Never underestimate the wider (dominant) society's need for using the socially marginalized to provide them with entertainment, amusement, distraction and to do the work which they feel is beneath them.
Untouchable do the dirtiest jobs in certain parts of South East Asia.
Indeed I have been told by those in the know, that black women in particular tend to be first in line to sell some product that has an unglamorous but necessary function or communicate an icky message. Yep ‘get rid of lice’, and the face of the black girl is flashed, or ‘do you have constipation?’ and the sad face of the black woman is brought into focus.
We have to understand the dynamic that brings into existence many of these images that embarrass black women and make their path through life difficult by miring their image and the ‘sense’ of black womanhood in unpleasantness.
There are books that have been written to explore how blacks have been used in the past to sell soap, toothpaste and the likes. Many of these adverts were blatant in negatively focussing on black traits e.g. soaps so effective they can wash out even blackness!
The need to sell unglamorous products has not gone away, neither has the need to provide a laughingstock or clowns or buffoons etc ceased. In addition the need to provide comfort to some by enabling them feel superior to others by these others, adopting an inferior posture or manner is increasing as overt forms of discrimination become generally resisted. Indeed sophisticated and subliminal ways are now employed to 'uphold' the general opressive narrative and working of society and the oppressed are choreographed to play their necessary role without which the oppressive structure itself would give way.
It is important to understand there will always be the seeking of those who will play certain ‘roles’ for society. It will always be there. What black women need to ensure is that they do not continue to be the obvious choice, and that the recruiters ‘think twice’ before they pick up the ‘black chess piece,’ to play the buffoon and the clown and the ‘diseased’ one, or the one who makes all the others feel secure by having her own attributes rendered less than. Remember the ‘need’ will always be there, and thus the ‘recruiters’ of the actors will always go out, the only variable here is who gets to play the sordid part, who gets to be pinned with the tail.
Politically black men have become too slippery for the role
Yes political backlash has placed a slippery film over black men, so that when the ‘recruiters’ come, they don’t feel comfortable reaching for them or they cant get a good grip. But they don’t need to leave disappointed, because black women are right there, without any slippery film of political protection around them, securing them against misuse. They are just ready and ‘right’ for use. No one makes too much of a fuss anyway, when black women have the tail pinned on. In fact, everyone, including the black women, find it all funny.
But there is a price to pay.
Soon black women don’t understand why others accuse them of being ‘aggressive’ even when they haven’t even said a word, or why the world is quick to believe they attacked a innocent white woman an innocent white woman (The discussion at Christelyn Karazin’s blog reminded me of this one). They don’t understand why their colleagues come to them seeking consolation for their latest drama yet never ask them how their life is going.
An Addition
The coarsening of bw image is something that has happened over time. When a woman's image is coarsened as the black woman's has, she gets to play negative roles even those that society will wave away as not important to mention, or not serious issues, yet these unaknowleged 'positionings' play a powerful role in how she is perceived (the generally perception of black women) and ultimately adds to the lowering of the black female stock.
I been reading some of the 'general' media responses to the Pepsi advert and none of them are picking up the angle of bw's concerns at least as expressed her on BWE blogs ie being 'jealous' or black women made out to be less attractive and bitter and ready to do physical violence on or for a man. General society or general discourse space has no patience with certain debates for sure. But we all know how deeply impacting the idea of bw as less attractive (highlighted in the pepsi ad as an insecure response to her man and impacting the other woman) has on the self esteem of black women especially in addition to all other factors and actors that have a culmulative effect of tearing at the esteem of black women.
I want to point out that black women tend to define issues in terms that no one cares about.
In defending her image, the challenge of bw is to define issues in terms that society at present is willing to take seriously and enagage with and also which has the intended consequence of also sweeping up and away all the other 'deemed unserious' issues which are pretty serious to black women's peace of mind!
Having said all that, i have now received a link that the issue of bw being positioned as jealous of ww has been picked up and commented on but not in bw favour
http://www.mediaite.com/
Here’s a link to a petition that change.org started, in case anyone’s interested in signing: http://www.change.org/petitions/boycott-pepsi---racist-superbowl-commercial-stereotypes-black-women#signatures
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33 comments:
Halima,
You hit the nail on the head and ESPECIALLY in regards to how society "thinks twice" before they target BM for their own amusement.
