Many black women claim they want change in their lives and their circumstances. However, they continue to apply the same principles and believe the same views and ideas and explanations that will simply reproduce the lack and the frustration that they see attend the lives of their older sisters and indeed currently attends theirs.
To get the best out of the black female empowerment movement in the first instance:
(a) You must be willing to shift in your mentality-Surely if you are not experiencing any success using a particular approach or frame of mind etc, then it is time to change something!
(b) You must steel yourself from feeling you are being a traitor for revaluating/debating certain sacred black views/beliefs about black men, black community, how to be a true black woman
BWE will debate things that make your first reaction be, ‘This is taboo talk for black women’. But you must be willing to hear the debate out and to push past this block and fear of being a traitor, sell out or whatever term is used. Often the word sell-out are used as a tool to prevent black women from getting at the truth of their situation. We have seen it so many times and it is quite effective because black women take a large part of their identiy from being ‘devout’ black women.
You can always reject a discussion/debate after you have heard what BWE have to say, but blocking out the discussion in the first instance will not pay you especially in these times when black women are being deliberately mislead so that others can continue to harness their resources, time etc etc (black women serving simply as rescources for their race).
c) You must be willing to step back and have a look again at the instructions you are issued with as a black woman especially from others from you community.
Many black women do not recognise that, it is the game and the rules they are confining themselves to, that results in the problems, not the amount of effort they are putting in.
Black women are constantly trying to ‘put their back into’ the next 'project' suggested for the 'uplift of black people' yet they are flawed. If a model, a concept, a framework an ideal is not ‘adding up’, then no matter how much you struggle to make it work, it just won’t.
Take a moment to think about it.
e) You must have an identity or start to construct one that is broader than a race based identity.
Many black women are simply 'race-women', 'sister soildiers', always in the state of battling for the race etc. Unfortunately this is not going to serve black women and I can tell you for sure that even black men are running away from 'sister soildier' type black women except of course they need help on the black-white front. Black women's identity as race women means they bear considerable amount of anger, that makes living in a multicultural context very difficult, because they become aggressive, bitter etc etc.
Question: 'Do you think that black women should bear more anger for the black situation? ' Why do black women seem to be the one carrying the most anger against whites etc and socially isolating themselves as a result?
f) Obsolete beliefs will need to be weeded out- For instance, the simple formular of 'internal community = security' while 'external community = threat', no longer applies in the case of black women. Yet many black women are operating in this mindset and then wondering why they have so many scars and heartaches.
If you doubt that 'internal community' has become more lethal for black women than out of it, check the statistics on violence against black women and note from where the majority of it comes.
Many black women continue looking outwards for predetors and misusers when they are living right there amongst them in their 'communtities'.
Observe and take note! Stop walking around not noting things around you and drawing conclussions that are so obvious.
In truth, many black women do not want to see because they know if they decide to really look they will see something that goes against everything they have been told to hope for.
There has been a regime change which black women have been shielded from observing by black community information portals, because it would shake their conmmittment to continuing to toil in the 'trenches' as the only willing horse left trying to make a difference to the black condition.
By not observing the times and the changes in her circumstances and trusting in old views and by gone version of events, black women have moved to a very vulnerable position within the current social set up.
(g) A black women must learn to gather intelligence on her situation by carrying out a reconnaissance of her situation and surroundings, than think that any general assumptions, and 'stand to reason' notions will simply and automatically apply in her case.
Many black people say to you, ‘just go out there and find a black man for you’, or give the impression that it is the most normal, natural thing for black men and women to end up together. Many of these are not in touch with localised dynamics which have emerged over 2 decades that makes black women ending up married to black men something no longer assured or guaranteed.
I cannot overemphasis the fact that many everyday expectations and taken for granted beliefs might not apply and no longer come into play for black women.
The black community is asking you in many cases to work ‘models’ that are just not working, non-yielding, non-applying, obsolete or irrelevant (remember what we said about the black consensus being in error state and thus issuing erroneous injunctions and instructions to black women)
So if the community says to you, ‘find a black man’
Report back from your gathering of intelligence, ‘The black men here are not really interested in settling down!’
Black Women you can gain insight into the relationship reality facing black women today, and find out more about the Interracial Option, read the IR E-book
Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com
Further reading for black women seeking the truth!
