successfully use to finally overcome in the area of loosing weight (of course in all this you have to have accepted that all weight loss protocols require a level of sweat, discomfort, effort and discipline!).

I have had a good lot of success with this method because my psychology has been more receptive to periods of low food intake as opposed to everyday denial. 2 days of fasting/low food intake come to an end in no time at all, and while going through it, you always look forward to days of eating fully. I will say that the days of fast also train you to eat less on the days you can eat to fullness. There are a number of other health benefits to the 5:2 regime which you can explore for yourself from one of the website on this method  intermittent fasting (there is an American alternative which you can google)

From the website:

As its name implies Intermittent Fasting means voluntarily abstaining from eating, but only for quite short periods of time. Using this approach it is possible to eat what you like, most of the time, and get slimmer and healthier as you do it. By reducing your calorie intake for two days a week (500 calories for women, 600 for men) you’ll lose weight and enjoy a wide range of health benefits – the joy of the Fast Diet is that the side-effects are all good.

In this book we outline our experiences of a so-called 5:2 regime

As I always say to my readers, you as the individual will always have find a method that works for you and most of us will have to sift through dozens and dozens of approaches for years even, until we happen upon the one that just gels with our nature and temperament. I don’t discourage black women from using any method that works no matter how bizarre as long as it is not health damaging. I will take it that you all are adults and will be mature in deciding for a method that works (be it fat blocker pills, dairies, exercise regimes and what have you).

I don’t think fasting and low food intake even for a couple of days is unhealthy (I mean ask the yogis and Buddhists and besides you do have some food intake in this diet).

Read some testimonies here

Next blog post on Dieting available on 4th May

My e-books are now available on Amazon. Please click on the corresponding links below for more info.

First Steps to Personal Empowerment
Amazon

 

Do Black Women in Afros
Date White Guys?
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Supposing I wanted to
Date a White Guy...?
Buy Here or Buy at Amazon

 

Adieu Great Lady...

Margaret Thatcher

There is only one and now she is gone.

A shop keepers daughter who took on the establishment and won! Always beautifully turned out, a cover girl, a scientist. She truly believed that as a woman she was way more efficient than the wobbly male political class around her. She always said: 'If you want something done, ask a woman. If you want something said, ask a man'.

Maggie the Scientist at Oxford

And she did sing along too!

She got on with the job without whining about men who gave her the side eyes or made some 'sexist' remark. In fact if you watch videos of her (available on youtube), fielding questions about her domestic role, her motherly and wifely duties, she actually took on the male questioners on their level and made them appear to us today as really foolish.

Mother of twins

She took questions about her womanhood in her stride as if it was the most natural thing to answer, in fact she was the only woman I know who could make men look like dolts without any effort at all. By being effortlessly efficient and capable both as a mother and PM she made men question their own roles. No one doubted her womanhood or her motherly abilities and all these attributes coupled with an iron resolve shocked men into silence and respect.

The cover girl

It was her gender that was the element of surprise, it allowed her to redesigned British indeed Western politics and put a stamp on it. She re-formatted the social and political structure of Britain, and indeed no credible political commentator will deny that Britain today is one which continues to adhere to the formats put in place by Margaret Thatcher. She was indeed the woman who answered, when asked what was her greatest achievement was, that it was "Tony Blair and New Labour.”

The Iron lady could iron and do dishes

Did she make mistakes? Many. I am sure she herself in the quietness of her room regretted many. She had a huge task, an almost unimaginably hard task lay in front of her when she took over the reigns of power in 1979. Britain was essentially in decline. Challenges came from the four corners at the same time. With the Unions playing roulette with the lives and livelihood of millions she had to be as tough as she could. So indeed she made mistakes, a truck load, but who hasn’t? If I let myself make half as many as she, I would be in a different league altogether today.

Her achievements

She might not have wanted to be a feminist icon (which continues to anger many modern feminists) but she couldn’t help be a role model particularly as a woman who got on with the job at hand without endlessly whining about men trying to exclude or freeze her out. Public life and domestic life were seamlessly interwoven as if there was nothing to it at all.

No one can deny her legacy!

So I will miss this grand old dame because more than anything else and more than the tallying of the wrongs and rights, I loved the symbolism of Thatcher of what she represented in minds and hearts

Adieu great lady!

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