The Importance of Self-Advocacy

The Beautiful Whitney Houston, RIP we will always love you!

In the current situation and state of black womanhood, only the self-advocate stands a chance of turning things around for herself.

Who is a self-advocate? She is a person who with her internal energy and exertion lifts herself up and out of any negative situation within which she has found herself. She lifts herself out of the waters of disadvantage that has become the lot of black women, she lifts herself up and out of deprivation which is the lifestyle that a whole host of black women have fallen into.

Even animals exert themselves to get out of a bad situation no matter who put them in in the first place!

Black women battle so many things not of their own making, this doesn't however mean they should just sit there and moan and complain. Many black women actually feel it is somehow 'wrong' for them to struggle against what they find themselves in because someone else put them in it be it government, the racist society structure created by whites etc etc. The self-advocate however is more interested in the future that she could have, to stand and wait for those who caused the issue in the first place to come and right the wrong! She is committed 110% to do something to alleviate her problems, whinging and complaining about what put her in the situation and how unfair the fact that she has to make an effort now to free herself when others are responsible for her sitiation...well all that doesnt take up any of her time and emotional energy. Even with a sense of the injustice of it all she still moves forward with her life and does all in her power to break herself free from any negative situation.

Self advocates dont dwell on the fact that Asian women are not being asked to 'pursue' white men, or are not asked to talk to men first, they push all that to the back of their minds and strike up conversation with the white man standing at their side on the queue.

Self advocates will do all they can to get themselves up and out of the cloak of invisibility that surrounds black women, and break from all the other forces and factors that are acting together to make for the poor social harvest that many black women are reaping. Self advocates are way too in love with the bright future they could have to waste time complaining about the effort that will amount to nothing when compared to the future that awaits.

Are you a self-advocate? Tell us how you have achieved self-advocacy in your situation.

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule But Any moment Now! I am making the e-books available on PDF downloads as some of you have requested!

2 e-books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012



However are you wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this other e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

We love you Whitney: RIP!

Gideon and 300 women! Update

Remember that Gideon had only three hundred men and these men defeated their enemies running into tens of thousands using 'tactics' rather than numbers.

'Ugly Sisters' a school production (from my 2002 newspaper cuttings)

We have too much to do, the focus cannot be on entertaining ourselves

Effectiveness is what counts. I see a young group emerge in the BWE battle that will position themselves (as CEOs, Film Directors, wives and friends of powerful men) for maximum effectiveness. They will be grounded in the precepts of Black women empowerment and they will achieve and influence for the better of black women and achieve what thousands wont be able to achieve in 10 years! That’s why we do what we do here, that’s why we keep writing and preaching; that we may plant the seeds into the younger black women and they are there, never doubt it!


I was really encouraged when a teenage black girl wrote me to say she 'gets' BWE.  She wasn't asking what BWE is, or how can one be BWE? she read a few articles and she 'caught' it, she understood BWE in the spirit.

Please encourage our newest young blogger http://ablackgirlsview.blogspot.com/

She understood the spirit of BWE and therefore she didn't need a dictionary or guide book. When you know 'the spirit' of a thing you don't need any step by step guidance, that’s why I can be on one side of the Atlantic and I am on the same page as women I have never met on the other side of the Atlantic Its a beautiful thing when you understand others in the spirit. If something is blocking your understanding of what BWE is about, maybe its time for some soul searching. What is the block, is it resentment, fear, refusal to let go of old formula and old unproductive models? Is any of these holding back your understanding?

I also want to say here that what binds me with most of you on the BWE path isn't sisterhood or friendship (even though I am sure many of you are wonderful and we would be friends in real life),  it is our commitment to an ideal, a commitment to the best for black women. That’s all that binds us and all that needs to bind us. Friendships can result from this, but first and foremost it is our dedication to achieving victory for black women that is the primary bond. We are like secret agents in the crowd. We have a goal and we are working our assignment. That is what binds us!

Never think that you have to bind together with the crowd. I would even go further to say that this empowerment walk will be a very individual one as you aim to be excellent in everything. Many black women 'match' their energies with those in their sister-friend group without even being aware. The refusal to let go of others in pursuit of their goals is one reason why you find cohorts of friends etc suffering the same issue whether it be obesity or singleness and there are little ways in which other black women enforce the group status quo and prevent each other from reaching for more or from breaking free from limit.

I was in the local library a few months ago and there were these two black girls sitting and 'reading' a bit further off from where I was. There was a free chair by my side and a young college white boy came up and asked if he could have the seat. Immediately these black girls let put a loud giggle, when we both looked across they put down their heads to pretend something else was going on but I knew that it was the interaction between the young white lad and myself that these girls were trying to disrupt, sending a disapproving signal disguised as a laugh.