Enslaved to race
http://episcopalienne.blogspot.com/2008/10/mahogany.html
Racio-misogyny or the racism practiced against black women by black men
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/07/essays-virulent-racio-misogyny-in-black.html
We talk 'Africa' but prefer our women 'not too' African
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2010/01/whose-zooming-who.html
A Latin Wins and time to wake up
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/04/and-latina-wins.html
Playing with numbers to hide the dire situation
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/07/90-of-married-bm-marry-bw-but-only-30.html
Black women need to know their compass is being confused
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/07/your-internal-compass-is-being-confused.html
Hating white men has got black women stuck
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/07/give-it-up-or-embrace-fruits-thereof.html
Who says white men cannot successfully carry on relationships with bw
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/10/black-women-and-white-men-receive.html
Yet black men’s interracial marrieges remain is the most unstable of all
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/08/from-www.html
Extinguishing self care in black women
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/10/black-women-as-drones-and-self.html
From Iraq
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/05/sister-writes-from-iraq.html
The right terms give us understanding
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/09/dbr-is-good-term-as-any.html
Questions and answers
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/08/what-we-believe-here-20-questions-for.html
Chart your own course, save yourself!
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/12/break-away-from-pack-in-2008.html
Those waiting for permission to survive will not make it
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/08/permission-to-survive.html
The church also preparing black women for a life of matrydom
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2007/08/some-churches-are-preparing-their.html
Where are you on the time frame
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/07/when-you-are-in-your-20s.html
Young black girls left to fend for themselves
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/07/fending-for-themselve-among-wolves.html
Why I don’t take the normal position of 'white men are evil'
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-dont-you-speak-about-evils-of-white.html
Black unity talk is just…talk
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2009/01/there-should-be-no-confusion-about-this.html
Black women made Civil Rights Movement yet were ill compensated
http://actsoffaithblog.com/lets-not-forget-the-black-women-who-defined-the-civil-rights-movement#more-1056
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11 comments:
Hey Halima,
A few of the links are not working. I don't know if everyone will experience the same. For me it was links (2, 4-6, 11-16).
Keep up the great work. Yours and a few of the BWE/IR sites are the ones I come to check everyday.
Halima,
Would you consider putting this post in the sidebar as "favorites" or "must reads"? That way, it will always garner attention, instead of being in the time-listed archives. This is a great list of posts.
Thanks NijaG well spotted.
Tertiaryanna I think thats a good idea, now i will have to figure how to do it, lol!
Wow, those links are excellent. I think that many black women can sense and feel that something is wrong with how they are being treated, but some think they are the only ones that notice things. If you speak up, the "black community" will call you names like uncle tom and sellout. I know before I found the BWE/IR blogs, I was aware of many things but I rarely heard other black women talk about these issues.
I have always been interested in interracial relationships too, but could never find blogs that dealt with it from a black woman's perspective. Its nice to see black women talking openly about it and telling the truth about the fake so called black community. I never did believe in this black unity crap either. I know from my own experiences, many in the so called black community don't even support and uplift their own people. That's what first really got me to see and notice the truth.
I really love reading your blog and I think these blogs are a god send to help more black women become aware.
Halima,
"Tertiaryanna I think thats a good idea, now i will have to figure how to do it, lol!"
Go to the blogger icon at the top of the page, to access the Dashboard.
At the Dashboard, choose Layout.
You'll see the option to
"add a Gadget", in whatever area you'd like to have the links.
You can choose "Link Lists" and this will allow you to put in the link of the individual pages you wanted.
You can also choose "Labels" which will add a section on the template that lists all the labels of the blog.
That will allow people to navigate your blog topically, rather than sequentially through the archives. :)
Halima,
I absolutely believe that you are on the same level of bell hooks, Audre Lorde and others in terms of your ability to observe and assess the nature of black female realities.
I hope that these essays will be published and distributed to a larger audience and for posterity.
I'm dead serious when I say that your writings should be on the reading list for women's studies.
wow shecodes thats some serious high praise! Thanks for the compliment. Indeed I dont think i could even qualify to shine shoes for those forerunners among women.
C. Delores Tucker is who I admire the most, and I'm so sorry that I'll never be able to meet her or even write to her now.
She was the only black woman who I saw, publicly in the media anyway, who had the guts to challenge and speak out against the degredation of women in hip hop and she didn't care that black men were the rappers nor did she care if they were upset with her.