The fact that Black male activism exists (as annoying as it can be at times) with the likes of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and the Black community, the message is clear that they are not the "easiest" targets. Black women are b/c there has never been any real public activism on our behalf.
Plainly put BW need an activism/PR movement SOLEY for ourselves and the IMAGE of BW. This does need to be carefully startegized as to not find ourselves fighting for the wrong things (like the Al's and jesse's) and such but moreso fighting for the right to control and DEMAND respect and balance of our images as women.
I know some BW believe that marrying more Alpha Non BM is the answer to solve this equation. yes, but that aint gonna happen in huge numbers until BW fix what is broken first. I understand that thinking to a certain extent. But sorry that isn't going to fix the problem itself. BW need to do something for THEMSELVES - PUBLICY. We are being attacked heavily PUBLICLY and the way to fight back is to PUBLICLY say we have had enough.
Wm and non BM can't just come and save us - we need to save ourselves. They have their own communities and women and children that are the top priority for them as men and as a race. When people see BW sitting back quietly but do nothing publucly to show we are not going to stand for this it send s a message that we either don't care, agree with it or are not interested in holding people acountable for benefiting at our expense.
I don't think some BW realize how dangerous and immediate the need is for us to nip this in the bud now. The recent pepsi commercial fiasco has a lot more underlying dangers than so many want to see. The fact that BW are being openly paraded in front of millions of people (and children) as a violent, angry, emasculating and morally irresponsible woman does and will affect us in the real world whether you fit that profile or not.
The Bethany Storro case is just ONE recent example of how dangerous it is for BW to keep allowing the messaage of us being "angry, mean, violent, and morraly corrupt and irresponsible" makes us an easy target for the crazies who want to "PIN the tail on the donkey" so to speak -as in this Bethany Storro case.
Last. in regards to the "innocent WW being attacked by the angry mean and jealous BW" I'm done. i'm over it. Especially when this message is being sent by other BW who should know better. YES we all know in our lives that there are some very damaged insecure BW who hate EVERYONE - not just WW but even other BW who are doing better than they. No one ever points this out. This constant need to paint all BW as having some natural born bred animosity towards WW is so damn tiring and played out I cannot even begin to tell you how frustrating it is even having to address that nonsense. Or to try to talk some common sense into t the heads of some BW who keep spewing this.
BW still want to cling to the role of "MAMMY" and Protector of all things and people WHO DON'T NEED IT and who wouldn't (excuse my language) PISS ON BW if we were on fire! Its sick.
Interesting that you would post this today Halima. The Super Bowl was yesterday and a particular commercial for Pepsi did this exact thing. Yet another unflattering portrayal of a black woman with no particular purpose, save reinforcing a negative image. I was quite uncomfortable with the commercial initially, and then identified what it was that bothered me about the whole thing. . .the very topic your post addresses. I have decided to vote with my wallet and not provide financial support to a company that values my business so little. I am sick to death of the negative images of black women and I simply refuse to lend my money to support sullying my image. Khadijah's " Cui bono " posts have me looking at many things with a much more critical eye. Your post really articulates my feeling on this subject.
The targeting of black women for marginalization is only going to get worse as the economy gets worse. People need someone to feel better than when they're losing their jobs and standard of living. We must be vigilent and resist this defamation in a feminine manner.
@ Neecy
You make a great point, the problem, however, is that too many black women do not know who they are and it is crucial for black women to know who they are in order to be victorious in this fight. So many black women have not had their beauty, femininity, desirability, intelligence,and sense of self worth validated by the people in the lives. They also lack good black female role models and as a result have no idea of what a mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically healthy black woman looks like. Therefore, they define themselves by the negative images they see in the media and believe that these images portray what an authentic black woman looks like. You will be amazed at the number of black women who see nothing wrong with these negative images and actually see them as a compliment. I am not just talking about uneducated or poor black women, the black women who think this way come from all walks of life.
I agree with you but I honest don't know how to go about things when so many black women are lost and as a result their own worst enemy. Any black woman wanting to reclaim her image will have to find a way to differentiate herself from those other black women who truly don't know who they are or else the movement will not succeed.