Another incident which I may or may not have recounted before is that of a 10 year old who came around when I was having a conversation with a white guy at our church. She hung around until I excused myself thinking she wanted to talk to me about something urgent, but no sooner had I turned to speak to her she rushed off without a word.

See even at these young ages these young black girls had already learnt how to police the boundaries using ingenious methods like coughing, laughing (to make other black girls self conscious), interrupting etc. What this does is it makes those who are uncertain pull back because you begin to feel that something is wrong with what you are doing or about to do. Only if you are strong minded and really know your mind would you be able to shrug off the antics of others to go for what you want. But since most of us are growing into certain ideas and perspectives or becoming aware of options available out there, and our next course of action is suggested by these interactions in the first place, these kind of disruptive actions are designed to effectively nip in the bud our 'potential'. This is why they are so effective because they cut of the potential for an activity before the activity has a chance to even begin to happen.

Some people are moved by impulses they are not even aware of and these people are dangerous because they don't understand what is 'driving' them (self awareness), and neither will you until that invisible force moves them to do something counterproductive!


The Kindle books are a little behind schedule. I shall make them available for PDF downloads as well as some have requested!

 New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle early 2012






Wondering about Interracial dating?
You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

There is Black Woman Empowerment and there is Black Community Empowerment

There is  Black Woman Empowerment (BWE) and Black Community Empowerment (BCE).

'For clarification: this blog post is not a judgement on anyone. I feel however as a pioneer BWE blogger, it is my responsibility to hold a steady course on certain issues, while others can enjoy a degree of latitude. If those of us who were in from the beginning do not hold to a 'true north', BWE will mean anything and nothing!'

The whole furore over Red Tails has actually clarified that many of you who assume you are BWE are actually more Black Community Empowerment. Your loyalties are more to BCE than it ever is to BWE. Thus whenever BWE and BCE come into conflict (as they do and will increasingly do as I will explain below) like every true BCE loyalist, your response is to quickly throw bw and her concerns under the bus in favour of BCE.

Yes indeed as evidence, listen to the 'reasons' given by black women who decided they would see Redtails despite the movie erasing bw (something that should be critical for any self-respecting black woman not to even talk about a black woman who claims to be all about the empowerment and uplift of black women):

• Its about the black community and a film showing us in good light (but the film Redtails did not show 'black people' in good light, it only showed black men in good light, dont ever get it wrong, this is a key point which these comentors deliberately sidestepped in good ol' bw sacrificing style)
• I will watch it to honor my grandfather Tam Tam, its the only way
• We should support a 'black' film so the next time we will get a chance to see a black film and maybe a black woman appearing for 2.5 seconds (Hey it's all about incremental steps innit).
• There is nothing wrong with interracial dating (deliberate misconstruing of the legitimate issue raised by bw of being erased from a film)
• Its a film about Tuskegee Airmen what has that to do with black women and of course they were in Italy so it was wholly impossible for bw to be present (I was suprised that so called BWE supporters were using this enemy obsfucation tactic)
• It would have been so hard to include a black woman somewhere in the film, it would have been as hard as splitting the atom!

No where in the above are the direct interests of black women identified. In addition, in good ol' 'non reciprocity for black women' style, they black women are suppose to make sure they be there for the movie so that it doesnt fail. Indeed, note that bearly anybody is actually requiring black men to support the film so it doesnt fail, yet this film is all about the glory of black men! But as is the ususal BC style, bw get to work while the results accrue to black men.

It is important to look at what people do, not what they say. Despite all the protestations of being in support of BWE and all the stuff, when it came down to it they couldnt hold firm in prioritizing black women's interest in something small as forgoing a film (which they can catch on netfliks or DVD later). How do you think these women will then prioritize black women in more serious even life or death issues? They clearly indicated where their interest lay. In truth anyone can say they are for BWE, it is actually what happens when push comes to shove that really clarifies things.

What, do you mean that a bw cannot be for BWE and BCE? I hear someone ask. I also hear, 'Does BWE have to be in conflct with BCE?

Well those are the million dollar questions arent they, but I will answer that by quoting Aimee who succintly summed up what we are faced with when she wrote:

It is absolutely crucial for black women who want the healthy, happy lives that they deserve to recognize that the very foundation of the currently formulated black community is constructed around the devaluation of black women and children. It is no more and no less. Loyalty to this community requires disloyalty to your own well-being and your very survival as black women - Aimee (pioneer BWE writer)

Aimee is clearly a prophet because she fortold that a couple of years after she wrote that that there would come a time when bw would be required to extinguish themselves and sign up to their own erasure to serve black community.