And the way some of these rappers disrespected Tucker in their lyrics sometimes, and she's old enough to be their grandmother or an old aunt.
She was the only black woman I could see back in the early 90s doing what she should be doing and doing it for the respect and dignity of black women. And the rest of us idiots were like 'No! Don't stop them let them call us H's if they want to'! Black women and girls often said regarding rap lyrics 'They're not talkin bout me' or 'They're not sayin my name'
C. Delores Tucker was the only black woman with her head screwed on tight about this! The only ones to speak out besides her were Tipper Gore and the white feminists from NOW who probably backed out of the fight when they were accused of being racist against black men.
I wish Tucker were still here so that I could have told her that I was stupid and that I wish I was old enough at the time to go and support her cause.
@ Halima
I want to second what SheCodes said. You writing is extremely erudite, but at the same time very accessible.
@ Ak
"C. Delores Tucker is who I admire the most, and I'm so sorry that I'll never be able to meet her or even write to her now.
She was the only black woman who I saw, publicly in the media anyway, who had the guts to challenge and speak out against the degredation of women in hip hop and she didn't care that black men were the rappers nor did she care if they were upset with her.
And the way some of these rappers disrespected Tucker in their lyrics sometimes, and she's old enough to be their grandmother or an old aunt."
I too thought of her a few months ago. I was too young then to really understand.
I will say that the rappers who disrespected her are evil - not just considering her age, but she was a civil rights activist all her life - esp 1960s -1970s.
She marched with King, led protests, lobbied states regarding Equal Rights Amendments, assisted with voter registration, became a senior member of the Democratic Party, and chaired the democratic party's Black Caucus. She was also an advocate for womens and Black womens issues.
She really put herself out there as a foot soldier so that these ungrateful BM cretins, including rappers, could enjoy the freedoms they do now. Its the equivalent of spitting in Rosa Parks face.
@ Ak
I was unaware of NOW and Tipper spoke out against this. I hate that they were accused of being racist against BM. I hope BW weren't doing the accusing. If, so that is another instance of shooting yourself in the foot. We could have had some allies and at least the cultural collapse could have been slowed.
Re: C. Delores Tucker
I will say this- she was well educated and she did marry well. She married a real estate magnate in addition to her own success.
I am also a thirty-something black woman, master's degree, good job, etc. It's almost like a cliche, isn't it?
I dated two WM (in a row, not at the same time, lol) before my last boyfriend, a BM. Both of those white guys treated me like a damn queen.
I met my last boyfriend, convinced myself he was going to be different, and of course he wasn't.
We only went out for eight months, and in that eight months, he wrecked my car (and didn't pay the $500 deductible), "borrowed" $200 from me to pay his cell phone bill (which he never paid back), cheated on me with at least three different women (one of whom he knocked up), called my sister a "crack ho" during an argument, and when I broke up with him, called my work number several times a day for weeks, alternately threatening me and begging me to take him back.
This is like a bad movie script, I know, but you weren't living through it.
And he was so selfish in bed. And so proud of his non-existent sexual powers. Really egotistical.
If you can believe it, he had his sister call me to try to arrange a reconciliation, and she started in on me right away about I thought I was better than the rest of the black community, and I didn't know a good man when I saw one, and black men just needed a little more patience because society was always beating them down.
Puh-leeze.
Then she told me that maybe I just needed to go back to white guys (I told my ex-boyfriend I had dated interracially - a huge mistake as he kept bringing it up after that), since BM weren't good enough for somebody like me.
I think she's right. I had a great time with those two WM, they were funny and smart and real gentlemen. I could easily see myself falling in love with a white guy at some point and being married after that.
I'm not getting younger, only older, and I want to be in love with someone that loves and respects me, someone who can earn a living, someone who will be a great father to our children. Someone who will look after my needs in the bedroom, someone that actually wants to talk to me about the things that are important to me, someone that is educated and cares about the rest of the world.
I want to thank you for publishing this great blog and the wonderful posts. Not that long ago, I thought something was wrong with me because I had so little patience with BM and the black community nagging me to "stick with my own". But because of sites like your yours, I knom I'm not strange, that there are lots of sisters waking up to the bigger world of interracial dating and marriage.
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