Great article, Halima
It is true. BW are constantly placed into roles or characters that limit and/or malign our womanhood and femininity. And we're usually absent in any role that shows depth, complexity or desirability It's so commonplace that, many BW don't even recognize this subtle mistreatment when it's being done. It's appalling, really.
Unfortunately, I don't know what to do other than, boycott, or write in to stations when I see this nonsense. But I don't know how effective that is given the canned no-response, response that some women reported getting when they complained to pepsi.
I agree that there needs to be a proactive movement solely on behalf of BW to protect our image in the media and movies. As no one else is interested in doing it we must do it. How? I'll leave to more intelligent minds than mine. But I'd willing to join.
thanks for all responses.
i dont think we should be disheartened. i think there is always a time for dialogue and thinking and brainstorming, and that is the phase we all are in at the moment and not just that, the more these convesersations are happening among bw the more other bw see the reason why we should not just passively consume and they also begin to themselves see how they get to 'wear the tail'.
yes no answers at yet but as minds turn, answers are close at hand!
Zoopath I agree. Resist in a feminine way is vital. Charm and disarm.
I heard an interesting discussion with Melissa Harris-Perry on the BBC's Woman's hour about Michelle Obama. Apparently her popularity is higher than her husbands right now. Whilst many feminists are disappointed with the First Lady for not being more active and vocal about 'womens rights' she has skillfully dropped the angry BW tag pinned on her during the campaign for election. And she did this by focusing on her children, husband and campaigning for healthier eating. Can you imagine what would have happened had she adopted Hillary Clinton's style?
Lovebug,
Your point is exactly where I come at the crossroads. B/C Its so true that most of the Black female collective doesn't really "get it". I'm not one to fight for the dead or zombies.
but often times i wonder if these BW just have never had a real slap in the face wake up call (b/c let's face it here has never really been any true Black female role models in the last couple deacdes) and if that is all that is needed OR if they are just lost forever.
Trust me I think of this daily and I am trying to figure out a way where I could try to circumvent the whole collective and fight for the BW who have all of the things you mention that many BW are missing within.
its going to be a challange, But i ask God everyday how to overcome it and go for it in the right and most effective way.
I agree with some of the points that Neecy said. I think it is both and.
Marrying quality mates and having a BW anti-defamation league - with a strong political arm.
The Jews don't play when it comes to this stuff, neither as you stated, do BM.
I don't think it even has to have the support of the majority of BW to be successful.
The league could follow in the steps of the NAACP as they did in the early days.
For example they would pick and choose an incident ad pursue it legally.
I agree. The Pepsi commercial made me really upset. It's not as if I've never seen portrayals of black women such as that one, but I admit that it was very embarassing. Super Bowl commercials get so much publicity.
Black women can't improve the situation unless we stop worrying about black men's issues and start realizing that we have our own unique form of oppression. No one else is truly our allies. It is ridiculous how deep the idea of black male protectionism runs amongst black women. I'm pointing this out because there are more educated black women who are in the position to take action against these ads, but so many are focused on the black male image that they neglect themselves. Typical mammy BS.
It's not always enough to just be one non-stereotypical individual. No one here can deny that, while these ads are somewhat exaggerated, they are based on truth. I have seen many black women take on the role of the loud, angry coonish black woman because that is what they believe they're supposed to be. That is what makes them "black women". I don't know about anyone else, but I was teased for being "too white" when I was young by other black girls. These stereotypes may place folks like us in disadvantaged positions, but there are others who are openly accepting them as an affirmation of their identity.
As far as how this affects black women's dating choices, yes it does in the grand scheme (mass numbers). But honestly, I wouldn't want to date someone who is so easily brainwashed by commercials. I think if a man truly wants a black woman, that's what he's going to go for, no matter what Pepsi tries to sell him.
Typing too fast I just lost my comment. Grr!
Thanks for another probing and accurate insight into the psychology warfare behind the war against BW.
A reader had commented on Facebook that she was offended by the Pepsi ad and sure enough there was a BW at the ready to deny and deflect.
Apparently she's another Flat Earth Theorist and "we're not supposed to be offended because stereotypes abound so what's the big deal?".
SMH at such foolishness.
The perps have willing accomplices to enact their dirty work - and they don't require any compensation for seeing BW in the bottom-feeder position.
We are truly our own worst enemies.