Yep seeing Redtails became a community serving effort even as the film, the writers and the actors couldnt have done more to stick a finger up at black women! Just as Aimee highlighted, serving community and supporting Tuskegee men and all that, required erasing black women and as befitting their true allegiance folk duely complied as good BCE loyalists.

For many black women, BWE is a subset of BCE

This diagram above represents how the average black woman sees black women's uplift and anything to do with black women getting theirs; she sees it as part and parcel of the overall agenda to advance black people.

What Aimee and many other piooneer BWE realized is that BWE is not a subset of BCE. BWE is actually a stand alone and a stand apart project from all BCE efforts as the diagram below shows

BWE is Distinct from BCE

The reason BWE has to stand apart from BCE is for the simple reason (and as Aimee highlighted) that BCE now increasingly demands the subjection of black women into the bargain of community uplift. It is no longer about black women doing their bit, even doing more than everyone else, now they must swallow the contempt and disdain in addition. Its not about working on hands and knees anymore, that will no longer do, its about enduring the devaluation, the mockery, about providing entertainment and sport while lugging the load of the BC alone!

Many black women think they can secure black women's empowerment under the umbrella of BCE but as long as BCE requires bw to sacrifice themselves, diminish themselves, lower themselves and their standards, not thnk of themselves, sign up to their own erasure etc etc (as was clearly the case with Redtails), then anyone thinking BWE can be achieved as a subset of BCE is really not thinking clearly. Black women occupy a devalued status in-group even more than what they experience outside the group, the argument for fair treatment, consideration doesnt even make sense under a devalued in-group status. Thats why people look at you funny when you ask for respect and roll their eyes and continue to push forward a bw disrespecting agenda, because thats what makes sense for a devalued human being!

 

Whats more, many bw who are part BWE but more BCE are developing cognitive dissonance because they realize and understand the arguments raised about BWE but still want to serve the BCE agenda so in order to ameliorate their discomfort they do so many mental gymnastics and come up with such reasons as "Well there where no black women in Italy thats why no black woman was in movie Redtails." I honestly dont know if they really believe what they are saying but some have convinced thenmselves of the validity of their answers especially after repeating convenient general excuses like 'It dosnt really matter, its no big deal'.

 

Though however the black women I am more wary of are those who get all defensive and crowbar their fellow black women with the accusation of being 'jealous of a white woman'. Thats enemy tactics and any BWE spouting enemy phrases should be kept at a distance.

 

You know what is funny, this in-group devalued status of black women and why it makes for what we are seeing now was the missing puzzle that caused me to rewrite the upcomg e-book 'First Steps to Personal Empowerment' a few times before I felt it was ready.

 

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The Kindle books are a little behind schedule but still within January. I shall make them available for PDF downloads as well as some have requested!

 New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle January 2012

Wondering about Interracial dating?


You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

Drink your Red cockTail Now!

Drink it!

F&*5% drink this  Red cocktail now! Its good for you!

Here's the thing right...

I am trying to focus this blog and my work a bit more so I can be of benefit to my readers. I am thinking that the age group I appeal to, are black women over thirty and white men over 35.

I suppose mentally mature and firing to get going with getting the best from life and love, is who I am reaching loud and clear, however I then come across black women who are even beyond thirty and dont seem to quite get the fact that they are finite beings and there is time to just leave every other concern and preoccupation and agenda (of which there seems no end) and ive 100% focus to yourself; worry about you, worry about your life, your progress, your man, your reproducing.

The saddest thing is that the older you get can also mean the harder it is to teach. Certain ways of being and thinking can become 'ingrained'. At a certain age you might think, 'I've tried that and failed, why try it again?' There is something about a 'formed identity' at that point that doesnt let you easily manouver, change, turn around or aside from certain attitudes.

With BWE I know that those who will make something out of it just in time are those who have just crossed the thirty threshold now. Anyone above 35 who had just come across the idea of black women living for themselves aka BWE will have to work tripple time to secure something for themselves. This is because 35 and over are still the pioneers of this new black woman activism front; working on a hard land that has not been broken up yet, combating stereotypes that have not been softened and also battling their own self esteem issues and complexes, fears about ticking clocks, self recriminations, self pity etc etc etc.

By the time the younger ones come throught, a lot of work would have been done to change attitudes about who a black woman is and what her social range is, change will be in the air, the pioneers would have changed attitudes or at least introduced doubt, dissonance, hestitation in the minds of whites, other blacks and other minorities who wont be as quick to label or slot black women into a particular role, or archtype because they have come across a couple of black women (the pioneers), who didnt fit the bill in the past. The word would be out in other words that black women can and are living for themselves and there will be a better understanding of the silent mistreatment and the particular brand of discrimination she has been experincing (all covered up now), from bothe ww and bm.