I also think there's a concentrated and calculated push-back to combat BWE messaging and esp to make us look as bad as possible to white men since so many of us are now poised to claim our crowns AND get the hero.
They're not even slick!
@Neecy I feel your fire but BW fighting is not the way to go. We have other means of getting a message across indirectly. Change.org has a petition up right now to combat that Pepsi ad. We don't want Rev Co to get involved as it marginalizes things.
Also BW are still trying to figure out who they are - that's more important.
As to role models, Halima we have the BWE blogs, those that use some of the BWE messaging and examples of individuals if we look for them.
I'm not sure if we'd support a public figure to speak on our behalf the way Gloria Steinem has for WW, but anything's possible.
Too many BW are tied up in the black community/black man trap so would they actually listen to good advice?
@Neecy
I hope I wasn't too negative, I didn't want to discourage you because your idea is great and should be pursued but I guess I want us to realize that the "enemy" is not just the mainstream media and includes many black women who also embrace and uphold these negative images of black women. Unfortunately, this complicates the challenge at hand. I would encourage you to continue to search for answers, however and not give up. The Bible says, "seek, and you shall find."
@Oshun
I agree, that the majority of Black Women don't need to be involved in order for the movement to succeed. I feel that challenge at hand would be a lot easier to overcome if lack of involvement was the issue. Black Women are involved, the problem is that a substantial number of them are working for the "enemy" and are more than willing to defame their own image as a black woman for whatever reason. How do we prevent those women from intentionally and/or unintentionally sabotaging our efforts? They could even infiltrate the movement pretending to share our goals and values while at the same time trying to undercut the movement from within. I do care and want success but it requires an incredible amount of vigilance and strategic thinking because the "enemy" is not always going to visible or obvious.
@Lovebug
I don't know all the answers as of yet, but that can be planned for and thought out.
Halima has mentioned understanding the psyche of BW. There could be brainstorming sessions about that regarding strategies to prevent some of these BW from taking it down.
I don't think it has to be a super large group. We could develop enhanced vetting plans and sanctions for when certain issues arise.
We could use existing functional groups as a model or groups that had some measure of success and model/adapt what works/has worked for them and adapt it to our needs.
Adding positive images is great, but I think working to make people stop and enforcing consequences when they transgress should be considered as well.
Well, I don't have any great insights from a political standpoint but I plan to vote with my dollars. I will texting myself a list of all the Pepsi brands so that I can leave them right alone. I will purchase something else that will be better for my health and dignity. I think even if the only Black women who decided to make alternative choices were the women from our online community, it would be an affirmation of our dignity, put money back into our pockets that we could use to further other goals, and show Pepsi and other people around us that we mean what we say. Talk is cheap. I say hold their feet to the fire is much as you can and put their pockets on a diet from your personal/household funds. Your body and your sense of self-respect will thank you!
I saw the Pepsi Max commercial on Youtube as I moved out of the US five years ago, and wow, those stereotypical 'Naomi Campbell'-ish outbursts are worse than the black Pine-Sol lady and the McDonald's ads with black people in them combined! Wow!
I signed Ali's petition on a link on Khadija's blog. But yes this is why black women seriously need to FEMINIZE big time. OK I'm going to therapy literally right now in my life. I know that the recession's been kicking my butt harder than probably the other ladies visiting this blog even though I do work, but in 2010 I told my Mom that I wanted to eventually go to etiquette/finishing school types of classes for women right here in London, and she applauded me quite literally and told me that 'It would be the best thing I ever did'!
And I agree it would be, but the classes at the place I want to attend in London are £1000 for a weekend or a week (?) Sooo....I have to put it off for the moment although it has been on the back of my mind forever, and I'd have to fit it in with my Accounting classes.
But for those of you who are monetarily way better off, look for etiquette classes in the US such as in LA and NYC, and if you'd like to make a nice little trip for yourself then come over to London and try a class out:
www.highsocietysecrets.com/page12.htm
Or try THE finishing schools to end all finishing schools in Switzerland such as Institut Villa Pierrefeu, that Khadija mentioned on her blog.
For me it would be a good investment in myself, to learn better comportment, and better ways of engaging with the public, and different types of the public. I want to be able to walk in heels perfectly each time and walk constantly with a straight back and shoulders and high head, the way I used to! LOL
The Art of Being Feminine blog is not bad, not bad at all. I gave that lady Melina who runs it a further nod in her direction because she has acknoledged the variety of different beauty and signature style/personality among women i.e., the bombshell, the gamine etc., etc., and not that long ago Melina put up posts highlighting certain types of men and their flaws that a woman should watch out for, and get away from even if she's acting as the most feminine lady in the whole world.
Get rid of all loudness in public, and tackiness in your appearance. One can still be stylish, trendy, or quirky/individualistic without being tacky. Anything's possible and I wish all of the ladies on the BWE blogs the best if they'd like to go forward and transform themselves for the better.
If there is a tampon ( I see you Regina King) or Immodium AD type product to sell, it'll be a black woman's voice or image to hawk it. Sigh. This is frustrating bc as an individual bw, you can do all you can to transcend the stereotype, but there is nothing you can And bm are the some of the first folks to say when you feel slighted, "It was funny" so we aren't protected at all. Here I am trying to get through year 1 of marriage, year 3 of teaching, help my Dad get my brother in private school, get into a doctoral program myself, get to yoga class, save for retirement, and just enjoy life, and I'm also expected to fight character defamation, too? No wonder so many bw check out, overeat and the like. This is exhausting and I've lived a fairly privileged and protected life. I've spent my whole life dodging the stereotype. When do I get a break and just get to enjoy being human?
Hi E,
How are you?
I really don't know how to answer your last question BUT I just have a feeling that it would be a lot easier for all BW to 'relax and feel more human' if BW didn't go along with backwards, 'everybody else'-serving stuff that started out big time somewhere in the 60s.
As Khadija has said in the(US) South, they had BW on the front lines of the civil rights protests with Dr. King with dogs biting at their knees, hoses being sprayed on them, basically being treated just like the BM, and what's worse sometimes being raped while held in prison after they were picked up by the cops, then there was the whole 'BW can get their rights after BM get their rights' attitude, BW holding it down by working overtime at their jobs, or any protests trying to free criminals who were better left in jail, or BM who divert all their gains to non-BW, sticking up for the Clarence Thomases, Mike Tysons, R. Kellys, Chris Browns, and Eldridge Cleavers in the face of BW's degredation and disregard of their personal safety....
I mean a LOT of, albeit indirect, damage control has got to be done to repair that before BW even get to 'human' now, and I'm sorry but this was some of the BW's fault for cooperating with their 'de-feminization' and pro-mule-ing. Not promoting, but pro-mule-ing.
The Asian women can get to the 'human' stage now after marrying up so easily almost any kind of man they want, because even they had to work overtime on the damage control side to counteract the Full Metal Jacket 'Love You Long Time' stereotypes that cheapened them. But they got there in the end though...
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but hopefully BW and young black girls won't just check out and hit McDonald's, KFC, Popeye's, and the like because with thearly diabetes and high blood pressure risks that BW in their 40s are taking, such as Khadija and others have described on her blog, that would be too devastating.
I skimmed a black gossip site. It seems most of the young bw were pleased with the pepsimax ad. To them, it was funny. They were doing a virtual high-five at the domestic violence, and the blond getting knocked out.
You switch all the characters in that ad, and it ceases to be "funny". If the can thrower was a bm, ww, wm and the victim of the can was a wm, bw, ww (following thrower to victim order) - the ad wouldn't have been approved.
A member of Congress, Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee called out Pepsi, and complaints have reached the evening news, so I don't feel that this defamer got away unscathed.
Yet, this issue will always be a challenge for us.
I think we have to take note of orgs. & corps. that show us respect as human beings. I know Pepsi needs a good slap, but we cannot ignore those that do well by us.
Along with condemning our "enemies", we have to acknowledge our "friends." How that will be achieved is a mystery.
PEPSICO Products:
Fritolay (Doritos, Cheetos, Lays potato chips, Tostitos); Tropicana/Ocean Stray; Quaker; Gatorade (G2, etc); Aquafina;
Lipton teas; Sabritas; Walkers;
Gamesa; Starbuck's bottled frappuccinos; and Pepsi; Mountain Dew; Sierra Mist; Sobe/Amp energy drinks; 7Up
Go to pepsico.com/Brands, and you can print out the complete list of their products.
This may seem like a lot of products, but what is your dignity worth? There are no fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats. or whole grains on this list.