If you are a 35 year old and above black woman who hasnt secured her milestones around marriage, children, finances, a house and career etc, I expect that you will be working at a greatly increased pace, making use of every shortcut and catchup strategy available to you. If you are working at the pace of a 25 year old or 30 year old than I am worried for you!

This is not to scare anyone but just to get many black women who have a tendency to match their 'energy' with that of other black people around them and their black girlfreinds and acquintances etc, without taking into consideration their own milestone achievements, to get these black women, to 'see the light' and realize they cannot be doing 20 miles per hour at their age and level of achievement.

To be contd

PS  

The Kindle books are a little behind schedule but still within January. I shall make them available for PDF downloads as well as some have requested!

 New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle January 2012



Wondering about Interracial dating?


You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com

White Men are Trapped in Stereotypes too!

David Thewlis and Michelle Yeoh

I went to watch 'the Lady' two weeks ago, the movie about Aung San Suu Kyi the Noble prize winning Burmese opposition politician who has been fighting for democracy for her people who are under military rule and has lived under house arrest for 15 years (recently released).

The Movie features David Thewlis and Michelle Yeoh and I proclaim that I just loveeeee the movie. It was just so tender at moments I found myself tearing up. Just to see the sacrifices made by Michael Aris for his wife Aung San Suu Kyi, my lawd it was so touching and also unbelievably sad (Micheal was a single father bringing up their children in Oxford England while Aung was under house arrest, he later died of cancer denied his desperate last wish to see his wife one last time).

I am so glad to see a movie that challenges the idea of white men as Asian female fetishist and whatever other term folks invoke to tarnish white men and their asian partners.

Micheal Aris married Ms Suu Kyi on New Year's Day 1972 in a simply Buddhist ceremony in England, but it was always on the understanding that they would have to be apart if the Burmese people needed her- BBC

It was amazing to me that David Thewlis who played Michael in the movie confessed that he didnt know that Aung was married to a British man with two officially British children because you see thats the kind of thing that gets 'hidden' so that the narrative of the evil lecherous asian female fetishist goes unchallenged.

I also adore Luc Beeson who produced the movie and will continue to support his efforts because I get him. Luc has been on a mission to bring these stories of fascinating, beautiful and even kick ass minority women who are so often obscured to our attention-- Columbiana being one of his recent offerings. The other day black women were moaning about, 'why dont white men do blogs saying date black women'? Lol how so very myopic and boring. I would rather have powerful white man do it like Luc Beeson and put their resources towards reshaping the popular image of black women as with Columbiana. It helps that he has a black French wife who also worked on the film 'The Lady' in an important and high profile role. 

I repeat, that I am happy that this idea of the white male with his lecherous eye on minority women is being challenged because black women can burst free from a sordid category that they then get trapped in by such rendering, indeed by definition black and other minority women can then only occupy the place of victim, pawn, collaborator in a white man's sick fantasy never as his love and lover. Mainstream has been happy to keep us locked in this category because they are always mindful of pandering to the white female contingent, indeed let a white woman write a book about boinking a whole team of minority men and she gets to feature on a mainstream media program, feminists salute her as an empowered and sexually liberated woman and dare us to 'slut shame', however a black woman writing the same and no one would touch it, because it would then be 'Oh what a sad misguided woman being used by white men who fetishises black skin,' she would be a 'self hater,' a right wing tool...etc etc

Yep it is a rendering of the situation where only white men can occupy the fetishist role and thus minority women can only be pawns and victims. One thing which black women have often been slow to understand is that by piling white men with negative terms and by trapping white men in an unsavoury category they too quite easily trap themselves in an unsavory role/category too.

'She could do better'

    Ayaan has a baby boy

   'Thomas Hirsi Ferguson'

The other day I happened upon a conversation online where a white female participant said that she was 'amazed' at Ayaan Hirsi Ali's choice of partner. She then went on to say that she could do better than Niall. I laughed. Some white women probably think black women are easy to fool (or maybe they actually believe the stuff that comes out from their mouths, which is a scary prospect) or maybe they think they can 'tarnish' a black woman's choice or put her off by these tricks. It aint working and I want black women to take note and get savvy, folks will say things to make you overlook fine men and stay waiting for some mythical creature who is supposedly better for you and as soon as their reverse psychology -or whatever this one can be termed-works, you wont have walked 2 yards before they or their sisters are dating these men.

Be wise!


New e-Books Available on Amazon Kindle January 2012

Wondering about Interracial dating?

You will find answers in this e-book which gives a clear insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, including her interracial dating option. Get yourself clued up!

Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com