I do not want to protest and march then just be pacified. This will only bring attention to the commercial and any apology would be fake and condescending. I want respect. They will respect us when they see our show of strength and resolve. This may seem hopeless and an uphill battle, but the Grand Canyon started with one drop of water.
Golden Ah,
i believe what you said is key. BW have to start openly campaging and annoucing support and appreciation for those companies that do right by us and our image. Eventually the message will be clear that ONLY companies and entities that show BW as normal funcitoning women will be supported with our resources and dollars.
There are plenty of those companies.
Hmm. just had a thought. Maybe we ought to make more of a fuss about the companies and things that show us positivley than the negative ones?
RE: Rush Limbaugh,
I read it and i don't think he's saying BW are just jealous of WW but I think he is only saying/expressing what most people think in regards to how BW feel towards WW due to increased BM/WW relationships in USA. THANKS to the Jill Scotts and decades of BW yelling outloud to the public how much they hate a BM/WW relationships and how "WW ARE STEALING OUR MEN" yada yada. Its been known since the 80's that BW have very strong feelings against BM/WW relationships (and BW have loudly proclaimed this in movies etc).
once again all the more reason for sojourners to stop sitting quiet and letting the "other" BW speak for us.
I wonder what the black women who agree that this commercial is not offensive would say if they knew that Rush 'Limburger' sees what pepsi commercial is really about. Now It's interesting that he has a special comment about this commercial.
To Black Women:
some of you really need to wake up.
In addition to getting the shopping list at PepsiCo.com remember that the following fast food places have lifetime contracts with PepsiCo:
Taco Bell
KFC
A&W
Long John Silver
PizzaHut
PepsiCo used to own/franchise these restaurants. Now a company called YUM! owns and franchises them, but still maintains lifetime contracts with PepsiCo. There are a few exceptions outside of the United States, but within the states, supporting the above restaurants supports PepsiCo.
Black women can't improve the situation unless we stop worrying about black men's issues and start realizing that we have our own unique form of oppression.
And their is the whole problem, bw need to focus. only on bw need's and issues's. cuz, bm's made it clear that their not helping bw with nothing at all. so, bw, it's time to do the same damn thing and put bw first.f**k the rest! esp.bm's to hell with them...
Here's an extensive list of companies owned by Pepsi - talk with your dollars and let them know why they're not getting your money anymore.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PepsiCo
Hey guys, In light of this discussion, I thought I might leave this link
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/For-Black-Women-What-not-to-buy/199530346730965
A black woman has graciously started a facebook page specifically for things black women SHOULDNT buy, based on the company's advertising choices.
I have already signed the petition. I'm confident the backlash for this Pepsi ad will serve as a warning for other businesses.
As for further action, I suggest black women spare their voices for issues that affect our image, and do so intelligently and critically. I am a filmmaker and I am wholly focused on the black female perspective/identity, and portraying black womanhood in an authentic light.
There are several examples of black women who do not fit these stereotypes, but the ones that do gain the most visibility. America is not ready to witness a black woman in her authentic state whether it be emotionally, physically or otherwise. We just have to accept this and gravitate towards those who appreciate us.
In the mean time, as far as our 'image' goes, people will think what they want, Pepsi ad or not. Majority of people are brainwashed by the media to some extent. However, those who take this ad as a true representation of BW are media illiterate and/or racist/sexist and I wouldn't want to spend my precious time with them anyway.
It needs to be said publicly that these commercials and images of black women are the reason why there have been so many cases of false reports against black women- that are so easily received by the public. There is a reason WHY we as African American women can't entertain these types of images! It's not because we are ‘bad sports’ or don't have a sense of humor. And beyond that, this for sure, doesn't represent me or any other black woman I know-I would never attack someone and even further addressing the applied insinuation- I don’t have any malice or jealousy toward white women, I’ve been mostly trying to protect myself from their malice towards me! And so are other black women for that matter. It is NOT okay for these shows and commercials to continue! The message needs to get to corporate- that we AAwomen DO have a brain and NO you may not use me as a pun or stepping stool not now or EVER-I don’t care if you do have some black woman puppet that says it’s okay-It’s not, and I’m gonna make sure ( in a creative get you in the pocket and public opinion way) that you KNOW this. Now ladies publically when we get what we need ( and we will-because we always prevail when we are not weighed down) don’t entertain people who say that there shouldn’t be such a provision for us or that it’s not fair or what ever else they will want to say to shame and embarrass us out of our provisions. Just be gracious and use the provision and put on a “show”(as Evia put it) of thankfulness. But don’t argue with anyone about why we really do deserve it/this.
Okay, let me just say something and let me just make it really rigid so there is no blur to what I’m saying. I don’t blame any black woman for the current situation surrounding her! Not for Limbaugh’s comment, not for public opinion, not for playing the rolls-sure there could be solutions if every black woman were perfect- but why doesn’t anyone else have to be perfect! You got a white woman, who murdered her kids, and every other white woman came rallying for her saying it was her husbands fault for not checking on her and making sure she was of sound mind, and for getting her pregnant in the first place. Then you have this black woman who was freakin trying to get her kids a better education and some of us black women would like to crucify her!!! What you’re really doing is taking your pain out on other black women, targeting someone for experiencing what you experience. If only more bw were educated or soft spoken or not so fat. I am not talking about encouraging black women to do better things-I’m talking about blasting them and putting them down all the time. It really makes YOU look unloved and as if there’s no-one who surrounds, supports, and accepts you. Because you can’t give what you don’t have. But when you can forgive and be gracious or at lest put on a “show” of graciousness, people see you or us (bw) as being surrounded by that as well. I’m not talking about making excuses for people or rallying for wrong I’m talking about showing kindness and compassion toward a troubled one. It is NOT putting yourself beside that person-you can still show yourself as separate, it fact that’s what it will do. Where as throwing stones at black women will only come back to knock YOU down. Think about it. By the way who on earth cares what Limbaugh thinks. Not me. I hope not other black women.
Halima,
The comment of -if white people do it why can't we- from anon 2:51 am is a very dangerous line of thought. I wish some black women out there would realize why it's dangerous.
I'm anonymous at 2:51, and I said nothing about ‘if white people did it why can't we’! My point is showing grace and mercy to black women as black women-not excusing wrongs but showing grace. What you may need to get is that the public at large doesn't care about you as a black woman-they might use you to take another black woman down-but you don't get points for being against another black woman, it just works against YOU. Nobody is talking about going out and DOing what wrongs that these white women are doing! I'm saying when one of us falls-and one will because people are NOT perfect, we need to be a support, Not a firing squad.
@Anonymous,
You said:
"Then you have this black woman who was freakin trying to get her kids a better education and some of us black women would like to crucify her!!! What you’re really doing is taking your pain out on other black women, targeting someone for experiencing what you experience."
No this is Black Women holding each other to a higher standard.
Repeat after me. We do not support lawbreakers. Period.
Also you are wrong when it comes to the support thrown toward White female criminals. They do not get a pass among their peers.
Neecy:
RE: Rush Limbaugh,
I read it and i don't think he's saying BW are just jealous of WW but I think he is only saying/expressing what most people think in regards to how BW feel towards WW due to increased BM/WW relationships in USA. THANKS to the Jill Scotts and decades of BW yelling outloud to the public how much they hate a BM/WW relationships and how "WW ARE STEALING OUR MEN" yada yada. Its been known since the 80's that BW have very strong feelings against BM/WW relationships (and BW have loudly proclaimed this in movies etc).
Exactly Neecy that's why the whole 'Let pick some BW to speak for all black women' type of stance was always a big mistake. Now they've loudly gone and made all of us look like we hate all non-BW especially when they have a BM. If these well-know BW fools would have just kept quiet, or prefaced with 'Well personally, and this is just my opinion...' then BW as a whole would have looked a lot better, more confident, feminine, and a lot less self-loathing.
Yes! Black women whoever they are DO need to receive compassion from other black women! NOT supporting their crime but putting on a show of compassion! "give a pass"-didn't say it! You don't support the person as a criminal, but as a person who is a fallible human being. Showing compassion is NOT giving a pass. I does need to happen amongst black women. I'm not talking about picking up someone’s slack. But the verbal put downs and looking for a snag to tear at- needs to stop! You don't gain mercy by being unmerciful. YOU can hold people at a high standard without slicing and dicing them. Encouraging words easily do the same thing.
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